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hate my life(12 Posts)
thats it really, I have just had enough. After 10 months my son refuses to let me sleep for more than 3 -4 hours a night. I am back at work full time with a long commute and literally cant take anymore. he has always been a difficult baby, couldnt put him down/wouldn't stop crying for the first 3 months and I am just not cut out to be a mother. I have no money, no time and no sleep. cannot see how this gets any better
I hope someone can give you advice. It sounds really tough. I don't like to sound like I'm patronising you, I'm really not but could you go to bed earlier or let him cry? Are you on your own? Could anyone take him for a night now and again? Is there a chance of a job without the long commute? Is there anything that could change? Are you depressed? Knowing things will get better may be helpful but doesn't help you right now. I'm so sorry OP.
Do you have a partner? If so he needs to share the night time stuff!
Is your ds waking for milk? To play?
What are his day time naps like?
I have a 10 month old dd.
she has 2 naps per day one in am and one in pm which come to 2.5 hours all together at the most
She goes to bed at 7. On a good night she sleeps til 5. On a bad night she wakes at 3 for milk and is usually back asleep for 4am
I have tried not feeding her when she wakes but she cannot be calmed with anything but a bottle so I am assuming she is generally hungry
I work too and I know how hard it is to get up and drag yourself into work on little sleep. Would there be any way to reduce your working hours? As you sound very unhappy
Also have you spoken to your hv about this? She may be able to advise re sleep?
I think a lot of first time mums perhaps have a lovely little image of a cuddly little baby, and don't perhaps think that they could end up in a situation like this
I don't think it's a case of your not cut out to be a mum, I think you need some support
I agree with mumof3 you need help, and who wouldn't in your situation. You are doing your best and are utterly exhausted. A bit of support to give you some recovery time for yourself would make all the difference. Being tired and run down distorts how we see things because everything becomes overwhelming. Can you get a break OP, even for a couple of hours to nap?
I totally know how you feel, mine is only 4 months but totally unputdownable, terrible at night and also have a demanding toddler. This morning I really just wanted to curl up and hide in bed/sleep all day, but obviously not an option. I will have to go back to work in a few months and am dreading it. Does your son go to nursery? Maybe you could just call in to work sick and send him to nursery for a couple of days and just rest yourself.
It does get better, honestly.
It's the sleep that needs sorting. I've found you can cope with everything else if you've had a decent night sleep.
There are lots of ways to tackle it from gentle cuddling instead of feeding, to CC. You'll get lots of advice here, but we'd need a few more details.
Are you feeding, when he wakes? Do you pick him up? Lights on?
Does he eat well and have enough milk in the day? Growing well? Any medical problems?
What's his rough routine?
What have you tried?
Do you have a DP, DM or other help?
DS woke every 45 mins for 5m. I do understand the utter exhaustion of it. The waking up and wondering if you can actually survive another day. Crying in desperation and then not even having the energy to cry.
Keep posting, it's very cathartic.
Do keep posting, OP.
What was it Napoleon said - everyone's a good captain in calm waters (or something). Don't judge your capacity as a mother based on what you're going through at the moment - working full-time with a long commute and a 10 month old would push most sane people to their limits, and on top of that you're getting no sleep and it sounds like you have a fairly high needs baby. No wonder you're at breaking point.
I absolutely sympathise and like others have said, the poor sleep can magnify everything else.
It's also very difficult to think about tackling the sleep when you are so utterly desperate for every minute you can get.
It's the first thing to sort though, because then you feel a bit more in control and can look at other issues. Perhaps give us more information and we can help? Who else can you involve? What's your DS's sleep pattern/routine?
DS1 woke every 2-3 hours until I nightweaned him at 2 years old - I went back to work when he was a year old. You get used to it and when he was 2.5 yrs he's slept through every night and while he was also a difficult baby (relate to the crying for 3 months) he was a dream of a toddler/preschooler - no nightmare tantrums here.
So, while it might seem bleak now, your body will adjust to broken sleep (once DS1 started sleeping through boht me and DH found we couldn't sleep longer than 4 hours - total bummer) and having a more testing baby now doesn't mean he'll be a nightmare when he's older. He's only 10 months, still getting used to food, teeth, wanting to be mobile, he has lots going on.
Agree with pp that you maybe need to see what help is available to you, and to see if any relatives could look after your wee boy overnight, maybe even once a fortnight to give you a break.
It really does get better, but if you're feeling really down and can't see a way out, talk to your HV just in case pnd is creeping up on you..
Have you tried letting him cry it out? At ten months he should be able to sleep through. I understand your pain, I'm currently waking up a few times a night...although my baby is 3.5 months and that is how it should be at that age, it's still hard. I sure hope he can sleep better soon. Have not seen much progress at all since he was a newborn!!!!!
Hang on in there OP - at 10mo my DD was actually waking more often than she had as a newborn (teething?) and I felt broken. I thought it would never end and I was also bavk at work and really struggling.
Just coming up to 12 months she suddenly started sleeping for longer stretches for no apparent reason, and (colds aside) she's now rising 13m and is sleeping for 6/7 hour periods at a time - I'm starting to reliably have between 1am-ish and 7 or 8amish of unbroken sleep (though we cosleep so I'm not sleeping as deeply as I normally would). Still struggling but a bit less, and life is starting to look bearable again. Things may all change for you all of a sudden and just give you that little bit of help. Thinking of you OP!
I agree with cry it out. My dd is 10 mo and if she was crying and waking every few hours (if not for medical or hunger reasons) i would be leaving her to cry. I have never really had to do this so I appreciate it must be hard, but it could be your dd is just in this habit that you are enabling.
I know people harp on about leaving a baby to cry isnt naturual blah blah but do honestly think in the cave men days women would be attending to a 10mo all night whilst needing their energy for the next day and all their other kids. No. Their baby ( if well fed and watered and healthy) would surely be left to cry for bit before nodfing off.
Plus if you feeling as low as you are it can only be a good thing to perhaps leave her? Sure after a few nights she will realise and get into pattern of self settling. Im really not an advocate for controlled crying , but your situstion sounds desperate snd i feel sad for you you must be exhausted.
Hust want to add I can empathise as dd was a crier until 6mo and she would often wake from 6pm -9pm every night until 8mo. Bedtime was a nightmare for 8 months. Eventually she just suddenly learnt to settle herself to sleep so we didnt have to go uo and down stairs 500 times a night haha! If she was stilling doung this now i honestly would have stopped settling her and leave her as it was never ending! Up and down the stairs - literally just reinforcing the idea that she needed me for her to drift off. A sleepytot rabbit helps which we attach her dummies to ( from amazon) it soothes her and she goes to nap / bedtime awake and soothes herself back off through night too ( unless really upset / hungry which is very rare now)
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