Custody questions

[Toffee2014]

Hi,

I'm 4 months pregnant separated from baby's dad before I even found out I was pregnant, he was being supportive at first but is now being a bit difficult. It really feels like he just wants to put his stamp on the baby with out thinking about what is best, he was a good as demanding her have his surname which I don't agree with, he has a double barrel name so I don't think putting out names together is an option. He now thinks he can take her for weekends when I go back to work and she will likely only be 9 months old and I think that's too young when he wouldn't have had over nights, I suggested we could rent together for the first year so he gets to bond, he said no so I'm with my parents again. He is a smoker and says he will 'see' about giving up and thinks there is no weight in the argument that third hand smoke is bad for babies, he was even being difficult over the fact I wanted to get her christened even though he is not religious in any way but he knows it would mean a lot to me and I said he could pick a godmother too! I feel I am trying to be reasonable but he is not, I'm not sure what else to do but thinking I may speak to a solicitor to get advice?

[foolonthehill]

maybe move the question to legal?

[Toffee2014]

I'm thinking I may have to, I'm just not sure if I'm being reasonable or not? Perhaps I'm not,but not sure what else I could/should do :-(

[Toffee2014]

O I see what you mean - yes legal would make more sense, see my brain is not working!

[foolonthehill]

I know.

it's a whole other world.

AFAIK as you are not married you do not have to put him on the birth certificate and then he would not have automatic parental responsibility without going through the courts.

I think the first question is what is this relationship about for you? Is it affirming, life enhancing, loving and respectful? If no then the questions change because you will see him as your baby's father but not your partner.

First make your decision about the relationship,then look at what it means for him to be a father to your child.

good luck

[deakymom]

really he has no choice in a few things if you are the resident parent it makes more sense for the baby too have your name even if he is on the birth certificate if unmarried parents have a child and both their names are on the birth certificate the child can legally use both names my daughter did this there is also a section on the birth certificate which states the childs name you really are the only person who can say what goes there as his name is put on there at your liberty

i dont think living with him would work and suggests that you want a relationship with him when really you should be wanting him to have a relationship with your child not you i would suggest you to get your own place as you might want it when the baby comes along but thats your preference xx