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please someone reassure me that having a toddler and a newborn is easier than being pregnant with a toddler

(25 Posts)
enormouse Wed 09-Oct-13 11:07:53

I'm sure this has been done many times before and I do love my almost 2 year old whirlwind. I just feel completely drained and exhausted keeping up with him. I'm almost 25 weeks pg and in all likelihood I probably do have low iron (had extremely low levels in my first pg) but I can't take anything for it as I'm waiting for thalassemia results to come back. I'm also waiting for a referral for a physio as I have a bad back. I don't sleep very well either and DP tends to wake everyone up when he goes to work.

I feel like I never get a moment's peace or just 2 minutes to sit down. Even as I write this I'm being repeatedly clambered on. I'm exhausted by the constant requests and whinging for something or other. The latest thing is emptying my kitchen cupboards and moving all my pans and distributing them about the house. I was almost followed into the shower by ds and 2 frying pans. I usually take him out but today is miserable and I'm simply too knackered to contemplate it. Would it be awful to stick him in front of cbeebies or a dvd?

Dp is very good with him and does a lot round the house now. But I'm getting irritated by the comments of 'but you were fine when you were pregnant with him', 'you walked everywhere and did XYZ' and 'how can you be THAT tired?' I do most things round the house, study for a cert HE part time and do coursework in the evenings.

I'm now dreading having a toddler and a newborn as I'm convinced it must be harder than just having one child. I also think I'm making a mistake applying for uni full time from next sept but I've put myself down as deferred entry for some courses.

This has gotten quite long so thanks for reading to the end.

poshme Wed 09-Oct-13 11:11:46

Sorry for short reply but I'm not feeling well.
I've been through where you are. Ignore comments about last pregnancy- it's totally different when you can't just rest when you want to.
Just do what you have to- to get through the day.
For the low iron- have you tried floradix? My MW recommended it as my levels were low but not low enough for proper iron things. or red wine or guiness

pootlebug Wed 09-Oct-13 11:14:46

Agree with previous poster
poster - put cbeebies on!

And yes imo toddler + newborn is easier than toddler + pregnancy so long as you have a good you can wear comfortably severa. Hours a day

poshme Wed 09-Oct-13 11:14:52

Sorry forgot to answer your q- newborn & toddler is tiring, but somehow less physical than pregnancy IYSWIM?
As soon as my DCs stopped daytime naps, they all had at least 1 hr TV time each day do I could rest of sofa.
never TV all day, oh no, not peppa pig on repeat all day

pootlebug Wed 09-Oct-13 11:15:45

Excuse typos haven't really sussed new phone yet...

WhispersOfWickedness Wed 09-Oct-13 11:16:41

Put the tv on!!

It is physically less tiring with a toddler and newborn, yes. Emotionally harder though, unless your bump has taken to wailing every time you sit down with your toddler grin

IComeFromALandDownUnder Wed 09-Oct-13 11:18:12

Definitely easier. Newborns sleep all day and will happily sit in a bouncer. Plus you will have a lot more energy.

DoudousDoor Wed 09-Oct-13 11:20:02

God I hope so. Only 9 weeks but suffering bad morning sickness plus migraines. My only 'relief' is I work full time so DS can spend the day jumping on someone else. But then I get the added stress of my job.

Got told off by the Dr on Monday who says its not good for the baby that I'm so stressed/tired/ill so it was postman pat at 7am today - I gave up.

I know someone whose 2 year old watched Cars on a loop for 2 days when she had a migraine. No lasting ill effects on the toddler!

enormouse Wed 09-Oct-13 11:24:17

Cbeebies is on smile.

I just feel like I'm disappointing ds a little, he's the type that wants to be out all the time and informs me at length what he wants to do and tries to put on his shoes. Or attempts to leave. Still I'm sure a hour or 3 or 4 of cbeebies won't hurt.

DoudousDoor Wed 09-Oct-13 12:05:57

Send him out for hours at the weekend with DH. Thats my plan. I stupidly took DS out for nearly 3 hours on Sat and spent the rest of the weekend throwing up. This weekend is DH's turn. Im even sending them to MIL without me for the day (1st time ever and DS will not be impressed at leaving me)

Can a friend take your DS for an hour or 2? I would bend over backwards to help a friend or just an acquantaince as I know how crap pregnancy can make you feel.

enormouse Wed 09-Oct-13 12:23:11

Unfortunately, local friends/neighbours that would have him are working or studying. Dp does take him out a fair bit and his parents have him quite
often. But they both work and have other commitments.

I made the mistake of taking him out for a long walk yesterday which is why I'm still feeling worn out today.

He got quite grouchy so I put him (and a pan) down for a pre lunch nap. first time he's decided to nap in weeks so I'm going to put my feet up, mumsnet and enjoy some daytime tv with a cup of tea and a flapjack.

Thank you all for the advice. smile

dubstarr73 Wed 09-Oct-13 12:31:12

Yes being pregnant and having a toddler is a pita.I had newborn and 2 toddlers,still easier than being pregnant.I think now is a good time to make your dc aware they wont have you all to themselves when bay arrives.
Also no harm having a duvet day make him a tent and you rest on the sofa.

Plus have easy foods like beans on toast or scrambled eggs if you dont feel like cooking.It wont do them any harm.

Up2nogood Wed 09-Oct-13 14:09:57

I certainly hope so I'm due in 4 days with a 22 month at home!!! I'm exhausted! I'm in the midst of trying to find a new home as ours is sold too!!! The tv and iPad is used more than I'd like, but I keep telling myself it's not forever. Surprisingly playgroups keep me going. It's tiring as I'm always following him around stopping preventing the usual snatching and hitting but he gets a good run around and tires himself out! And books, we reads lots of books. But the clambering all over me is a nightmare. I feel so bad keep
Pushing him off and not being able to roll around the floor or chase him around too.

mummyxtwo Wed 09-Oct-13 14:37:09

It's a different tired! The sleep still isn't good, obviously, but at least your body feels a lot better. Picking up a child whilst you have a bump is not only tricky but also exhausting! My back ache improved dramatically after having dd2 as I no longer had to lie on my side at night. Shamelessly overuse Cbeebies and disney dvds from now until baby is a few weeks old! I was able to successfully wean ds1 off all the extra screen time and he remains outdoors-loving and doesn't have square eyes.

matilda101 Wed 09-Oct-13 14:41:57

I have a 20 month old and a 2 month old - the baby is definitely easier than the wingy toddler at the moment! I survive by watching a lot of peppa or Ben and holly and I have a didymos ring sling which has been a godsend! I make sure I do something every morning - playgroup, music group, park etc so I have some structure to the day and we get some fresh air! I have found that aiming to get somewhere everyday has helped otherwise the days gone and you've done nothing! You'll be fine!

enormouse Wed 09-Oct-13 14:57:28

I do try and get out as much as I can (mum and toddler, baby cinema, park etc) as he's definitely easier once he's had some sort of stimulation/activity/general run around. Just today is one of those days where everything seems like a massive mission. Dp gets home in an hour and a half and he'll take over then.
I have invested in a moby wrap which I'm looking forward to using with DS2.

Oh God, in the time taken to write this he's unloaded my washing machine.

CbeebiesIsMyLife Wed 09-Oct-13 15:04:35

I have 2 dd's 15 months apart and my advice is to put stair gates up EVERWHERE (to contain the whirlwind in one room!) put cbeebies on and expect it to stay on for the next 18 months.
Things aren't particularly going to get easier, just different, and you need to lower your expectations.

When I'd just had dd2 I started a thread about how crap a parent I was being and someone gave me a great but of advice, so much so I printed it out an stuck it to my fridge to remind myself that I was doing ok!

She told me that a sign of a good day was everyone being fed and no one being dead. (Dressing is just a bonus!)

mumofboyo Wed 09-Oct-13 20:08:50

I was just wondering if you have a garden that's safe and enclosed? That way, you could both wrap up warm and go outside, but don't actually have to walk anywhere! If you have toys such as a slide, mini trampoline, toddler seesaw, tunnel, balls etc he's got plenty of things to do/play with and you can sit with a book and cuppa without worrying about him escaping.

It is easier with a baby than being pregnant because you can plonk the baby down if you need to, other people can take over if you need them to, you can sleep better (!) without a big bump in the way, you don't have all the hormones running riot around your system making you tired and playing havoc with your joints.

enormouse Thu 10-Oct-13 10:09:05

That's something I hadn't thought of mumofboys, thanks. We have a nice little garden and then an enclosed gated off parking area for us and next door. Next door is a holiday home so it's rare there's a car parked. Weather's still mostly good here too so we can go out.

Dp got back about half 4 last night and he took DS to see his grandparents which was lovely. So I survived yesterday smile. Today I'm feeling better so we're going to head out into town and amble about. Also DPs off for the day.

DIYandEatCake Thu 10-Oct-13 16:13:28

I know how you feel, 31 weeks here with a 2.6yo dd who's going through a very negative and boundary-pushing stage. Doesn't want to do anything, doesn't want me to do anything (ie when I wash up she cries and says she wants to play with me, as soon as I've finished and go to play with her she cries and tells me to go away....) Any kind of activity (even going in the garden) involves vast amounts of jollying along and effort from me and I just don't have the energy. I write this sitting on the sofa with dd asleep on my bump after a 45 minute hysterical tantrum, and I was feeling very bleak and wondering how I'd cope with a screaming toddler and a screaming baby at the same time... Glad I'm not alone! Tbh I don't think the hormones help, I get worked up more easily and am just so tired too.

MiaowTheCat Thu 10-Oct-13 18:30:17

Being honest - I'd rather have my two at 18 month and 7 month than be pregnant with the youngest while having the eldest to deal with again. Granted I had appalling SPD leaving me housebound and unable to tackle stairs (we ended up having to have DD1 have daytime naps in a temporary cot in the lounge as I couldn't carry her up the stairs at all) which made it worse - but it was bloody gruelling! The one consolation I took from it all was that she WASN'T mobile then - would have been much worse if she was a toddler tornado at the time.

SPBisResisting Thu 10-Oct-13 18:32:15

I remember thinking exactly that when dd was a few days old. Pregnancy is so gradual you dont realise how difficult it is until youre suddenly no longer pregnant. I looked back and wondered how I coped

MumofWombat Fri 11-Oct-13 04:25:18

Oh my, we are only having two children because there is NO WAY I can be pregnant again. Pregnancy sucks - although I play 'collect the pregnancy complications', am high risk etc etc so particularly not easy for me (oh and in two pregnancies I've never had a bump so I don't even get the sympathy vote from strangers!), but my second when trying to deal with a toddler was shocking.
My parents came out to stay with us (I'm in Australia) for three months including a month before I had the baby to help me out. They admitted that it was only afterwards when I was recovering from a csection but was able to do sooooo much more than I had before having the baby that they realised how debilitating I found pregnancy.
Kids tv is your friend. It's not for forever, you can get back into good habits down the road. And if anyone can help out - let them! And your DH needs to take on more around the house to give you a break...

rrreow Fri 11-Oct-13 11:28:01

Yes and no, but mostly yes. I found that once the baby is born the hardest thing is when you're feeding the baby and the toddler wants attention. Other than that it's miles easier because you're not so inexplicably exhausted all the time (I find lack of sleep exhaustion easier to deal with than pregnancy exhaustion). Cbeebies is a godsend.

brettgirl2 Fri 11-Oct-13 20:42:03

it is yes, until the baby starts moving is my experience wink

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