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Am I doing enough with dc2?

(14 Posts)
FlyAwayToMalibu Tue 04-Feb-14 13:24:27

Dc2 is 5 months old. His sister is 2.2. When on mat leave with dd I did loads with her - baby sensory, music classes, swimming lessons, literally an organised baby activity mon-sat and lots of museums, galleries, coffee shops etc.

I'm worried now I have dc2 I'm not doing enough for him. He seems to get carted around dds activities and I feel like I'm failing him.

Here's what we do :

Mon - a mixed age music class, he loves this
Tues and Wed - dd is in nursery so I use this time for cooking, cleaning, shopping.
Thurs - we do a playgroup that's aimed at dds age but there are other babies there. There's loads of toys, tummy time oportunies, singingand story time.
Fri - another playgroup but this one us not very baby friendly. Mostly for 18months - 5 yrs old.
Sat - we take them both swimming but not lessons

Apart from the odd bit of singing I feel like I don't do much for him.

Am I overthinking things?

I interact with him lots, cuddles etc.

littlemslazybones Tue 04-Feb-14 13:59:31

What, no Latin? smile

He's only 5mo, all he needs to do is mooch around you as you chat to him and watch the world go by.

FlyAwayToMalibu Tue 04-Feb-14 14:01:52

Thank you little I needed to hear that.

Toddlers need to do more than babies don't they? It's not like it's favouritism is it?

PortofinoRevisited Tue 04-Feb-14 14:05:07

Blimey - that sounds exhausting! grin I really would not worry - he will have plenty of fun hanging out with you.

PumpkinPie2013 Tue 04-Feb-14 14:05:34

I'd say it sounds like you do alot which he also enjoys (the music class, thurs group and swimming) and he gets to spend time with you and his big sister.

He also gets lots of interaction and cuddles which I'm sure he loves.

It must be hard with two young children and it sounds like you do great!

I only have one 10 week old little boy but I must admit I also worry I don't do enough with him. We go to a group on a Wed, for walks/to visit people and when we are home I play with him as much as possible but still feel guilty when he's sat in his bouncer watching me make tea or whatever!

littlemslazybones Tue 04-Feb-14 14:06:29

No, it's not favouritism, he'll love all the stuff his sister does when he's a toddler too.

ShoeWhore Tue 04-Feb-14 14:11:32

OP it all sounds fine. Your lo mainly needs to be with you and have lots of cuddles and hear you chatting to him.

When my eldest was that age, there weren't really any baby activities to go to. There was a baby & toddler swimming session we used to go to which was nice. Otherwise, we used to go for walks and I met friends for coffee. Sometimes we went shopping and in the summer he enjoyed playing on a blanket in the park or the garden. When he was a bit bigger he enjoyed the swings in the park.

I do think that baby classes are more for the mums tbh (which is important too) The thing is that everything looks new interesting and stimulating to your baby. A trip to the supermarket or the park is multi-sensory if you stop and think about it.

FlyAwayToMalibu Tue 04-Feb-14 14:26:02

Thank you everyone that's helped put my mind at ease. pumpkin that's exactly how I feel when he's in his bouncer or playmat - guilty like I should be doing something with him.

Tbh I think I did too much with dd and doubt sge enjoyed half the stuff I took her to. Plus it was very expensive. This time it's mainly library groups or £1-2 playgroups. Sounds silly but I think I feel a bit guilty for spending so much of dd's baby activities and ds having to make do with dd's everything - clothes, toys etc.

Completely stupid thinking of mine I know.

Nevercan Tue 04-Feb-14 14:33:14

It is always more difficult with two and I felt the same. However now dd1 has now started school i can get to do more one on one things with dd2 which is nice

Pregnantberry Tue 04-Feb-14 14:38:45

Wow, what a busy week! You sound like a really good mum, OP, no need to worry. smile

bcmummy Tue 04-Feb-14 14:54:38

I have had exactly this thought over and over again about my DD who is now almost 2 (I also have a DS who is 5 and now at school). Before DS went to school in August, the only thing I did with DD that was actually for her was a baby/toddler group one morning a week while DS was in nursery. The whole rest of the time she was carted around to DS's activities, with me to the supermarket, etc. Like you I did LOADS with DS when he was a baby and I felt very guilty that DD was not getting the same attention!

My mum reassured me though by reminding me that DD was getting loads of entertainment just from watching her big brother and to be honest I am pretty clear now with hindsight that most of the stuff that I did with DS when he was small was more for me than for him! It was a chance to get out of the house & to meet other mums etc. I'm not sure how much he actually got out of those things when he was tiny!

Now that DS is at school I have time to take DD to activities and I love it and, now that she is getting old enough to really engage with them, she does too! I still don't do as many things with her as I did with DS though as I simply haven't got the same amount of time, but to be honest DD is always happy just pottering around. She also plays brilliantly on her own with very little input from me, whereas DS craves attention all the time - I blame myself for that as I never gave him 2 minutes peace when he was wee and I think he didn't develop the skills to entertain himself very well. So in short, you are doing great and yes you are right to concentrate on the older child - they can get so much more out of activities and all your baby really needs is something to watch & be entertained by & loads of cuddles!

ShoeWhore Tue 04-Feb-14 16:36:59

It's right about having time with the youngest when your older ones are at school - in some ways that's better as there is loads more they can do and enjoy. Plus your younger one has the bonus of having the big one around, which is really fab for them.

I firmly believe that you can only be the best parent you can in the current circumstances - it can't be the same with dc2 (unless you have a humungous age gap then I suppose it might be a bit) and I'm not sure it should be either.

Anyway you might think lying on a playmat watching your mum make tea is boring but when your 5mo that's a really cool interesting activity grin Your baby has to learn about stuff like that. And like bcmummy says, no bad thing for them to learn to entertain themselves a bit too.

FlyAwayToMalibu Tue 04-Feb-14 18:27:02

Thank you all so much for the reassurance. I guess the other thing that contributes to mu guilt is the fact I'm returning to work FT when ds is 10 months old. And while I went back to work FT when dd was 13 months I went back pregnant, so I've got to spend extra bonus time with her which I won't get to with ds.

I appreciate you all saying I'm a good mum, that makes me feel better.

Eletheomel Tue 04-Feb-14 19:35:19

Sounds as if you do loads! I did more organised stuff with DS1 (not everyday, but we tried baby swimming (he hated it), baby sign language - which we both liked, and the odd meet up with friends - that was it) but with DS2, I attended a couple of mother/baby, toddler mornings in the first 6 months and that was all! He's 8 months now and I'm lucky if I get him to the local baby/toddler group once a week (only been once since xmas).

The rest of the time is spent with him napping, me taking DS1 to and from nursery, ocassional afternoon visits with friends (for me and DS1 rather than for him) and me and him and DS1 playing with his toys/baby gym in between.

I do aim to get him to one group a week (so he can see other babies/toddlers) but I often fail to do this.

However, I'm not sure he's being that disadvantaged by not being carted on and off buses at awkward times to attend sessions that are maybe more for my benefit - I've been much more laid back and less concerned with 'organised' activities this time round. I'm not saying that DS2 isn't being disadvantaged but I'm pretty confident he's doing okay (hoping that doesn't come back to bite me :-) And you sound like your child is getting the best of both worlds (mummy time and external activities/fun stuff).

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