How do you get "NO" across to an 18mo?(22 Posts)
DS is into everything and I am comfortable with most of his adventures but how do you avoid the dangerous situations? This morning he was pulling the tv and it could easily have fallen on him. DH told him "No" but he did not respond. DH then said it louder and firmer and still no response. Then he yelled it very loudly and angrily too. DS was inconsolably upset and i did not think it was handled very well. I suggested distracting DS with something else or removing him from the situation but DH argued (and he has a point) that DS won't learn it's wrong to pull on the tv and if we are out of the room could do it again. How do you manage these instances effectively?
Keep saying it for the next 18 years... I think they get it eventually, although my eight and five year old seem to think it's just a funny noise I make to be ignored.
I have an 18 month old ds ... We use a combination of the two tactics - say no firmly but calmly and remove him from whatever situation it is at the same time.
He is a total rascal so we don't leave him alone to be honest. We have a big mesh playpen we put him in briefly if we need to go for a wee or quickly go upstairs and other than that we watch him like a hawk!
Good question. My 18 month old has been driving me insane today.
DS is 2.1 and looks at me as he does something naughty, daring me to say no, with a naughty smile on his face. I'll say no and explain why, in a few words ("no, don't pull the tv, pupa pupa" - Spanish for 'booboo'). If he's about to do something dangerous/break something, I'll say a very loud, stern 'no' and he recognises the tone of my voice to mean, 'don't shit with mum on this'. Never tears.
I think the key is to hold their hands and look at them sternly and say no in a firm voice. Just calling out from across the room won't work.
At that age, anywhere that DS was left alone was completely baby proofed. Anywhere that was not baby-proofed, he was not left. They have absolutely no "impulse control" at that age. I am afraid that you cannot expect them to "learn" (they may stop doing something, but then forget 10 minutes later).
What type of TV do you have? We have a 44" (I think) flat screen on a cabinet. We bought a "tether" that tethers the TV to the cabinet so that it can't be pulled forward. We had an elaborate combination of playpen/gates as well. Socket covers.
As DS got older, things have been a lot more relaxed.
I have the same problem with 16 mo DS who has started biting and pinching. Which I say NO sternly he laughs and repeats "no" back at me then does it again. It makes me want to cry. It's worst at bedtime. Not sure how to deal with it either..
Different words? "Stop" or "careful", or even "A Ah Ah" seem to have more impact in my house. "No" has no response from dd, whereas "stop!" does.
You do it by repeating it non stop for the next few years and even then it only works 50% of the time.
18mth old DC just don't understand no and it's useless to expect them to obey you. It doesn't mean you shouldn't stop them pulling the TV on top of themselves.
In a situation like that, you remove the child from the situation while explaining that it's dangerous. Don't expect him to understand for a while yet, but keep saying it.
And don't leave alone in a room for a bit. A playpen is very handy at this age.
I think a very firm no in a loud but not shouting voice is needed they need to learn to fear danger if they don't fear the consequences they will not take no seriously. DS fully understood no at 18 months he knows what he can and can't do i took away all my baby proofing with the exception of a safety gate on the kitchen when he was around 18mo. He is nearly 2 now and won't go near anything hot knows what he can't climb on and not to pull things down. IMO it's because when he done these things I scared him a little with my reaction to danger I didn't skirt around it
I think it really varies from child to child. DS definitely knew the meaning of "no" before 12 months, but I wouldn't have trusted him not to act on his impulses whilst I was not around. Some children are definitely bigger boundary pushers than others.
littlelionman DS is the same. He really bullies us and his siblings and thinks it's funny to be told no. He even looks at us while doing it with a huge grin, just begging to be told no. We remove him from thecsituation/away from whoever he is gnawing on and sit him in the centre of the floor with a low firm no. It works sometimes.
He is also worse when tired. Your not alone!
My 17 month old ds is the same, I say no to him but he just looks at me and laughs. I can't take my eyes of him for a second.
Ds2 is 20 months. Has recently started hair pulling, grabbing, hitting and trying to snap glasses. He keeps going in food cupboards too. If I say no he starts singing row row the boat with a look on his face as if to say " you're mistaken mummy I was actually just singing not being naughty"
We said no once, if no response we said it again and then if still no response we said no and moved DS away from whatever mischief he was up to. All in calm but firm voice.
I hate to say this, but it's not your superior parenting. It's your child's nature.
DD wasn't as inquisitive and destructive as DS. Until he came along, we thought we had this parenting lark sussed.
Some kids take longer till they learn impulse control.
Hi, I think removing them from situation immediately is v important. Take them away from the fun / attraction etc and then tell them it's dangerous and ask them to give some acknowledgement (a kiss / hug / nod) before carrying on normal behaviour.
However, I hope you don't mind my saying this, but if you have a child who is a bit difficult you need to look at his surroundings more closely before you think about him following instructions. There is absolutely no way any toddler should be around a tv that is not secured, supervised or not. It's not worth taking that risk, almost all stands have bolt holes in back for this purpose or else you can get furniture straps (see below).
Whilst no one is able to foresee everything please take a look around his surroundings again, I too have learned the hard way (fortunately no accident but enough to shock me into realisation) and agree that whilst you want your toddler to listen to "no", he is still a child and unable to see the same risks as you. They are not worth taking.
Websites like http://www.babysecurity.co.uk/safety-products/anti-tip-safety-straps.html have products you can browse and often have room by room checklists that are worth a read as well. Good luck! xxx
When you find out OP, let me know! DD is 17 months and keeps hitting me in the face. If I say no, she laughs, like it's a great joke. Just doesn't get it. I've been putting her down on the floor and saying no every time she does it, but it's not worked so far. Bloody toddlers.
MmeLindor OP wanted to know how people manage things these things effectively I described how I manage them and how they are effective, it has worked for both kids. It's not superior parenting it's how I do it and it's worked twice simple as that.
You need to take responsibility here for his safety - you cannot expect an 18 month old to understand that pulling the tv on them can seriously injure them. At best he will know that pulling it results in a "no".
You have to keep a close eye on him and baby proof. We've fixed ours to the wall and removed anything like bookshelves to another room which we gated off.
My two are 4&2 and when they were 18 months, I distracted, kept a close eye and had a few rooms baby proofed so I knew that dangers were minimised. Obviously cannot prevent everything but at least I knew I did my best.
Only now can I reason with my 4 year old!
18 mont olds are hard wired to learn and investigate so will keep doing stuff over and over despite the "no".
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