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Baby 7 months old and drives me crazy!!(51 Posts)
This is my first post and I haven't told anyone how I feel, so I thought I would test the waters with an anonymous post and seem what you think.
I have a little boy that is 7 months old, sleep well has 2 naps a day and eats 3 times a day. But..... I really don't like being a mum, I hate how mundane, tedious, repetitive and boring it is. LO is quite a difficult baby, he gets frustrated very easily, bored quickly and wants me to sit in front of him all day and pass him different toys. He wakes up crying, I go in to say hello and give him a toy whilst I go and get his bottle, and he is in full meltdown by the time I return 2 minutes later! After his bottle he is happy for 20mins of me constantly playing with him. Then another meltdown whilst I prepare breakfast, eats and he is fine. This basically continues all day :-(. Sometimes I do shout at him usually "What?!!!" As he has had a long nap, has a full tummy, dry bottom and he is still screaming?! It is driving me insane! I'm hoping when he crawls he will be entertained for longer than a couple of minutes but I really don't enjoy this.
I have a few friends with babies and they can plonk them on the floor with a toy and they are happy for ages, hey sit back enjoy their coffee and talk of how they can't bare the thought of leaving them when they return to work. I smile and nod, whilst thinking I cannot wait!!
Shouldn't I be bursting with love and thinking everything is cute? I spend more time frustrated, and upset and counting down the minutes until he is in bed. :-(
I went back to work when my DD was this age. It was great! I did miss her loads, but it was nice to get a bit of time to myself too - and she was an easy baby to boot.
People don't like to admit that sometimes caring for a baby can be rather boring, but it is.
Would you be able to put him in nursery for a morning or two? It would give you a break and you might then find you do enjoy your time with him more. A friend of mine has a delightful 2 yr old and is a SAHM and her little one is in nursery for one day a week which is an arrangement that suits them well.
DD is 8.5 months and since about 7 months has just been reaching and grabbing for everything it drives me crazy!
She learnt to crawl last week and already seems a bit happier, I think they figure out what they want to do before they figure out how to do it, and their brains go into overdrive.
Also, she is a lot happier when she wakes up at the right time, if she wakes up before she is ready she is revolting. Do you try to get him back to sleep in case he needs more? I always try for 30 seconds or so, it is usually pretty obvious if she is still sleepy or not.
Oh bless you. DS1 was exactly the same. It is incredibly hard work isn't it?
(DS1 never woke up without crying as a baby, whether he had had enough sleep or not. In contrast when ds2 arrived, I discovered that babies can wake and smile, or play in their cots - I've done nothing different. It's just personality. DS1 still hates waking up, he's now 13. He was useless at playing alone too, and was hard work at home but loved going out and about and playing with other children.)
I had planned to be a stay at home mum but when he was 18 months I gave up that dream and went back to work 3 days/week to pay for him to go to nursery, which he absolutely loved, having lots of other children to play with.
I'm a bit confused, you say your son sleeps well, eats well and has good naps but you describe him as difficult? From your post I don't see what is difficult about him, other than the fact he wants contact with you while he's awake and isn't interested in playing with toys on his own. DS1 would never entertain himself at that age, but once he started crawling he became more interested in play by himself.
Your baby is only 7 months, I think maybe a) you're expecting too much of him and b) you're comparing him to other people's babies - always a mistake.
However, all that aside, it may well be that you're just not that 'good' at the baby stage and that's nothing to be ashamed of (although I don't think shouting at a 7 month old baby who wants your attention would necessarily earn you a gold star).
You might need to just acknowledge that you're not that interested in this stage, but that doesn't mean that you wont' be captivated by his mobile stage or maybe it won't be until he's 4/5 years old that you find motherhood a bit more satisfying.
Not everyone loves the baby stage, but like everything with children it passes really quickly. However, if you're having concerns about your feelings about your son generally (rather than just boredom at how dull your days are) you might want to speak to your HV or GP about it, just incase its indicative of somethign else (beginnign of PND for example).
I hate agreeing wiht people but am with eletheomel on this could well be pnd , some people are nateral mums us others have to work at it it does get easyer though I found the less content they are as babies the more intelligent they are as they grow
Agree very much with Eletheomel's post. All babies are difficult, even easy ones. I am certainly not going to minimise how draining it can be with a lo who wants your attention constantly
particularly as I've just prised one off my leg and managed to get her down for a nap but equally you can remind yourself that things could be a lot harder, if you had a terrible sleeper or eater, for example. I've had both of those in ds1 and I try to remind myself of that when dd2 is doing her best impersonation of a limpet and screaming blue murder while I try to make suppers. This is a phase and it will pass. You're not alone in finding this stage perhaps not the most exciting of development stages, and hopefully you'll find it easier and more rewarding in a few months time when you start to get more back and he is starting to communicate with you more and interact with you. Maybe try to reorganise your day in the meantime and focus more on getting out and about rather than ending up in the position frequently where you are at home and having to try to entertain him. Mine had short attention spans at that age, so I used to rotate putting them in the little bouncy chair, followed by the play ring (no good for dd2 as she liked to dive out of it head first), then the play mat and the jumperoo. The jumperoo was a godsend with ds1 as he loved it and would happily bounce up and down and play with the toys around it for a good while, enabling me to have a cuppa and make encouraging noises from the sofa. Find ways of dealing with the crying at certain times, such as making up a bottle shortly before you think he'll wake up and want a feed. I have learned to do a lot one-handed, and my left arm probably has biceps to rival a man's, as that is my baby-carrying arm. Sometimes they just cry, and you have to cuddle and carry them. Don't think badly of your ds for being like that. Time passes quickly - it won't be long before you are waving him off to school and feeling a lump in your throat that he isn't your baby anymore, and never will be again. Try to enjoy each stage as much as you can.
Thank you everybody, I agree with all of you!
I should be so thankful I have a baby that sleeps and eats well, I know I should. That's what's makes me even sadder, I don't think I'm very good at this and not a natural at all.
I wish his crying was him wanting contact, I am a very affectionate person and would happily cuddle him all day, but he isn't that sort of baby. He is the one wriggling to get out of your arms, and whinging and wanting to be put down, escape from your arms. But I put him down, give him some toys 1 or 2 minutes later he cries, so I put him in his activity centre, and I change the toys on it often so it's new and exciting, try and go to the loo, or unload the dishwasher and he cries. So I come back in give him a cuddle and show him build up bricks he knocks them down a few times then cries, then his playmat he rolls over a few times, pulls on things, if I leave the room even with me talking or singing to him he cries.
It's sooo hard not to compare to other babies, it really is, when we meet up they put their little ones on the floor and they can actually sit back and drink their coffee when it's hot! Some babies are just harder work than others I know this is the case, but feel its harder for me to bond with him when he whinges so much.
I have thought about possible PND but I'm not sure, because some days I feel much stronger to cope, and my DH is very supportive and a great dad, but he even says there are some babies that are plonkers (ones that you can plonk on the floor that will entertain themselves for 5/10 minutes with toys etc) and ones that are not, and our LO definitely is not.
I looked after my friends 2 year old the other day with my LO too, as she had an appointment and I loved being able to reason and talk with her, yes she was exhausting too, but she could ask for a drink, a snack, play with the puzzle etc and I could give her what she wanted. Where as a screaming baby you are trying your absolute best for and it still isn't good enough is quite soul destroying. :-(
That does sound draining. Is he happier when you get out the house? My DS started getting very bored at home from about 4 months but if we went to a toddler group he'd be very content with older children to watch and new toys to play with.
Jumperoos are great! I have one now for my 6 month old DD and it's soooo useful. I wish I'd had it when DS was small
Yes I totally get that, and I do feel for you. It sounds like you're doing your best. Do try getting out and about more, perhaps, as the distraction of things for him to look at may help and enable you to feel you aren't just stuck at home listening to the whinging all day long. When mine were / are whingy I always feel better if I can break up the day with a trip out, even if it is just doing shopping and jobs. Mine had dummies too. I didn't immediately shove it into their mouths when they started to cry, but found them very useful to help them self-settle and calm down if the crying was heading towards meltdown. Can you take him to the park to ride on a swing, or to feed ducks? I have resorted to taking dd2 into a pet shop to show her the tropical fish! (Worked great, she was fascinated). Mine also love B&Q, particularly the lights department! I take them to Starbucks too along with some snacks for them to sit and eat and be distracted by. It won't be too long before he is crawling and into everything - believe me, he'll be able to occupy himself then! Try putting child locks on all the kitchen cupboards apart from one, and put some tupperware in there. mine were totally charmed by being able to get into one of the cupboards and get all the pots out! And please don't fall into the trap of comparing to other babies - that is always soul-destroying! Remind yourself that the angelic-looking baby who can sit and occupy himself happily with a toy at 7mo can easily morph into godzilla baby by 18mo and rampage through the house destroying all in its wake, or else refuse to eat, or potty train. There is always something! Your baby may be a whingy little man at this age but a completely chilled out happy little fellow as a toddler. All the best. x
The frustration and upset you feel is not unheard of. From his viewpoint he needs stimulation and variety too so you both might benefit from introducing him to a nursery or childminder a couple of days a week if you can afford it.
It's almost taboo to say, I find it all a drudge and some days I can barely look at DS. Maybe you are worried you are losing your identity and don't feel ready to be LO's mum. You are used to being self-reliant, independent. Spontaneity has vanished since you gave birth. It's all right to say you don't much like the job. It doesn't mean you don't love your child deep down.
You underwent huge hormonal shifts during and after the pregnancy. I would suggest you make an appointment with your GP. PND doesn't necessarily happen at once, it doesn't mean you just feel weepy or tired, it can be feeling perpetually angry or what's-the-point.
Fake it 'til you make it. It can get better as babies grow.
You don't mention if you're with his father. It can be tough parenting single-handed. Do you get out much? Any family members who live locally?
I got distracted typing so was slow to post and now read you have DH. I hope you can explain to him how you feel.
You can't help how you are. Do vent on here. Don't start feeling a failure and don't walk around carrying guilt.
10mo dd is currently in the clingy stage. I can't leave the room to make her breakfast without her crying. If you need to do the dishwasher for eg, would he be happy to dig in his highchair or playmat in the kitchen with you and watch or play while you get on?
OP, my DS was a bit like this but perhaps not as extreme. I found that as soon as he was able to crawl we were both much happier. Obviously then you have to keep them safe but he can go and get the toy he wants, will spend ages methodically emptying a drawer or a box of toys and in general can go where he wants when he wants instead of relying on me.
Meantime I can only suggest as much adult company as possible, getting out for walks / to the swings / feed the ducks and generally keeping both of you sane. I found the part where my DS was literally growling in frustration at me so so so hard. It does pass tho and things now seem so much better that he is 10 mo.
God no - that age is the worst stage. They are so frustrated by not being able to move about by themselves and it combines with a really clingy stage too, though it's worse around 12-14 months. They are also completely cuddle free zone around that age in my experience, and when they do want a cuddle they are unwell so that's not much consolation. I much prefer the older stages than the baby stage (though holding a newborn is lovely, better still when you can hand them back).
Other children are a great distraction, and lots of motion, outdoor walks etc. I used to plan my day to be out almost constantly with Dd1 or I would have gone crackers. A jumperoo is handy but only for 5-10 mins in my experience. Plan your day and meal plan so anything domestic gets done when he sleeps or when your DH is around
while you run around like a loon
Don't forget, it won't kill him to cry occasionally. The tupperware cupboard works a treat. Nothing more exciting than new toys that aren't toys. A friend put stickers inside her empty cupboard and her baby used to crawl in there, close the door behind him and sit in the dark.... weird!
How is he with music toys - drums etc? Is he happy to sit on the floor and bash some pots and pans? Nothing wrong with ear plugs at this stage..
HI my oldest is almost 11 and I have four with a youngest who is two, I also look after my friend's 1 year old. I think babies are really boring. I love kids who chat, I love my older kids because we have started playing board games, they have opinions etc. my two year old is frustrating but great company, if the hoover comes out he has to help, if I empty the dishwasher he has to help etc. It takes forever but it's nice being around him.
when dc1 was a baby I used to find the days pretty tedious when i was on maternity leave and used to feel like a G&T by about 4.30 - obv waited till 7 but it was a long old wait. However looking back I wish I'd just enjoyed it for what it was. When I had dc2 I loved my maternity because I had the toddler and 2 year olds are, as I said, fun if a little frustrating.
I have a few suggestions (apologise if you are already doing them but based on what I did):
- go on nice holidays with dh (week away to a house in wales type thing) so you can all enjoy cheaper term time hols while you can and you are in a different environment
- go to baby groups and your child can be entertained by other people and learn to play with and without other people - the learning bit takes a while
- I love swimming classes, really rewarding and stimulating for the baby so they don't demand so much afterwards.
I used to do one 'activity' a day then chill out after lunch. I also prefer it when they sleep for one long nap rather than two little ones as you can get more satisfactory things done. Don't feel bad, I think others are right to see if you have pnd and talk to a gp but as you don't mention groups etc if you aren't doing them already then get out and meet some people, they will be a useful network later.
Oh OP, I don't think you're the only one who feels like this at all. i'm still mystified by posters who write things like 'I wouldn't be without my LO' and 'life before them was like black and white and now it's in colour'. My son was pretty much as you describe at that age. He didn't start crawling til around 9 months, and from about 6-9 months he would just sit there grizzling a lot of the time, looking upset and frustrated. There seemed to be nothing I could do to make him happy.
Then he started to crawl and his mood improved loads. Unfortunately he's now 16 months and back to being a whinge machine. He's not yet walking, so I wonder if that's part of it (I bloody hope so!).
But, happily for me (and I feel like a monster mother typing this) I'm back at work full time and my partner is a stay at home dad who seems to cope much better than me with caring for a small child.
So, no advice. Only commiseration, and a trotting out of the old adage 'this too shall pass'. I'm sure it will get better (and worse, and better again...)
also to stop myself going mad I used to be strategic about my baby groups so I would treat it like a curriculum, 2 physical based, one musical, one crafty one and a swim or sometimes I'd have 4 regular ones: physical, musical, crafty, swim and free day for visiting or doing nothing. all the planning used to use up the bit of the mind that was wandering when I had to build yet another towerof bricks. then I loved all the holiday planning. most of the rest of the time I'd shop for my next house!! or listen to plays on radio 4 or do a really good jigsaw. It's quite nice i you think about it cos when they're asleep you've basically got no work and you can treat yourself.
The rest of your life you;ll be running around after the buggers like a bluearsed fly.
I think this all shows I can be a bit sad but you have to find the things that arent baby-related to do while you wait for the child to appear. Babies are just maggots really and we're like worker bees trying to get ready for the life they're about to have.
manechanger LOL. I will think of maggots when I'm next tearing my hair out.
I felt the same until quite recently with my DD (just turned 1). She was certainly never a "plonker" as your DH puts it (love that btw!) and didn't crawl until she was 10.5 months. Since then, things have been so much easier. She can get to things she wants or swap toys when she's bored or even just explore (supervised). Your DS might also be going through the seperation anxiety phase - that drove me spare when I couldn't even walk across the room away from her!
Things I found helped (won't suit everyone)
TV - she got 5-10 minutes of CBeebies while I was getting breakfast for her & me to stop the screaming
Walks - took her out in the buggy twice a day. Groups/classes few times a week, the park, library, town centre
Stagger activities - I kept some toys back for afternoon/end of day so there was something "new" to play with in the witching hours before bedtime. Reading is also good, kills 5-10 minutes here & there & good excuse to go to library. Sometimes a change of scenery helps so play in a different room for a bit.
Delaying tactics - I dragged out mealtimes/bathtimes as long as possible. If she got caught up playing during a nappy change I'd let her carry on as long as she wanted.
Music - kids stuff for her, again just variety of activity. And your stuff, as I hated the silence in the house during the day. Spotify has been my saviour and she gets a massive variety of music to listen to.
I promise it does get easier month by month and you're mostly done with the boring bit now!
Thank you all so much, just reading these brought tears to my eyes. Because mainly it shows I'm not alone and not terrible for feeling this way. I think also sometimes you feel it's worse than it is.
I agree that I think its frustration as you can see he wants something thats over there and can't get to it, and me handing him it is so short term as he wants the next thing etc. can't wait for him to crawl, walk, talk etc! Shouldn't wish it away I know.
Yep have a DH and he is good but also says he doesn't envy my job, and also have a mum thats helpful sometimes, quick to point out the erm 'right way' I should be doing things, eg I should be putting rusk in his bottle at 3 months, weaning at 4 months, ignoring about salt not being good for them, using Towelling nappies, not using wipes, having a forward facing car seat, having a better pram etc etc so it can get me down being told I'm not doing it right, but she does love him and will help. And she also agrees he is hard work but it's because she thinks he is a bright boy and gets frustrated and bored very quickly, which is nice.
I try and get out and go swimming once a week and see friends with babies at least once, see mum once, but you are right the days at home are the ones where he is the most grizzly, and gets bored. Think I am going to make sure I get out every day now. I think I will be a much better mum when I can talk to him, can't wait for colouring, baking, gardening etc I just can't make him happy for long enough at the moment.
I think I would struggle to talk to my DH about PND as he thinks I'm so strong, if I did mention it to my HV what would they do? Does anyone have any experience with this? Would they refer me to a counsellor or something as that would mean needing childcare while I'm there and telling my family, and I'm really not ready for that. :-(
Maternity leave drove me bonkers, the lack of adult contact nearly finished me off, having gone from working 6 days a week in a busy boarding school, so being with other people all the time to just being with a baby, was tough going! I was diagnosed with PND and anxiety when he was 10mo, and was put on sertraline. He refused to nap during the day and was an erratic sleeper at night and I really struggled.
However, things that have helped include:
Getting out of the house every day, at least once, often twice. So Tesco in the morning, park in the afternoon. I didn't get on with baby groups tbh, so tried to meet up with friends as often as i could.
Jumperoo was a saviour.
Use television sparingly, so that it maintains its full hypnotic effect ;-)
It does get easier, DS is 21mo now, and although he is a bundle of stubbornness and determination, he is starting to talk and it's brilliant!
I'd second, or third, getting out of the house at least once a day, even if it's raining.
I also had certain toys that DD only had at certain times, like a basket of odd items that she had while changing her nappy, she didn't have long enough to get bored of them and they usually kept her distracted long enough to get the nappy changed.
DD's 'magic' item for instant happiness was a vibrating baby chair - used in short doses.
The first thing they would do is just talk to you, get you to answer a questionnaire, and decide if you might have PND. If you do, you might benefit from an antidepressant to help get you over it more quickly. Or possibly cognitive behavioural therapy - that would pose a problem for you with regard seeing a counsellor for the sessions, but in mild cases of depression or anxiety you can do CBT online. Our practice (I'm a GP) has a mums and babies group specifically for mums who have PND or are struggling in one way or another. It is just like a normal mums and babies group which you take your lo along to and plenty of toys etc, and the obligatory tea / coffee / biscuits, but with the HV running it and more support provided. It's definitely worth chatting to your HV. When you're feeling a bit blue and flat it makes a big difference to not isolate yourself and to ask people for support. You might find that just a sympathetic HV popping in from time to time for a chat and a cuppa is enough to help you feel better.
Ps I like the maggot analogy above, too!
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