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Getting a 3 month old into a routine - Tips and advice wanted!!

(24 Posts)
sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 12:08:19

My DD Is a bit of a fuss during the day, she only really sleeps about an hour or so until about 7pm. So as you can imagen getting anything done during the day is a nightmare! She's 11 weeks ATM and is already teething (which hasn't been fun) She can hold her head fully rarely loosing head control and she's started pushing herself onto her side! Clever thing. But i'm not started to get fed up of having no time to even cook or clean during the day, it's been a nightmare! I'm so behind on everything.

She doesn't have a routine, usually what ever she wants goes and i'm starting to feel her clever little mind has started to realize she can play me up. When she's with her dad or a family member she's completely find but if she notices i'm in the room with them she'll cry until she comes to me and then stop. She's stop start her feeding only taking an ounce or two at a time and then wanting more in a hour or so usually due to falling asleep.

I've started to lay rules down today, i gave her her bottle at 11am and trying not to feed her until 3-4 hours time around 2ish in the mean time i'll be distracting her and giving her dummy. Then when i give her the bottle i'll be making sure she stays awake enough to have as much until she's full by playing, talking and changing her in the middle of the feed as she quite often falls asleep on the bottle before she's even filled herself up. Then i'll try and encourage a nap time. I'll keep doing this every 3-4 hours until 9pm in which it'll be bath, bottle then bed time. I'm hoping this will also encourage to sleep through the nights a bit longer then what she does.

Last night she was up every 1-2 hours just taking an ounce at a time, this is whats driven me to start a routine as i now feeling she's old and clever enough to start a routine. I'm looking for any tips or any comments on what i'm doing? I feel what i'm doing is best for both me and her but i'd love some more pointers. Is it too early to encourage a routine? Am i going the right way about it?

I love spending time with her during the day but it's getting to the point where i can't even leave her for 10 mins to type this message! Nightmare!

Tiredemma Thu 07-Nov-13 12:10:03

Is she your first child?

MerryMarigold Thu 07-Nov-13 12:11:57

Will she sit in a baby bouncer and watch you do things?

I was rubbish at routines, but I think the thing with them is that you have to keep going at it for a while (at least a week). It is strange she isn't drinking much at a time. Does she cry after a feed? Could she be getting wind? How long has that been going on? One ounce isn't much for a 12 week old, at one go.

sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 12:36:28

She is my first child yes.

And no she won't, i think she's very attention seeking as she's fine until I walk out the room then she cries. She's won't seem to let me do much. And it doesn't seem much but she'll have an ounce or so then wait half hour - hour and then have more. It's like this throughout the whole day so she's getting plenty just not long gaps! She does get wind but nothing to worry to much about i burp her quite a few times during the feed to make sure she's okay. I took her to the doctors yesterday and he said she was completely fine! Everyone who's come over has said to me she's attention seeking for me because i'm the person who's constantly with her and gives her all the attention..

I think she's just not in a routine and attention seeking a lot! I'll just describe my situation right now so i can get advice..

She woke up from a brief nap and started fussing, i then went into the room just to check shes okay. which she was only half moaning and half playing with her toys, I then walked out the room to come and check this post and she started crying so i walked back in gave a cuddle to calm her and checked whether she needed anything. She stopped crying and seem perfectly contented. I placed her in her bouncer and she gave me a smile. I then left the room to make a drink and she straight away started howling but soon as i picked her up she stopped. shes now sat with me at the computer and making happy cooing noises. I'd understand if i hadn't been paying her any attention but this morning i was playing with her and with her for 3 hours, she had a nap and all i've done is leave her briefly and she cries. Now every time i put her down in her bouncer, even if im right next to her she'll cry!

If she was in pain she wouldn't be able to be soothed, shes not hungry as i just fed 4 ounces about 45 mins ago. She won't take a dummy and nappy has been cjanged? Any suggestions? I can't even leave for the bathroom unless shes asleep sad

MigGril Thu 07-Nov-13 12:44:04

err she has too be your first right?

babies can't manipulate you, she's 11 weeks old she hasn't even realised you are a separate person yet and won't until around 8-9months when seperation anxiety starts. she also can't understand cause and effect that happens at around 18months, thats when she'll learn if she cries someone will come to her.

Her stomach is the size of her fist so can't hold huge amount of milk. and makimg her go long gaps between feeds is just going to get her angry and upset and she won't understand why. if you want to try spacing her feeds try doing a bit more gradually so it's not a total shock to her. Some babies are more high needs then others and are just hard work, maybe try a sling so you can be hands free and do a few jobs during the day.

But don't forget housework will keep babies don't, they grow all to fast. I understand you want to get some things done, but try going with the flow rather then fighting it. it really does take 3-4months for most babies to slot into a routine and some never do they areall individuals and trying to get her into a routine that doesn't suit her will just make you all miserable.

MigGril Thu 07-Nov-13 12:48:41

oh and maybe read DrSears as he wrights a lot about high needs babies. and the one thing high needs babies seem to need more of everything except sleep they are often terrible sleepers.

sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 12:54:02

I'm not saying she's manipulating me i'm saying she won't seem to settled unless i'm holding her. And i anyone else is around she'll only be with them if i'm in the room, if not she'll cry for me. I did read up how often and how much she's meant to feed before i started the routine as i didn't want to encourage what was wrong. Also yes, housework will keep. But the fact i can't even go to the loo without her crying is a bit extreme..

And as for getting her into a routine that will suit her.. i can't determine what that is for her yet as i haven't attempted a routine at all. I've started the feeds at 7 which is which time she nearly always wakes up.. so i'm am going off her and what wants. I'm not going to starve her for 3-4 hours if she wants feeding.. but i'll try and prolong it a bit by distracting her until she really wants it to encourage longer gaps rather then her wanting feeding ever 10 mins.

Thank you MigGrill I will check that out! I can defiantly say she is not a sleeper at all! Always alert wanting to played with or fed. Which quite often leads to her being over tired in the evenings. When shes been up for a while i encourage her to sleep and she dozes but literally only lasts for 5 mins and then shes awake and wanting to play or feed again!

MigGril Thu 07-Nov-13 13:04:13

yes sounds like a classic high needs baby my first was the same I used to take her to the loo with me. sometimes I'd have to have her sit on my knee other times she would sit in the bouncy chair. so I can totally get where you are coming from.

She's crying for you as doesn't understand she's separate from you and is confused you are not there. she's totally working of natural impulses at this age. Babies brains are so very different from ours but not a lot of people appreciate it.

sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 13:16:04

Oh i see, is there nothing to help with it, any tips etc? I'll have to try and find some books! Yeah, i notice when a friend or family member picks her up she frowns at them and gives such a confused expression. I mean it can have it's perks it lovely that when i pick see her she instantly smiles and needs me around but at the same time, i would love to be able for a friend to have her so i could just go for a bath without hearing her cry! I feel like i can't even leave her because she'll start crying. Such a simple thing like someone looking after while i go get dressed and do my make-up to go out and all i can here is her crying downstairs! It's horrible and not sure what to do about it!

Tiredemma Thu 07-Nov-13 13:19:54

DD (now 8 weeks) is my third, but there is a 10 year gap between her and DS2 so its very much like having a first born again (!) so I do empathise with you!

Is she overtired? Have you tried letting her sleep more?

mrsmartin1984 Thu 07-Nov-13 13:23:32

try using a sling. You can get stuff done with the baby on you

Tiredemma Thu 07-Nov-13 13:27:43

yes- I agree about sling. I dont have one now but distinctly remember washing up and hanging washing out with Ds2 attached to me via baby sling/carrier.

FaithTheVampireSlayer Thu 07-Nov-13 13:27:49

Ah my baby was like this. I got a stretchy sling and bunged her in and got on with things! The only thing I couldn't do is cook in it but I recommend batch cooking on a weekend (when someone else is around) so you can just reheat stuff in the week. My DD just gradually got the hang of being put down in the bouncer (5 minutes, then 10 minutes) - I'd have time to shower but not dry my hair!). Now at 6 months she's very happy on the floor, roaming round exploring!
The two routines that spring to mind are baby whisperer and <whispers> Gina Ford. They don't suit everyone but are worth a look. Baby whisperer might help you get baby into a routine of EASY (eat, activity, sleep, time for you). Do you try other things to her to nap like going out in the car, in the pushchair etc?

MerryMarigold Thu 07-Nov-13 13:28:26

You also (and this is hard) need to get used to a bit of crying. I had twins second time round so they HAD to cry sometimes (I was changing one nappy, or feeding one baby) plus having a 3yo. It's done them no harm and in fact they are probably more well adjusted, confident and independent at 5 than my first who had absolutely tons of attention.

I hate crying too, and it would always upset me, but if she is in the bathroom with you, but in her bouncer and crying because she wants holding, then you just have to be a bit hard to it. Have you tried feeding her when she wakes up from a nap (however brief) so she is not tired enough to go straight back to sleep? I think you should definitely be encouraging at least 2 hour gaps between feeds as this is far too demanding on you.

sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 13:29:50

Tiredemma She does get over tired in the evening sometimes, but whenever she does look a bit tired or red eyed i sooth her and encourage her to sleep every time and it often works. But after 5 minutes she wakes herself up. I think the longest she's slept through the day at one time is about half an hour. She has few brief naps of 5-15 mins and one bigger nap of about an hour around 5pm but apart from she's awake the whole time. It's like she doesn't want to sleep because she'll miss something..

Thank you mrsmartine1984 i will defo look into that!

sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 13:34:02

MerryMarigold I know i do, my mum said to me i was exactly the same as a baby and she'd sometimes have to leave me to cry for a little bit. But i just cannot seem to cope with it. I feel like when she's crying and i leave her for even 2 mins that i'm completely abandoning her! sad

I have tried feeding her when she wakes yes, but thing is with my daughter she won't take a bottle until she decides she'll have it. She could be slapping her lips and moaning for a bottle but then i make it and give it to her before she starts crying and she just smiles at me and won't take it. Put her back in her bouncer then half hour later when she starts to get grumpy she'll finally take it even though she wanted it half hour ago!

FaithTheVampireSlayer Thu 07-Nov-13 13:37:38

I think you need to work on her day time naps. Are you able to read her sleep cues? Rubbing eyes, losing interest in things, yawning (obviously). I highly recommend the No Cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley for very gentle hints and tips to help baby sleep better and longer.

tortoisesarefab Thu 07-Nov-13 13:40:56

Hi, with regards to a routine for a 3 month old. This is what worked for us. Clock when she wakes up and expect that she will want to sleep again about 2 hours later so if she wakes at 7 she will want a nap by 9. Try and coincide one nap, usually the lunchtime one with a feed so she is feeding about half an hour before she is due a nap and will go to sleep full. This will prob be the longest sleep. I wouldnt worry about rocking her to sleep at that age, just do what you need to do to get her to settle and then try and put her down. Hth

sjyouthed Thu 07-Nov-13 13:59:46

Yea i do know her sleepy cues and i do sooth her and encourage her to sleep which works but then she wakes herself up and then be alert and fine. Then she'll be sleepy again so i sooth her and encourage her to sleep which she does fall asleep then wakes up again a few mins later. It seems she just doesn't want to sleep, even when her body is telling her too. I always look out for when shes tired so i can help her get to sleep! And thank you i will check that out smile

And thank you tortoisearefab i'll give it a go!

Tiredemma Thu 07-Nov-13 14:20:08

What about swaddling her? I find DD to be really restless unless I swaddle her

Teaandflapjacks Thu 07-Nov-13 15:55:31

I have a 10 week old - also my first - and she like to be with me alot - I think it's normal. BUT I have some things in my armour that may help you. White noise app on iPHone - fricking lifesaver to keep her sleeping - i.e pushes them into deeper REM sleep. Or put hairdryer on, or electric toothbrush, hoover etc. I bought a manduca sling, whack her in that (side hip position as she is over 6 kilos) and get one with jobs, she sleeps in that attached to me - I wrap a large pashmina round my body to help her head and I don't think it has quite enough head support. I bought a highchair that is ok from birth - worth its money already. babies work on smell so leave a worn top with her when not with her.

Tiredemma Thu 07-Nov-13 17:22:12

Yes- I left the hoover on for about 20 mins yesterday- baby just sat in her chair listening to it as I cleaned up

MigGril Thu 07-Nov-13 17:29:35

yes the great thing about slings is often they will fall asleep and stay that way for a while. so may help with the naps. I found a streachy wrap best, some mums prefersomething a little more structered but stay away from some of the high street one which don't support the hips well show facing out positions as not good for babies hips or your back. something like an ergo, tula or manduca and beco are all good makes. if your lucky youmay have a local sling library where you can try one out.

Gingerbreadpixie Fri 08-Nov-13 23:59:33

Is she on slow flow teats on her bottle? My DS started to fall asleep less than halfway through his bottle at about 8 weeks, waking an hour or so later wanting more, only to fall asleep again! I was getting really frustrated until I switched him to medium flow teats. The box they came in said from 3+ months but I thought I'd give them a try, checking carefully that it wasnt too much for him, and it worked. He fed much more quickly and took more milk. Feeds that used to go on for over an hour take about 15 mins now.

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