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If you have 3 dc's or more, what is your personality?!

(24 Posts)
mummyxtwo Mon 09-Dec-13 12:07:18

We have 2 dc's, contemplating another. Sometimes I am all for it, sometimes (like after a spell of hand foot and mouth, bronchiolitis and a vomiting bug) I think NO! Dh would love another. One of my fears is that I am too stressy and impatient a person to cope with 3. There are times when I find 2 of them almost too much to cope with, although I adore them and most of the time I do okay. Am not the perfect mum and occasionally shout and get impatient. I was wondering, are all you mums of 3 or more naturally more laid-back chilled sorts of people?! Or are some of you still on the stressy side, like me, and how do you cope?! Many thanks for answering.

GideonKipper Mon 09-Dec-13 12:12:28

I am a bit stressy and I'm sorry to say that having three has made me worse. I'm a bit of a control freak now and I feel constantly hassled when they're all demanding attention, nothing seems to get done properly.

I do think you have to be a magical combination of laid-back and organised to sail through having more than two children.

bundaberg Mon 09-Dec-13 12:12:32

i am totally stressy and about to have number 4!

GideonKipper Mon 09-Dec-13 12:13:57

And the potential for bickering seems to multiply by 100 with three which also sets my teeth on edge.

ilovesmurfs Mon 09-Dec-13 12:14:27

I have five, I think I am fairly laid back, always an optimist. I do have my stressy moments tho, all parents do I think.

Having five kids is fine, its the housework that is a pita!

SirChenjin Mon 09-Dec-13 12:16:50

I am fairly stressy and impatient usually - our DS1 was our little surprise after a gap of 10 and 8 years (the older 2 are 16 and 14 now), and I have to say I am completely besotted with the wee chap so don't find myself nearly as impatient with him. Perhaps having him later has helped too, I definitely stress less now. We are pretty skint with 3 - we manage, but there isn't a lot left for luxuries - but I would change things for the world. I absolutely adore him (I adore the others too, but he's fab smile)

Ubik1 Mon 09-Dec-13 12:17:16

The noise, the noise

The house is a mess

There is always washing to be done

My house is full of random junk, stones, precious pieces of paper, shells, broken jewellery

I'm probably not as nice as I used to be

SirChenjin Mon 09-Dec-13 12:17:42

DS2, not 1 <forgets order of her own children and how many she has>

Kyrptonite Mon 09-Dec-13 12:19:42

Very stressy unless 1 or 2 on 1. We have DSD EOW and then there's 4 of the maniacs adorable cherubs.

I shouldn't be stressy. I work with children and I'm not like it there but at home every issue seems magnified. Not helped by the chaos the house is in at present.

UriGeller Mon 09-Dec-13 12:22:04

I have 4. I'm very chilled and I don't get stressed. I see a lot of people who have big families however who are stressheads. I think they thrive on it.

CoffeeQueen187 Mon 09-Dec-13 12:24:29

I have 3 and I'm a single parent

All boys! Lots of noise, lots of mess, lots of 'play fighting', lots of random sticks stones and bits of crap everywhere, lots of muddy footprints and sticky hands, the list goes on...

I am a very stressy person confused

However, I tend to walk away if I'm getting stressed out and give myself 5 mins to cool down before trying to tackle it all again.

DS1 had SEN aswell and is constantly trying to jump out of windows, dive in a red hot bath, stick his head in the oven etc etc which makes me even more stressy. He has no sense of danger whatsoever.

Sometimes I feel like sitting him on the sofa in the front room and telling him to stay there and not to move for 10 mins, just so I can relax for 10 mins. That's wishful thinking though grin he would definately NOT sit still for 10 mins

Although, after saying all that, they are lots of fun, very loving and I wouldn't change a thing smile

standsonshiftingsands Mon 09-Dec-13 12:28:27

I have 3 of my own plus a niece staying with us for a year. Both of us work full time.

It is a bit mad, but I'm not a super keen housework kind of person, so that kind of slips, though sometimes I throw the odd wobbler and shout and say I'm the only one who does anything.

I do find it a bit much at times but I think that has more to do with work than the actual number of kids. It is VERY tough when they are young - I had 3 under 5, but now they are older, despite the constant rowing, I don't think it's any harder than having two. Mind you Christmas is bloody expensive.

Ubik1 Mon 09-Dec-13 12:30:46

I have sat each child on their bed, told them not to move off bed and shut bedroom doors just for 10 minutes peace

NorthernLebkuchen Mon 09-Dec-13 12:32:03

I'm not ever so 'stressy' but I do shout. I would shout whether i had one dc or three I think. Three is noisy and expensive and totally bloody wonderful. I have a biggish gap - 9 years between dd1 and dd3 and 6 years between dd2 and dd3. I love still having a little girl as well as my big girls. Go for it Op smile

BadRoly Mon 09-Dec-13 12:32:18

I have 4. I think I am either very laid back or very anxious with not much inbetween.

If everything is running smoothly then I am very relaxed but if something happens to mess up the well oiled machine, I find it really difficult to deal with internally - I am that swan gliding on the surface but paddling frantically underneath grin

An example is this Weds. Dh works away Mon-Thurs and we have no family locally. So normally I am at college on Weds, older 2 have clubs after school and get in just before me, younger 2 are at childcare. Older 2 both have clubs at 6 so I throw food at them, collect small 2 and drop off big 2. Throw food at small 2 then collect big2. Sounds a bit frantic but it works and we all know the plan.

So this Weds dc1-3 have a Scout Group Christmas party altogether which should make life easier. Except now dc1 has a concert at school but still hasn't found out the times! So I am working myself up wondering how to do the whole time travel thing to be in 2 places at once etc. This stupidly makes me really anxious but nobody (except dh and my Mum) would probably realise this!

EntWife Mon 09-Dec-13 22:35:39

I have 3. dd1 is 3.5, dd2 is 18 months and ds1 (our little suprise) is 14 weeks old.

I am a fairly patient person. I don't tend to shout and scream but some days I want to shove my face into a pillow and scream until I can't anymore. It's the frustration of never being able to get anything done, of trying to balance three sets of needs without anyone missing out (except me of course). I hate having to run errands with all three of them. I have a double buggy which is great and dd1 walks but even the simplest of outtings is an military expedition. I seem to require my own supply train to go anywhere. ds1 is on 3 hourly feeds at the moment so I feel like all I do is feed him. Of course while I am feeding him the girls seen to know that I can't supervise them to the same extent and I am worried that we will be seen as "that" family at playgroup/softplay etc.

That said, the girls are getting to an age where they can play together and when they do it is lovely. They both adore their brother and can't wait til he can join in their games too. He clearly adores them too and lights up when they are around. I think in the future when they are all a little bit older it is going to be great.

Until then I will dream of the day my shower and dressing time is not limited to one episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates & a turn of ds1 cot mobile.

I think if our age gaps were bigger it would be a completely different ball game.

BoffinMum Mon 09-Dec-13 22:40:15

I have four and do the benign neglect thing quite a bit.

mummyxtwo Tue 10-Dec-13 11:19:19

Thanks everyone for your comments! Really interesting reading smile

thegirliesmam Tue 10-Dec-13 23:41:55

Dd1 is 3 in feb. Dd2 is 2 in march. Dd3 is 1 in feb (2days before dd1!) You can be military about it, but if that's not how you want to parent or how your personality is then you will make yourself miserable. Or you resign yourself to mess and chaos and no time to wash your hair. I am the messy mother. I accept the gorilla (as my mother used to call it, when I and my 3 sisters were young) that comes in and undoes the tidy house when you sleep (because what you thought was tidy when they went to bed was actually just less mess).

At the end of the day, they fulfill your life and are your greatest achievement, who give you amazing memories while making mess and noise. If you AND dh feel able to do 3, without compromising your health and happiness (it is tough and although dc wont make you miserable the concept of repetitive days and neverending to do's, can be hard) then why not!

But he needs to accept mess, noise, days when he comes in and you have tidied but it looks like youve not moved, tiredness, not wanting to talk to a human for atleast an hour because youve not been alone all day smile mine doesnt and drives me to the brink! If he is not understanding and thinks its just another bum to change and mouth to feed then you wont have the right support (emotionally more than anything).

But they are your children and you love them no.matter how many there are or how mad they drive you and we are amazing people us mums and we cope with things we thought we couldnt. They are never affordable and never come at thr right time but no matter how hard we wouldn't send them back smile

Igloofornow Tue 10-Dec-13 23:55:52

I am laidback, PND after DC3 challenged this but recently I feel I'm getting back to 'me'. At the end of the day though I don't want anyone touching me, I always have someone touching me and talking to me, come bedtime I just want to be own my own! Mine are all under 5 though I imagine they ease up on the touching as they get older.

MatildaWhispers Wed 11-Dec-13 00:04:29

I have 3 and can be a bit of a stresshead. I do find dividing my attention across all 3 quite challenging, and I often cannot wait to get them into bed so I can get some headspace. I am also someone who likes things reasonably organised, so I am not great with the levels of general mess and untidiness that 3 create. Other people tell me I appear very laid back, but that isn't really the case, I just seem to somehow come across that way. My youngest has recently had her second birthday though, and it feels like things are logistically getting easier now, which is definitely meaning I stress less.

ZingChoirsOfAngels Wed 11-Dec-13 00:08:23

chilled? ha!

only when I get fed up.

(#7 is due in July)

Philoslothy Wed 11-Dec-13 01:46:02

I am expecting number five.

By MN standards I am laid back, however I have a reputation for being very competitive and always on the go. I actually think I am quite lazy, but I must hide it well . I am quite patient, but not overly so.

Weegiemum Wed 11-Dec-13 01:56:40

I have 3 (no3 wasn't planned).

They're 13+10, 11+10, 10+1.

My personality is complex. I'm delighted with my 3, wouldn't have it any other way, but 3 under 4 then 3 under 5 (dd1 started school at 5+6 - we're in Scotland) was very hard going as I had bad pnd.

I've since been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. IMO it's a very good diagnosis, explains all my issues. The one thing it doesn't do is make me a bad mum. I'm flipping brilliant. I see my clinical psychologist. I no longer have anti-depressants. I do take a neuro painkiller (I have had for 2 years a neuro disorder that needs treatment.)

But imma good mum. As you are!!

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