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Five year old upset about another child at childcare, what to do?

(3 Posts)
hopefulgum Fri 08-Nov-13 10:11:08

HI. My five year old son has two days a week at kindy and two days at a childcarer's. I am in Australia, and the childcare is a "family" daycare, which means my carer cares for a small group in her home.

She is wonderful, and I like her very much, however my DS is having trouble with another child she cares for. It is only on Fridays that the other boy is there and DS is getting very upset about going on Fridays, cries whenever we talk about it, starts to have "phantom" illnesses so he can stay home, and when I drop him off he is very clingy and upset.

My carer has sent me an email today telling me that the boy he has a problem with is lovely and isn't doing anything to my DS. And that when she tries to discuss it with DS he feigns illness and cries! DS can't really explain why he dislikes the other boy, but instead starts crying. I think it is because they are very different (my DS is not a "boyish" boy, instead a bit of a "nerd". Mad about all things Dr Who, drawing, reading, not into rough and tumble and cars etc).

I don't know what to do. I am not going to change carers as she is very good, and we've only a few more weeks of care, then it's summer break and he'll be off to school full-time.

I want to be able to teach him that he won't always like who he is with at school, work etc, but he's only just 5 and doesn't seem to comprehend this.

If anyone has been through a similar situation and has any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.

I am actually a mum of five, but not really encountered this problem before. I don't think it helps that DS is the youngest of the five, with his nearest sibling being 8 years older than him, so we probably give in to him too easily, IYKWIM.

Thanks thanks

SundaySimmons Sat 09-Nov-13 08:14:54

As you said yourself, he will encounter people all through his life who he won't like and if you give in and remove him from nursery it will not help his self confidence in the long run.

If the other boy is nice to him then there is no reason not to go. Perhaps try and get a sibling to find out why he doesn't like the boy? I'm suggest this because children will sometimes confide in another child but not an adult!

Perhaps the other boy made a one off comment to your son that was not overheard by the carer and this has led to your son not wanting to go when he is there.

Controversially you could arrange to take the other boy over the park with yours to see if they will bond. I wouldn't invite him back to your house at first as that could upset your son but if you asked some of the other parents to meet up over the park, you could observe for yourself the interaction between your son and this other boy.

It could be that the other boy is bossy and whilst isn't actually being u kind to your son, your son doesn't like it.

Mummyoftheyear Sat 09-Nov-13 10:10:36

Invite him for a play date. Would give you a clearer idea of why they may not get on and how you might find something that they both enjoy to help them to bond.

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