At what age could your DC be put to bed by other people? (particularly if BF)(45 Posts)
Just out of interest as DH thinks most DC can be put to bed by anyone (granny, grandad, aunt etc) from an early age.
I have a DD (5) who still settle to bed every night. DH can do it if he takes her away to his parents but if we are at home she always wants me to do bedtime. Neither Granny has ever tried to put her to bed but I think at 5 they would be able to but we've never left her overnight on her own with them.
DD (3) is still breastfed to sleep so obviously associates me with bed time (and on waking in the night requires me to settle her) I'm hoping to night wean her soon and will get DH to settle her to sleep though I'm sure it wont be without a lot of protest. She has always napped at nursery so I can't see why we can't get her off to sleep at night without breastfeeding but I guess we need to break the habit.
To those of you who breastfed, did you have to wean before you could get your DC to settle at night for anyone else.
I appreciate your stories
Ds from a year old. Not often and only by grandparents.
Dd is 7 months so obviously not yet.
By 3 ds was sleeping out and self settling in his bed. He wasn't still breastfeeding though.
DS was 1 the 1st time. It's only been his Nanas so far. Not BF though. DH has done the majority of bed times since we stopped BF at around 2 months.
I think DD was put to bed by DH by about 4 months when she would take expressed milk in a bottle. I think babysitters managed it from 6 months.
I stopped breastfeeding at 13 months and it certainly became easier after that.
Yup, weaned them both first. So, from 3 for both my dc.
Ds put to bed by dh when I wasn't around at 18 months.
Stopped bf at 2 years. From then on can be put to bed by dh or me, didn't fuss either way.
Never tried being put to bed by anyone else.
DD is 18mo, still BF, goes to nursery and has her nap there 3 d/wk but I still BF her to sleep. nightwaking is dealt with by DH, since she was 10 mo. She screamed for 1.30h first night, then 30min the second night and now sleeps through. I have not tried to settle her to sleep without boob, she does not take bottle, and the amount she takes fron the cup or beaker is close to nihil, so I'd rather keep on BF although it can be tricky for me sometimes to deal with her sibling and her simultaneously some nights when DH travels.
DS spent a full month with grandma when he was 2.9 yo (massive flat refurbishment with too much dust and too many dangerous tools), she managed to get him to settle to sleep with her playing sudoku on a chair 2m away from him. He was BF until 10mo.
Not BF but both DC went to bed for my DH from 1 day old and for GP from about 1 month.
DH put DD to bed occasionally with an expressed bottle from 4 months. He's been putting her down regularly since about 12 months when I stopped BF. Grandparents are thousands of miles away but when I stayed with them a while ago (DD was 14 months) they managed to get her down while I was out (and that was with jet lag). They're staying here in March and hoping to get a night away with DH so will have them practice putting her down a few times at which point she'll be 2. If we lived near them I'm sure they'd have been babysitting and putting her down regularly by now.
Thanks all. It sounds as if the BF is key in my case. So if I can crack that, I may be free occasionally at bedtime at last!
From birth. Could all take a bottle though.
How sad to count your dh / child's father as 'other people' though
OP and other extended BF Mums, how do you wean ? I really enjoy BF and it looks like DD uses it during the day as a mean of reconnecting with me, she would come and pull on my top, stay on the boob for 2 min and dash off again to another activity and when I pick her up from nursery, this is the only thing she wants from me. I don't mind BF until she is 2, but after, I am not sure I want to.
DS1 BF until he was 15 months, would happily go to sleep without me from around 8 months for naps. DP and i only started to alternate bedtimes when ds stopped BFing in the evenings though.
Still bfing elder DS who is 3. I always do 'put him down' but he has settled for DP when I've gone out, and even resettled without me. I had some late nights with work last year, so he was just 2 when we first did it. Key for us has been getting DP involved with the routine so everything feels more or less normal.
Bite the bullet, OP, and just arrange to go out! We discussed with DS, and when I went he and DP went through usual dinner, bath, bed for stories. DP was gentle and discussed it like it was a huge treat or adventure, made t clear that he and DS could just read stories til I got home if DS didn't feel like sleeping and was prepared to just hang out/ read/ cuddle the whole night if needs be. DS went to sleep at his usual time and DP was very proud of himself. I wasn't all that impressed as I've been putting children to sleep for years now
From about 2y 3mo ish I think - she's 2y 6m now and already I can't quite remember! But yes, that was when I'd stopped feeding her to sleep. I still need to be around at bedtime to give her a cuddle and a kiss though!
Backforgood if 'other people' is 'people who aren't mum' then it's not sad that that includes the dad, just a fact! And if you're bf to sleep then no one else can do what the mum does. Doesn't mean daddy can't have lots of cuddles and stories at bedtime, he just can't feed to sleep.
I bfed DS1 until he was just after 2 years old, however, I would say that from about 18 months my sister (only family available that I'd trust - my parents are too old :-) was able to put him to bed (DH had put him to bed some time before that, maybe at 16 months?).
Although he still had his bfeed to sleep (he never had a bottle) he took a cup of cows milk off DH at bedtime, if I wasn't there. And once we were happy he'd do that with DH my sister did his bedtime routine when he was 18 months and we had an all day wedding to attend (which was our incentive for me going out for a night when he was 16 months so that DH could see if the cup of milk in my absence would work - and it did, no grumbles from DS1 at all).
If I was there, it'd be bfeed to sleep, if not cup of milk. I should add that if he didn't fall asleep after the milk (which he never did for cups and as he got older rarely did for bmilk) we'd then read him stories until he'd nod off (sometimes 8/9 stories).
When he got older we'd restrict him to 3 stories a night, but early doors we'd just keep reading (preferably nice rhyming stuff) until he felt tired (would take some time, but my sister was happy to do bedtime under those circumstances - she loved reading to her nephew :-)
blueblack Re: weaning off the boob - we forcibly nightweaned him at about 22 months (until then he was still waking for 3 bfeeds a night) and after that, he was only taking the bedtime milkfeed. So, I went out two nights in a row and my supply (as it was) totally plumpetted and he was complaining it wasn't enough so he wanted a cup of milk. Two months of him having bmilk then a top up off a cup and one day he decided there was no ' mummy milk' left and just took his cup. Randomly (months later) he'd occassionally mention 'mummy milk' but I'd just say that was gone now and he'd accept it.
Doh - I meant plumetted (although I do like the sound of plumpetted) and he was 24 months not 22 months when we nightweaned him (really must learn to re-read before hitting the post button!)
DS is still bf before bed most days (22mo). However we always put him down awake and he self settles himself to sleep. More luck than anything! He's done that for months. He's stayed out a few times (practices and then when I was in labour with DD) and others have managed to put him down easily too... Not sure how we've managed it!
I breastfed both mine past one year. They were both a bit easier to put to bed by me but went ok for both DH and Grandparents within a few weeks. They both took a bottle of expressed milk/formula if needed though which helped a lot. Now they are 3 and 2 and will be put to bed by anyone that they know well enough.
Wow, how have you lasted so long? I breastfed til about 10 months. Night and Morning feeds were last to go. However, dh had his own magic that he could work whenever we wanted. Dunno what he did but he's always been great at settling him... He always had to get up in the night cos I could never resettle him. If dh thinks he can do it, let him try! 5 is gonna be quite old to try and break habits like that though so it all depends on what methods you're comfortable with.
I bf but still insisted that dp do bedtime! I stopped feeding to sleep for naps at about 3 months - would rock/ pat etc - so anyone could do that ...
Dp would cuddle ds at bedtime from about a month old
No way would I face all bedtimes myself!
Thanks all- it has been a long 5 years! I would just like DH to be able to go up read bed time stories, cuddle them to sleep rather than be the one entertaining the one who isn't in bed whilst I get one to sleep and then have to go down and do the second bedtime before I can clock off.
Backforgood I don't think I used the term "other people". I think I said anyone other than me which was just stating a fact. It appears from many of the above posts that it is fairly common bf babies to be settled exclusively my mother for sometime.
Thank you all for your responses
DD (our one and only)
1st time - 2 1/2 months (she was mix fed and usually had a bf but not to sleep).
2nd time - 15 1/2 months
I was a tad worried but she was fine about it.
I don't think either of mine were put to bed by anyone else before they stopped BFing (DS1 20m, DS2 14m). Then it would have been DH. I think my mum first put them to bed when they were 4 and 2ish.
Actually I missed two - fish and 7/8 months so 4 in total. 1st and last with a babysitter. Middle two with grandparents. Oddly I am more relaxed about our sitter putting her to bed than grandparents!
Join the discussion
Please login first.