Defiant and Disobedient DS

[MyAngels]

My DS is just about to turn 4, and is extremely stubborn and if he really doesn't want to do something (tidy up/put on coat/finish his tea) all we get is NO! and no strategy appears to help. Have tried naughty step (won't sit still), sticker charts and praising good behaviour, banning every favourite activity (screen time mostly), nothing seems to help at the time. Then he starts to hit and kick (knowing this is not tolerated), but by that time I don't have any punishments left. What could be an effective punishment of last resort?
DH has a more Victorian father approach at this stage, which doesn't work either...

What do other people use that is effective? Am feeling like I'm running out of options and being a bit rubbish, to be honest.

Any help would be useful for preschool too, as they get a lot of NO too, when he doesn't want to make a hat, paint a picture...(would rather play imaginary Power Rangers or with the cars..). They would like him to be a bit more compliant, I think.

Thanks

[MoonlightandRoses]

You probably already have, but how about either ignoring or minimising?

So when he says "no" you just say "ok DS" and go about your business with no further comment - again, if he starts to hit and kick, give him one warning (I find - "I will count to three and if you don't stop x,y,z will happen" works) and then, when he doesn't stop (and he won't) don't look at him or say anything else, just pick him up calmly and carry out whatever you'd said would happen - took about six weeks to have any effect on small child here, but consistency seems, finally, to be wearing them down, with only minor regressions.

Hope you find a solution soon - it is wearing.

P.S. - DH has to adopt exactly the same strategy in order for it to be effective - if he knows he can get a reaction from one of you it will take that much longer to resolve.