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Anyone else with a toddler not in nursery/preschool and a newborn?

(9 Posts)
stopgap Mon 03-Feb-14 12:35:44

DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is a week old. I am very lucky, in that my parents are staying with me for the next ten weeks (I'm overseas) but then I shall be on my own, plus my DH works long hours and can only help out for thirty minutes in the morning.

To top it off, DS1--even pre-baby--is an incredibly demanding toddler, in terms of wanting my fullest attention at all times, whining etc.

AND I've just moved to a new area and have no friends locally.

How does someone in this situation go about their day? Does getting out and about as much as possible help? Must admit, I have really scaled back toddler groups and such since DS1 turned two, as his behaviour is really trying (shouts over me when I talk to others, or harps "All done, let's go" as soon as we walk into the room).

HelenHen Mon 03-Feb-14 16:27:38

Sounds like a tough situation! Are there good support groups where you are? Is there a health visitor equivalent you can ask? Can you go to baby groups as much as you can while your parents can occupy ds1? And then hopefully by the time they leave you will have found some kind of network! Getting outside always makes things nicer and should help ds1 get rid of some energy! Groups are always the best if you can find any suitable, messy play? Music groups?

MummyAbroad Mon 03-Feb-14 16:51:59

I was you a few years ago. Mine are now 5 and 2 and I survived! :-)

I also live overseas, and also didnt really have help (husband left when 3 months pregnant with number two)

Yes, getting out of the house helps!

What saved me was having a decent double pram and getting out of the house at the same time every day. The routine kept me and the kids sane (and the walk tired them out), I got some exercise and we all made lots of friends at the local park who we still keep in touch with.

I also found some other ex pat mums via facebook groups, and met up with them weekly, we took turns hosting the group in our houses. Have a look and see what you can find, and if you dont find a page - start one! Call it something like "expat families in 'name of city'" and see who joins.

If there is anyway you can get childcare for the youngest for an hour or two you could also consider taking your eldest to something like a mum and toddler swimming club. Its a nice way to meet people, get rid of some of the cobwebs and will give you a chance to spend some extra time with your eldest which might mitigate some of the tantrums by giving him some extra attention.

good luck!

mostlyconfused Mon 03-Feb-14 23:55:07


I'm in a similar situation.
My daughter will be nearly 3 by the time my son is born. I'm already worried about the long days ahead with just children for company.
I don't really have any friends with young kids and my mum can only visit once a week.
I don't drive and all the parks and soft play etc are about a 45 min walk away. Maybe even more with a toddler and a pram!
My husband works long hours and is usually out from 8am to 8pm with only day off.
I feel guilty for worrying as I know I am really lucky to be able to spend time with my kids but don't to just be "mum" all the time.

Any advice to keep me sane ?


gracegrape Tue 04-Feb-14 00:02:13

This was me a year ago. Same age gap as you and my DD1 was only in nursery one morning a week. It was very hard work, especially as we had bad winter weather which made it harder to get out. I do think groups were the best thing to get us out of the house. Do you think you might find them easier now your DS is a bit older? Would a more structured activity suit him? If you have a sports centre nearby sometimes they do physical activity classes for toddlers and pre-schoolers. Apart from that, I tried to get to the park whenever the weather was ok.

It is difficult and very tiring. If you are being "mum" all day, can you try to fit in 30 minutes or so of peace. I used to get DD1 to play in her room for half an hour after lunch when I would hope that DD2 would have a nap, or I would lie down with her for a feed.

hoppinghare Tue 04-Feb-14 00:02:18

I have 3. You'll get used to bringing the baby along with the toddler. I like a mixture of going out and staying in. They'll be great company for each other after a year or so. Enjoy.

gracegrape Tue 04-Feb-14 00:03:28

And don't forget, once your eldest turns 3 you will have 15 hours a week of free childcare (although this coincided almost exactly with me going back to work so I didn't get any more peace!)

stopgap Tue 04-Feb-14 00:15:54

Grace grape, I'm overseas so no free child care, but I am planning to start DS1 at nursery two mornings a week, 8.30-1 twice a week.

My DS1 is actually much better if we go to a play centre or the park and randomly talks to other children, whereas he gets completely overwhelmed at music classes and such.

By the time my parents clear off, DS2 will be eleven weeks so hopefully I'll be more adept with the wrap thing and be more confident about getting out and about with two.

oscarwilde Tue 04-Feb-14 12:44:02

I've been there but went back to work at 12 weeks. I would try to take advantage of your parents being around to get out and about with just your toddler. It will make life immeasureably easier if he is getting over the jealous phase by 12 weeks.
My toddler interpreted breastfeeding as the baby getting "lots of cuddles" and really resented being taken out to be entertained by other people if I was staying behind in the dead of winter with an underweight baby so as tough as it will be, I would try to get out in the mornings between feeds just with him if you can. From about 8-12 weeks, then start to make the outing joint and establish a weekly routine before your folks go.

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