hard to cope with toddler behaviour

[muser31]

dd is 2.5. everything is a fight as she wants to do literally everything herself even though she can't do it, and when i try to help in the end there are screaming matches. getting her to go anywhere or away from anywhere (putting her coat etc on) is just awful and i end up carrying her out with her back arched screaming. ive tried the sticker/sweet reward thing but it hasn't really worked. ive lost confidence taking her out in public! she is also very clingy and wants me to play literally all day from a very early start and i just need some headspace. can anyone help or relate

[Booboostoo]

I feel for you! DD was the same. She seemed to go through a phase where she only said 'no'! The good news is that is passes!

Things that worked for me:

• I tell her we have to leave now, she says 'no I want to play', so I negotiate and say 'OK you will play a bit and then we leave'. At this stage I have to insist she agrees, she actually has to say OK. If she refuses we leave there and then so she always says OK immediately. In a few minutes I remind her the deal and then we leave. Oddly that works! It just means you have to think about any change a few minutes in advance.
  

• As often as possible I give her a choice, but my choice. So I say "Do you want the pink coat or the white coat?" rather than asking her if she wants a coat when I want her to wear one. Oddly this one works as well, faced with a choice between A and B she doesn't seem to think to say neither!
  

• For things that I really difficult I say "Do you want to do X by yourself or do you want mummy to do it for you?", I repeat this once more and then I say "You did not want to do X by yourself so mummy will do it for you in One, Two, Three". By three I do whatever it is no matter how much she objects. This took a few goes for her to learn and now 70% of the time she says she will do it herself and gets it done and 30% of the time I get as far as "One" and she screams "No Two, No Two" and does it herself.
  

Good luck! It's a very frustrating time but they do get over it!

[KatyN]

We have a lot of 'on my own' from my son who is 2.3. Yesterday he wanted to put his socks on. He has absolutely NO chance of that. He got them over his toes and I said that was on and gave a massive cheer.

Some things I just say no mummy has to do that... Shoe laces, pushing the pushchair across th road, his car seatbelt, making tea. Other things I give mega praise for doing part of..washing himself in the bath, socks on, wellies on. The final category I just make up and give hi a different job... So if I am making tea for someone I give him an empty cup to carry through. The recipient gets two cups but only one has tea. Emptying the dishwasher, he stands next to it and brushes everything with a pastry brush rather than carry heavy plates etc.

That's quite a long story. I hope it makes sense.

K

[ChoudeBruxelles]

Pick your battles. If she doesn't put her coat on she will learn that she will get cold. Just take it with you to put it on when she's ready.

Give her warnings about what is going to happen. "In five minutes we need to tidy up and put our coat and shoes on to go out" etc.

Remember 2.5 year olds are not completely irrational

[dyslexicdespot]

We are going through the same thing with DS. I skippet through his infancy, and feel like I'm paying the price for thinking that being a mother was kind of easy!

[muser31]

thank you for the responses and suggestions - excellent ones. it is such a tough age isn't it... i like the idea of giving dd a different but similar job she can do if she can't do what i am doing. i do praise her a lot when she can do it herself, but when she gets to the bit when she can't do it (and i have tried warning her mummy is going to help do this bit) then its still melt down and kicking and screaming... i have decided this week im going to start letting her get ready a LOT earlier before we have to go out to reduce the stress, and see if it helps, ill also try the one, two three mummy will do it trick when it gets to the stage where we simply must go out or we will be late. mum has taken her for awhile today which is great as i was just feeling so overwhelmed and pretty down about it. im just dreading the next week. i really hope this stage passes quickly!

[Haggisfish]

I agree with the pick your battles- my daughter has a similar aversion to coats - I can't be bothered to fight her to get it on - she'll ask for it on if she gets cold!