14 month old challenging behaviour(8 Posts)
So DD is only 14 months old and I'm already starting to feel out of my depth. Since about 11 months she has started with some epic tantrums (throw yourself on the floor, screaming, throwing everythhing in sight). Every single day, several times a day - despite me doing my best to avoid triggers.
She is hitting, biting, kicking, headbutting just for fun, she even laughs when she does it. And the bloody scrreching and screaming (not upset just likes the noise) but it is ear piercing and goes on all day long.
Everday is becoming a battle, i get her dressed - so she undresses, i get ready - so she trashes the bathroom, i make her food - she throws it at me, i take her out she screams and tantrums, try to get her to sleep - refuses to sleep.
I'm a single parent with no access to friend/family support (in fact I've never had a 'break' from her of any kind).Hopefully though i should haave more support soon when we move within the next two months but right now i am drained. I feel like I've done it all wrong and have no idea how to cope with these situations. I even struggle not to loose my temper - some days i just feel like screaming back at her
But mostly i hate the thought that she might be unhappy and this is why she behaves like this and its killing me.
Is it a phase (please tell me it ends soon)? How should i be addressing these behaviours? Mostly i've tried distraction, ignoring and about a million 'gentles' and 'o gawd no, no, we don't climb up the window...'
Ignore as much as you can. I found the Toddler Taming book quite good. Move to another room if possible - if the audience leaves the room the actor has no one to play to. If she takes her clothes off then let her be cold. Let her calm down and get over it and she'll let you know when she's ready to get dressed.
Are you managing to get out each day? Try to get to some group activities like toddler groups or meet with friends who have children the same age. It is hard but it's a phase an it will pass.
Tentatively I say this - but it sounds like normal behaviour! At least I hope it is, because my 14 month old is exactly the same!
He's currently into biting - just me , but biting non the less. He's tantruming multiple times a day. He doesn't listen (I don't think he actually understands) to no, or if he does, it results in meltdown number 5,313 of the day. He constantly hits me, not maliciously, but in an attention seeking way of sorts.
Despite the constant attention given...! And yes, he smiles and laughs his way through it all (when not tantruming!).
I got an email the other day which you may find insightful. I'll find it now, and C&P it. It's from wonder weeks.
"Now that your toddler takes his first steps into the world of “principles,” you notice that he completes various “programs” more suddenly and naturally. He starts to get on top of things. Your toddler is no longer a baby. Time has come to lay down some ground rules. Now that he has entered the world of principles, he yearns for rules. He is looking for chances to familiarize himself with them. Just as he must satisfy his appetite by eating, so, he must satisfy this yearning for rules. Most rules he will only discover if you present them to him. Social rules in particular are important. You must show him what is acceptable and what is not acceptable socially. There is no harm in laying down the law. On the contrary, you owe it to him, and who better to do so than someone who loves him?
How your baby explores the New World of Principles:
Playing with emotions by practicing all sorts of behavior and facial expressions from sad to happy and sweet.
Wants to do things by himself. For instance, he only eats properly if he can feed by himself. Helping when it’s not wanted could result in everything ending up on the floor.
Replays the daily domestic business done indoors and out. He “cooks,” “shops,” “takes walks,” “says goodbye,” and “takes care of his toys” He may even “become angry.”
Starts thinking ahead, contemplate and makes plans.
Starts nagging and temper tantrums in order to get his way. Now it is high time to lay down some ground rules. This is an in-depth investment. It is the recipe for keeping a nice kid instead of creating a “Terrible Two.”
Understands mine and yours
Starts negotiating and bargaining
May have irrational fears. Show sympathy because he is not faking."
If I'm right in thinking your baby was born around Nov 2012, there is a Nov 12 babies postnatal club on here - if you go to the postnatal section. You will find you are most definitely not alone. Lot's of lovely women will be waiting to empathise with you, and may have good advice!
Here is the thread det talks of.
My lo has just started the screaming when he wants something. Starts as a sequel then gets louder. Dh witnessed his first tantrum today. Shocked dh.
It is a phase, but it's a tough one. I'd forgotten how challenging this age can be - dd2 is now 15mo. She gets on top of the dining table, has managed to break through the fire guard and cover herself in soot in the fireplace
while brandishing a poker and tantrums when removed from attempting to climb the shelves / curtains / anything dangerous. I do remember with ds1 a period of time where all I seemed to do was remove him from things whilst saying "No!" firmly, while he got cross and then promptly did it again. You just have to persevere though, and reinforcing the boundaries again and again and again and a-bloody-gain! eventually pays off. We started using the 'naughty spot' (very un-pc terminology, I realise with hindsight) when ds1 was 2yo and it worked a treat for discipline and as a deterrent for naughty behaviour. In the meantime, I send you empathy. It will get easier!
I found the age from 1 to about 18 months really tiring - but since 18 months it has been so so much better - once they can really move about properly - so running, walking at a normal pace Etc you can do so much more with them, wear them out in the park - personally I find thy toddler groups bring out the worst in my son - too much stimulation and hecticness - I think the best is to just find other parents of small children and go to a big open space where they can run around an there is nothing to fight over!
Adult company will help - sounds like you need other changes in your life such as support Etc - are you going to get any childcare? I think even a few hours a week is good for both parent and child ....
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