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Toy sharing (or not 1yo and 3yo)

(7 Posts)
DeathMetalMum Fri 07-Feb-14 08:18:54

I have two dd's 11 months and 3 (next week). I am having a difficult time with getting my three year old to understand taking it in turns. Most of the time she gets it, but yesterday we got some of the next stage baby toys out of the loft (they were hers but she doesn't remember as she keeps saying they are new toys with great happiness). Well some of these toys she is outright refusing to even take turns with dd2 and if she manages to get her hands on them then dd1 snatches them away - she does snatch a lot off dd2 resulting in huge dramatic tears from dd2 but if I say 'it's dd2's time for a turn then she usually gives it back (not so with theese 'new' toys).

I have taken one of the toys away this morning with saying if you are not taking in turns then you don't get to play - Is tis the right thing to do? Dd1 was rather inconsolable. Is there anythig I can do to mininise the snatching?

whatsgoinon Fri 07-Feb-14 12:24:08

with my 6mo and 2yr 6mo i say the eldest can have the toy, but she has to find a replacement and give it to DC2 before she takes it . . .

but i guess at some point DC2´s needs should gain more priority but at the moment she doesn´t mind what she plays with

anyway no practical help with your particular situation but i did spend this morning reading `siblings without rivalry´ which I recommend grin

MiaowTheCat Fri 07-Feb-14 12:40:48

I've always been kind of uncomfortable when kids get the idea of "sharing" being walking up a child that has something they fancy and demanding it, while saying "you have to share" - which I've seen a lot of kids get it into their head that is what it entails if you get what I mean?

I tend to operate the "she had it first, go find something different to play with until she's finished" approach with my pair, and double up on stuff they're particularly obsessed with (that wretched "let's call mummy" fucking toy phone).

DeathMetalMum Fri 07-Feb-14 20:44:18

Thanks yes we do operate the 'x had it first' approach sometimes also but it seems to work far better children around her age as dd can't just take it off them, she only really does it with dd2.

I suppose it's the snatching thats more of a problem rather than the 'sharing'. Though dd does seem a little like gollum with this particular toy.

MiaowTheCat Sat 08-Feb-14 10:17:15

In this house DD2 is rapidly becoming a little toughie who can more than hold her own when her sister tries to nab a toy off her... DD1 was NOT happy at this turn of events but meh she'll have to learn to deal with it!

puntasticusername Sat 08-Feb-14 10:21:40

You could try timing each child's turn eg with an egg timer. It's palpably fair, the children can see the sand running through, and neither child has to wait long for their go.

attheendoftheday Wed 12-Feb-14 11:22:30

Our house rule is - you have to find a way to share or the toy goes away. Obviously some toys are easier to take turns, some both dds (just 1 and 2.7) can use at the same time.

Dd1 manages pretty well most of the time. I found it helped to emphasize that dd2 will have a turn and then it will be her turn again.

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