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Did you want 3 but settled on 2? Or did you want 2 but decide to have 3?

(37 Posts)
shakespeare Wed 13-Nov-13 01:15:23

Did anything in particular make you change your plans/minds? I've got two lovely dc (dd 4.5, ds 14 months), and goddamit, I think I'm feeling the urge to have no. 3! Totally taken me by surprise as I was never really that keen on having children in the first place.

We probably won't have another (far too many reasons why to list) and I don't think I live to regret it or anything, but I'm just curious how and why other peoples plans have changed when it came to having a certain number of children.

headoverheels Wed 13-Nov-13 19:56:23

I always wanted 2 (me and DH each have one sibling) but ended up having 3. I loved being a mum more than I expected. If DH had agreed I might have even gone for 4!

abigboydidit Wed 13-Nov-13 21:31:30

We always wanted 3 but the reality of 2 has made us think we may stop there. That and my prolapse..confused

plipplops Thu 14-Nov-13 09:25:53

Always thought we would have 3 or 4. When number 2 was born I decided that was enough. Now DH would quite like a third but I just can't handle the thought of another baby, not to mention all the practical problems of getting around/going on holiday/feeding a third child. Also I'm one of 3 and I think my big sister always felt a bit left out and I'd be really worried about that.

cq Thu 14-Nov-13 09:32:14

A haunting quote has stuck with me forever 'No-one ever regrets having another baby, but you may well regret NOT having another one.'

We stopped at 2 for medical and practical reasons, but there is always a little ache in my heart when I read threads like these.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Thu 14-Nov-13 09:59:15

I'm dubious about that quote - It's true not many parents regret having a child but that doesn't mean it's not a really really bad idea sometimes. And their siblings might well regret it!

I want a third, but I just don't have the resources (mentally, physically, financially). As tempting as it would be to say sod it and go for it, I know in my heart of hearts it would be a really selfish thing to do. I haven't made my peace with it yet, although I do love our family of four and I know I am lucky.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Thu 14-Nov-13 10:00:20

Btwm I mean it would be a selfish thing for ME to do, I'm not judging anyone else! Plenty of people cope fine with more children, I know.

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:02:24

I wasn't fussed about having any, then had two. Now they are 14 and 11 I am so glad we stuck at two.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 10:04:27

Well we have DS, then I got pregnant and we now have DTs too!

Does that count?

I want more

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:07:46

Oh gosh Special. If DS2 was twins I would be really struggling now.

CatWithKittens Thu 14-Nov-13 10:12:22

We thought of 2, then wanted 3, we now have 5 and all are and were always wanted - I'm very lucky in that I just need DH to look at me and ....
We have now stopped thinking of any more, at least for the moment!

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 10:13:38

It's very hard Sparkling

I look back with fondness on the days where I used to whine over my insomnia...

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:17:04

How did you feel when you found out Special?

tweetytwat Thu 14-Nov-13 10:18:59

If we had money I would go for a third. But as we haven't we are sticking with two. And it easier now they are a bit older and we are past the nappies and broken nights. They both still wake in the night fairly often but not four/five/a million times and they don't need anything unless they are poorly. Both were very bad sleepers.

mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:20:24

I have two. Totally cannot make up my mind on number 3. I really want another, dh does too, but some days I feel all out of patience and am naggy and snappy mum - I am worried that if I find it even harder to cope with another baby then the kids will have a stressed and shouty mummy, which I would hate. With the nature of dh's job (surgeon) I have to do all the night-time getting up. Ds1 loves babies and has even said he'd like us to have more! Sometimes I think it would be great for us all to have a big family, but I am so torn! I know I will always have a pang and a bit of heartache if we stop at two. But equally I am blessed to have two happy healthy children. Help!

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:22:45

I always say look into the future. Three teens loafing about on the settee/eating 24/7. Bit different to a little baby.
And finances. We had a letter about a school trip that was £1300.

mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:32:40

£1300 for a school trip??!! I'd expect the whole family to be able to go along too at that price.

MaryPoppinsBag Thu 14-Nov-13 10:35:43

Watching with interest.

I have two DS's 8 and nearly 5.
I have started to get broody again. We had pretty much decided no more but I feel so much like I want a 3rd. hmm

I'd be mad because DS2 is at school now. And I've been doing the baby / toddler/ pre-schooler thing for 8 years.

We've just moved to a 4 bed but use the spare room as a playroom. So the children would have to give that up.

I am also obese (just and I'm working on it!) so I know I'd have to have additional tests etc and would be under consultant care due to my thyroid condition. I would also elect for a c section due to my past births.

Plus life with our two just got a lot easier. If I'd had two of DS1 I'd definitely would have had another but DS2 was v difficult.

Heart says yes head says no.

nobutreally Thu 14-Nov-13 10:41:23

I was really keen on the idea of three at one point (I think around when mine were 4/5 and 2/3) Dh wasn't convinced and persuaded me to wait and think for a while. I'm really glad he did. Now they are older (7&9) I think my patience and time is better spread between two that three. The idea of juggling 3 sets of homeworks makes me feel quite dizzy! I come from a big family, and part of me regrets not having the 'sibling gang' that I appreciate with my own growing up ... but I also remember seeing very little of my mum for years. Not saying that's a result of more kids per se, but I do think you have to work harder at the parent/child connection when there are more kids in the mix.

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 10:46:12

Mine are 14 and 11

So far this school year (still deciding about a couple)

Wales £270
French Exchange £290
Boulogne £70
Business Trip £40
West End Show £40
Ypes for next year £175

Not to mention school photos/replacement uniform and school shoes where there feet grow a size in a month. DS1 has grown about 4 inches over the holidays too.

Fortunately DS1 didn't take Geography so the £1300 trip didn't matter. Phew.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 10:54:50

How did you feel when you found out Special?

Honestly, on the anonymity of MN? I was originally very distraught. DS1 is adopted (DH is his birth father though - Long story) and SEN, there was only a year between and I was terrified about how I'd cope, give DS1 the attention he needs as well as the new babies.

Of course we got over that and became very excited seeing them move, knowing DS1 would have siblings. The biggest fear wasn't money, sleep, stress or anything, it was fear we couldn't give all three equal attention.

Now they're here, toddlers and all so close, it's amazing! Makes me broody for more but then I think I'm insane. grin

mummyxtwo Thu 14-Nov-13 10:59:59

Special can I ask a rather basic and silly Q? How do you cope when all three are kicking off, or if one is wailing and you're trying to cook supper, etc? I worry that I'd completely lose the plot! How do you stay calm? Congrats btw - I'm in awe.

ZombieMonkeyButler Thu 14-Nov-13 11:04:34

I had 2. I only ever wanted 2.

Then, when they were 13 & 10, DC3 arrived grin.

I have no idea what changed, maybe the angst of the youngest leaving primary school, maybe both of the older DC becoming so independent BUT something did change.

There will be no DC4 though probably.

ZombieMonkeyButler Thu 14-Nov-13 11:07:40

DS2 brought a letter home about a £1100 trip too. Skiing in Canada hmm.

He won't be going.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Thu 14-Nov-13 11:10:56

Honestly? I don't.

I have lots of private cries, and I do lots of tuning out because I don't really have a choice. I have MH issues so if I don't tune out, I know I'd just crumble.

Luckily most of the time DTs know ignoring means they won't win, and just smack each other with foam toys find something else to do. With DS1, if he flips out I shove nuggets in the oven and deal with the problem as I know it needs to be dealt with, and tea is forgotten because, frankly, I'm not superwoman!

If one of DTs is having a real tantrum and not just trying it on, I do the same.

The best thing that works for us is an extremely strict routine and for DH and I, rota. It is our best chance at eliminating likelihood of 'I need a nap' tantrums, so we know when a tantrum is more likely to be illness related.

When they're all ill though, DH has to take time off work because I simply cannot do it alone.

It does get easier as they get older, when DTs were born I had severe PND because two colicky, refluxy babies and a confused 1-and-a bit-year old was a nightmare.

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