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How do you organise night duty?

(62 Posts)
IndecisivePramBuyer81 Thu 19-Dec-13 07:23:20

I'm still on mat leave and DH works full time so we agreed I'd take night duty Sunday-Thursday, he does Friday and lets me have a lie in the following morning and we alternate/barter over Saturday. We're both up by 7 on work days.

Recently we've been sleeping training DS so in the interest of consistency I've been taking all the nights. DH sleeps on the sofa so he's disturbed as little as possible.

I've just got up with DS after a particularly bad night, and DH has to cover the late so doesn't have to be in until later and he's gone back to bed for an hour leaving me with DS.

Is that fair? I can't help but feel he should've let me have that hour. Or am I being selfish? He freely admits work is easier than looking after DS!
Am thinking I need to suggest a rearrangement of duties in the New Year!

TheGreatHunt Thu 19-Dec-13 07:27:27

We don't have set days for nights because it just leads to resentment if it ever gets out of sync.

So I do them mostly then DH might takeover when I'm exhausted then we swap etc. so it's all quite fluid.

chocolatesolveseverything Thu 19-Dec-13 08:24:25

I do all the nights - dh hasn't slept in the same room as ds since the night we brought him home from hospital! (But I'm breastfeeding so there's only a limited amount he could do anyway. )

hazchem Thu 19-Dec-13 08:29:24

We don't have set days or nights. Who ever is either least tired or is feeling most generous does it. So if I know OH has had a really long day I'll get up in the night.
We haven't sleep trained. DS was breastfeed and cosleept til 2. We moved him into his own room and bed a little after his second birthday and started night weaning after that.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Thu 19-Dec-13 08:30:53

When I was on Mat Leave, we did the same as you. Id do Sun-Thur and he would do Fri and Sat. On those nights, the moses baslet would go on his side of the bed and Id wear earplugs. He could still wake me if he needed, but that way, I could block.out the snuffling and the burping etc. I would get up early Sat and Sun and he would lay in (til about nine)

Now we are both back at work, we take turns on the Sat and Sun lie in/wakings, thpugh dd rarepy wakes. The early waker gets the nap, if an opportunity arises grin

Your dh was BU to to bed this morning.

Sunnysummer Thu 19-Dec-13 08:40:48

How old is your DS, and is he ebf? That also makes a big difference.

At 9 months I've done every night since DS was born.

It isn't all great, as DS still wakes every hour or 2 due to breathing issues, but in the early days feeding made it necessary anyway, and DH struggles with the wakings and has a job where sleeplessness can be dangerous. Instead DH now wakes up an hour and a half earlier, so I get a lie in while he plays a bit with DS and does breakfast and gets ready.

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Thu 19-Dec-13 08:51:23

What's BU?

No, he's formula fed but rarely needs milk in the night anymore. We're doing gradual retreat so it means sitting with him for some time, but there's a comfy nursing chair!

He's up now and we've agreed to take it in turns over xmas smile

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Thu 19-Dec-13 08:55:43

BU = being unreasonable

superzero Thu 19-Dec-13 08:59:46

When I was on mat leave,I did all the night stuff.I bf until 7m with all 3 though so that was hard to delegate,and they mainly stopped waking up after 8m but it was still me who got up,I did not have the pressure of work the next day.
I was back at work after 8m with my first and he mostly slept through but it was still me who got up if necessary.I only work part-time though so I'd have less to lose if sleep-deprived,and also found it easier to get back to sleep than DS.
I'm still on mat leave with a 9m old and get the odd lie-in at weekends,that's it!

Jollyb Thu 19-Dec-13 09:12:24

I do all the nights as am breast feeding. We normally take turns at the weekend to have a lie in - til 8am!!

Sakathu Thu 19-Dec-13 11:52:41

I do until 5am-ish with DH sleeping in the spare room, then DH takes over. Recently 22 week old DD has been keeping me awake, but been asleep herself, so she'll be going in to the spare room soon if I don't miss her too much It'll be nice to have DH back in our bed though.

purplemurple1 Thu 19-Dec-13 13:31:44

I do 6 nights OH the other (normally a weekend), also on the days he works from home (which is a couple of tmes a week) he offers to do the 5am feed so I can go back to bed (sometimes I do but mostly not), OH also does at least a couple of the bedtimes a week (more if I'm tired/stressed).

OH is working 6 to 7 days a week, I'm working 2 days a week, DS is 4 months.

brettgirl2 Thu 19-Dec-13 15:19:19

I convinced a sleep deprived dh that he should do the first wakeup and me the second. Genius, had a lovely nights sleep after the first couple of months. Fairness pah, when they have to go through pregnancy I will worry about that.

domoarigato Thu 19-Dec-13 16:36:10

Indecisive......We do exactly that! Exactly! With regard to you question about the hour sleep he had, I probably would have let my hubby have it. I've been off a year and the longer I'm off the more I tend to forget about the hellish commute!

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Thu 19-Dec-13 17:13:43

He doesn't even have a commute, it's a fifteen minute drive! I like the pregnancy point wink

He seems to be forgetting that when I put forward my night shift plan he was pleasantly surprised and we agreed to continue as long as I felt ok with it. .perhaps should have put something in writing lol!

I honestly don't know how you bfing ladies do it. I've lost count of tnr number of sleep deprivation related breakdowns in the past 6 mths and that was with the assistance from DH!! thanks wine for you all!

C0smos Thu 19-Dec-13 17:17:13

I'm on maternity leave, I do all the nights 7 days a week. Doesn't bother as I don't have to go to work so it doesn't matter if my brain is fuzzy. At weekends we are both up by 7 with older DS so my DH is pulling his weight and not slobbing about. P

Mrswellyboot Thu 19-Dec-13 18:52:25

I am on maternity leave, dh sterilises bottles and does the last feed. Then he does the feeds thurs, fri, sat night.

When I was bf obv I did all.

DeathMetalMum Thu 19-Dec-13 20:32:56

Baby and toddler who still sometimes wakes/gets up at the crack of dawn. We don't have anything set in stone dp works long 12 hour shifts 3x a week starting at 6 leaving by 5 so I do those nights and then whoever does the rest. It usually works that one gets up more for a week then the other. I am up bf dd2 1-3 times a night but mostly used to the broken sleep now.

I think once the dc are sleeping through reliably we will then delagate a system of night duty.

Eletheomel Fri 20-Dec-13 12:21:16

I bfeed so DH can't do that at night, but our arrangement (if you can call it that) is that I do all nightfeeds but he does winding and putting baby back in the cot afterwards (although sometimes we're both lazy and just leave him in the bed with us...).

DH also has responsibility for our 4 year old (who often wakes during the night having wet himself and/or needs a pooh about 5am!).

I think as long as you get a plan you're both happy with, the specifics don't really matter as everyone's home life will differ.

I couldn't stand being the only one awake at night (I'd get very resentful!) and DH likes being hands on so is happy to get involved (he also agrees that childcare is much harder than being at work :-)

Eletheomel Fri 20-Dec-13 12:23:27

Oh, just to add I'm still on mattie leave (DS2 is 6 months) and DH works full time.

Showy Fri 20-Dec-13 12:34:17

I breastfeed and co-sleep so night wakings are down to me until they turn 2 at which point I have started night weaning each time and dh steps in to do some settling. DS doesn't settle for him though so it's easier if I do it. If our older dc (6) wakes up, that's his job but that's a very rare occurrence.

mumofboyo Fri 20-Dec-13 12:40:41

We ff both our dc. When they were babies and still woke in the night we both got up with them: one got the bottle and the other soothed and settled until it was ready. Then one of us put the baby back to bed.
He works f/t and drives there; I was on mat leave at the time.
Now we tend to take it in turns if one or both dc wake - this doesn't normally happen but dd sometimes needs laying back down and covering over and occasionally ds has nightmares.

waterrat Fri 20-Dec-13 15:51:50

maybe I'm a mean person! dp does just as much night waking as me even when he was working and I was on maternity leave. he would do settling or calming in the night, nappy changes - and when trying to reduce night feeds he did lots of sitting and stroking/ singing !

looking after a baby all day is more tiring than working in an office. fact.

I work part time now and my son still wakes at night - i find it less tiring when I am at work the next day than when I am with him.

ContentedSidewinder Fri 20-Dec-13 17:02:54

We had a time rule, before 2am was me, after 2am was Dh for the simple reason that if I got up after that time, I would lie awake for hours, but Dh on the other hand can fall asleep at any given opportunity.

We were always in bed and sleeping for 10pm though so it meant that we would each get a good amount to sleep per night. This was with ds2 as ds1 pretty much slept through from 11pm from an early age. As I had ds1 there was no chance of catching up on sleep in the day.

He works full time, I have been a SAHM for years so no plan to return to work.

Melonbreath Fri 20-Dec-13 17:18:45

Blimey. In over a year I have done all the night shifts and mornings. Oh is getting an earful when he gets home. I want more sleep!

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