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Mummy to 6 month old and pregnant again -LOST

(14 Posts)
Harrietandjames Wed 05-Feb-14 12:04:42

Hi, I'm feeling so lost I have found out I'm 4-5 weeks pregnant. My son is 6 months old and doing great but is it too soon? I suffered with postnatal depression and am still dealing with that. Having a new baby means my career will be put on hold. Can anyone give advice??

icravecheese Wed 05-Feb-14 12:52:03

Any time to have a baby can feel like the wrong time.... I have 3 much wanted & planned children, but I remember having huge, upsetting doubts when pregnant with both babies 2 & 3. It usually happened after the euphoria of finding out I was pregnant again had died down (so weeks 6-8 of pregnancy, just as morning sickness hit, great timing!).

I think what you're feeling is perfectly natural, but given your history of PND, why don't you visit either your GP or, better still, bypass him/her and go straight to midwife....there's nothing like a friendly midwife to make you feel better / reassured etc.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Queenofknickers Wed 05-Feb-14 13:06:23

I could have written your post 8 years ago. I was in bits. This is do-able and survivable BUT you must have support and I mean proper MH support - easiest to get this is to pay for it unfortunately but definitely get GP to refer you to antenatal mental health team too.

As for the career - I realise looking back that an extra year or two made NO difference at all.

Two under two is hard BUT also can be extremely joyful - my DSs are very close, have shared friends and we got all the nappies and sleeplessness out the way in one go. Plus my little "surprise" is the apple of my eye.....

The absolute key is support for YOU.x

Harrietandjames Wed 05-Feb-14 14:04:23

Thanks both, I just keep thinking to myself how lucky I will be having both my children so close... I'm sure they'll be best friends. I'm on such a high then a low which may only be hormones. I'm a great believer in what's meant to be and after struggling to conceive 1st time round am in such shock for a silly accident.
I think I will book in with my gp they are currently managing my PD.
It's nice to know there are people out there who have similar experiences!!
��

MyPantsAreGreen Wed 05-Feb-14 14:19:32

I remember phoning my midwife in a panic and in tears when I found out I was pregnant when dc1 was 9 months. I shall not lie it was tough coping with 2 in nappies and pushing my cumbersome Double buggy everywhere but 4 years on I would not change a thing. Not a jot. If I live long enough to see my girls have children I hope they do the same. The sisters are so close and loving its priceless - like everything in life where there's hard work and sacrifice involved the rewards are bountiful. Good luck!

MyPantsAreGreen Wed 05-Feb-14 14:25:28

Something that has got me through number 3 (again very close in age) is marking on the calendar a 'me day'. My husband has plenty of notice then that the named day is where I please myself and treats eg shopping haircut meeting a friend. I look forward to these days and it's really helped me to put myself first for a change. Which is good for me mentally.

Harrietandjames Wed 05-Feb-14 16:05:53

I don't drive at the moment so the double buggy thing is haunting me smile. My first had such bad colic I just hope this baby is more content at the newborn stage.
Praying for a better birth too my first was so awful. I'm just trying to relax as much as possible.

Harrietandjames Wed 05-Feb-14 16:07:05

Me day!! Great idea grin x

emblosion Wed 05-Feb-14 21:44:08

I'm sending you love OP. I was in exactly your position - traumatic birth and ptsd/pnd with ds1. Found out I was pregnant when he was 4 months old. Think I was terrified/happy in equal measure.

Ds2 arrived at a surprising 34 weeks and was in scbu for 12 days. There is 11 months between them. Even with the early arrival my birth experience was a billion times better than with ds1. Like night and day and so much easier.

They are now 20 months and 7 months or thereabouts and already they enjoy being together do much, its lovely to see.

its been hard at times but its worth it. Ive had no return of the pnd so far either. I was so alert to the possibility though and made sure I had lots of support in place after the birth.

good luck with everything OP. You'll be grand.

Harrietandjames Thu 06-Feb-14 08:56:55

I was very alone with my ds1 I have told parents about this pregnancy and they promise to be around for me. Your all right support is the absolute key. I can do this and it will be the making of my DS I have always wanted him to have a sibling. There is no time like the present! Feeling very positive!! Thanks xx

MiaowTheCat Thu 06-Feb-14 12:08:31

You could be me - took us 6 years to get DD1 - horrifically traumatic birth and aftermath... and 3 months or so later I found out I was pregnant with DD2. I did have to take anti-depressant/anxiety meds through the pregnancy and swapped from what I was on to a one that were meant to be safer in pregnancy. As DD2 arrived slightly prematurely (4 weeks early) I have an 11 month age gap but it's surprisingly do-able and they are very very very close as a pair of sister (although going into her bed after DD2's gone down for her nap you do sometimes wish DD1 wouldn't go in going "ssssshhh quiet.... HI SISTER!!!!")

whatsagoodusername Thu 06-Feb-14 13:06:54

My two are a year apart - they are great together! It is very hard at first, but then they start to play together and entertain each other and it's lovely to see. And because I was so tired, DS1 had to be very independent and started taking himself up the stairs around 6 months (he was very quick on all the physical stuff)! I supervised, but he crawled up/down.

The double buggy isn't so bad! I have a Phil & Teds, which has worked well for me - I can get into all lifts, through doors, on and off buses and trains, up and down escalators. It is getting very heavy now my boys are 2 and 3, but I still find it easier to push than the cheap single and buggy board I've got. It certainly doesn't restrict me any more than the first buggy I had when it was just DS1. Go to a shop and have a look at them all and see what works for you. We did this - then bought it off eBay for £100, everything included. grin

Harrietandjames Thu 06-Feb-14 16:22:43

It's so nice to hear everyone's positive stories it's going to be hard I know but sounds like it's going to be very rewarding smile I was thinking of the baby jogger city select for a double it looks really versatile. I let my midwife know today and booked myself in with the doctor to find a safe AD to use. I don't want to come off them cause I know my mood will drop rapidly.
I'm in a very happy place today, still very nervous and in shock as I never thought I would have a second this quick due to our struggles.
I've been having CBT that seems to be going very well too.
Dread going back to work with the news in March but if anyone isn't happy as long as I am and my family that's all that matters.
Did any of you breast feed with DD2 or DS2 I wasn't able to with DS1 due to the trauma but was thinking of it being a possibility for baby2

whatsagoodusername Thu 06-Feb-14 19:48:55

I breastfed DS2 well, mix bottle and breast and didn't have any problems as far as having two very young DC was concerned. I had stopped breastfeeding DS1 when I got pregnant again because it just wasn't working anymore, so he wasn't bothered if I was feeding DS2. I was not able to express because DS1 was absolutely fascinated by the pump and kept snatching it off me.

If you think DC2 will have bottles, you will need to consider how that will be with your DS1. We had planned to give up bottles at a year, then realised we couldn't take DS1's bottles away and give them to DS2. So they both had them until DS2 was a little over a year.

If you want to get DS1 off bottles before the birth, make sure it's at least a month or two before.

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