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Am I failing?

(16 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Mon 27-Jan-14 06:35:18

I'm 40+1 with dc3 today. Have two beautiful little girls (3.3m & 20m)

They haven't been sleeping well. And I certainly haven't. Multiple wakings plus waking at 5/6. And noticeable recent behaviour has changed. Usually so happy.( probably from sensing my hormones and snappiness)

Then I have mummy guilt for feeling this way. I look at their dear little faces and wonder why I keep crying. I keep having a go at my partner, which isn't fair. I just feel like I'm a failure. Most days I'm my happy self. But it's this past week, and it hits me every time it all gets too much that I feel so low. And guilt follows. hmm

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 27-Jan-14 06:51:29

Oh little 40plus1 must be so hard then you've got a lot else going on. No wonder you are feeling low. Could you DP do some of the night wakings or get up early and take the DC downstairs while you have a lie in?

What are you upto today? Sounds like you need a quiet day.

littleraysofsunshine Mon 27-Jan-14 19:29:43

Did nursery run, then midwife appointment and sweep! I just feel very snappy, sad and just hate myself for it

attheendoftheday Mon 27-Jan-14 19:34:31

You're exhausted, I bet. Be kind to yourself. You aren't failing.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 27-Jan-14 21:16:30

Agree, you aren't failing at all. Hope you get an early night.

littleraysofsunshine Wed 05-Feb-14 20:28:09

Had my baby last Wednesday. Been a lovely week up until the last five minutes. Both dds weren't giving into bed time. Dd2 just uncontrollably screamed and refused more. I took her upstairs to try settle and that made it worse. I then picked her up a bit fast, out her in her cot and as I did that she slightly bumped her head. I feel like a complete shit mum. I don't understand why my patience isn't there a some times. I have never reacted like this. I keep feeling myself be a shouty mum, nagging mum and just hate myself for it on the bad days.

I've just stormed out the house and left them with dp. Currently sat in a car park crying my eyes out feeling awful.

I will never and have never hit my children. Ever. I usually live life with a gentle parenting approach. But i just handled her the complete wrong way to which I usually do.

I just feel the last month or so I have changed. Hormones? I don't think it's Pnd. I just feel like this sometimes when I'm tired, or stressed or well I've just given birth.


HelenHen Wed 05-Feb-14 21:02:01

Of course it's hormones! Wow, you've been through so much and have so much to handle, there's absolutely nothing unreasonable about leaving dp to handle things! Is it just the two of you or is there other support? Can you possibly arrange some hours away? In a few weeks the hormones will calm down and a routine will somehow begin! Until then, embrace the insanity and use dp as much as you can! Update the hv!

Dentistmummy Wed 05-Feb-14 22:06:28

Wow! You only had a baby 7 days ago, you're doing brilliantly! You even said yourself you've had a good week. Deep breaths and remember 20 month olds are very trying, you're (likely) very tired, and you are a mass of hormones. We've all banged our children one way or another, so don't beat yourself up!
It will get easier, you are currently at the hardest stage (my DD is 4 months and today has been so easy I've had hours playing with DS (aged 3) today), just keep surviving every day xxx

littleraysofsunshine Thu 06-Feb-14 07:38:26

The worst feeling is when I feel like a Monster. In hind sight it's minimal, but in the moment I feel awful then think why aren't you relaxed anymore????

Hormones play havoc don't they. I just find myself snapping instead of guiding, shouting instead of talking, talking snotty rather than happy or chilled. It's not me and I hate myself for it.

Dp is back tomorrow.. So I have a nursery school run to try on my own lol

HelenHen Thu 06-Feb-14 21:38:46

Seriously, hormones are ridiculous and made me hate myself at Times but they cannot be controlled! Strangely sometimes things get easier when dp goes back to work lol, I hope that's the case!

You're not a monster... You will be just fine!!!

littleraysofsunshine Thu 20-Feb-14 10:03:22

It's up and down all the time. Mega hormone melt down today. I feel like the worst mum ever. All I've done is shout and cried this morning.

My girls just don't want to ever listen to me until I shout. Then it's made matters worse for everyone and I hate myself for it. I hate that they look at me with concern when I shout. I don't want them to feel bad when I shout or cry. No small kid should feel that way. But I just can't handle days like today. 3yo, 1yo and 3wo ..

The two girls seem to have changed since two weeks before brother was born. Big change of temperaments. Don't play nicely. Cry and moan a lot. Don't sleep well Just a change of behaviours. I am literally feeling like a failure in all kinds. I can't remember when I wasn't so up and down. I am usually a relaxed parent. Happy. Fun. Where has it all gone? hmmhmmhmmhmm

RebeccaJames Thu 20-Feb-14 13:07:59

little, the very fact that you can describe your first week with a new baby as "lovy" when you have two other small children tells me you are doing amazingly!

Fact is, as a mum it is easy to dwell on what you think you have done wrong/badly, and tune out as if unimportant all the good stuff we do. We lose who we are in a vortex of chores and it is really, really hard.

I just wanted to wish you luck and I hope you get back in an even keel. Get time out when you can - it's sanity-saving!

littleraysofsunshine Mon 24-Feb-14 14:10:29

Another day of ..down ..up ..down emotions. Finding it difficult giving each child their individual needs some days. Which... Makes me feel like a crap mum!

TheBakeryQueen Wed 26-Feb-14 10:14:10

This could be post natal depression. Please tell your health visitor how you feel.

You have a lot on your plate, 3 children so close together is a lot of hard work. You're still exhausted from the birth, sleep deprived. You really need more support.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.

How much are you trying to do? Do you have high standards?

At one point, I was a single parent to a 4yr old, 2yr old & newborn. Your gaps sound even harder! I had to really drop the standards, take care of the basics. So, we were all fed, washed, clean clothes & time enjoying the children. Those are the priorities.

littleraysofsunshine Wed 26-Feb-14 12:50:29

I do tend to set myself too many things to do. And feel disappointed of it's not done.

I think baby blues are present, it's not unhappy being a mum. I just feel disappointed in myself some days (funnily enough when I've had no sleep, or kids had no sleep resulting in bad behaviour)

I try to do everything and end up getting nothing done! People pleasing. And end up feeling guilty towards myself or others if I fail

TheBakeryQueen Wed 26-Feb-14 14:08:14

It sounds like you are piling pressure on yourself.

You really need to be kinder to yourself. Aim to get the very basics done & nothing else, if there is any opportunity for a rest then take it.

Can you ask for help from friends/family to babysit the older ones to give you a break?

The older ones are bound to misbehave a little right now, it's a huge change for them having a new sibling. Being so tired makes everything much harder to cope with.

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