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Just started school, dd exhausted. Is a day off okay?

(32 Posts)
stopthebusiwanttogetoff Mon 30-Sep-13 13:13:05

DD just started school aged 4, and there are two weeks til half term (Scotland, so started mid August). She is shattered, and it is affecting her behaviour and enjoyment of life! She is just very moany and needy and not her usual self, tears for no reason and mad hysterical hyper happiness, followed by collapsing into sobs. I feel so sorry for her, and this morning she cried going into school for the first time, wanting to stay home.

I am thinking of keeping her off tomorrow as I don't work Tuesdays, just to let her chill out- ie board games, tv and stories, and go to feed the ducks or something. This is my son is only 6 and will be jealous!!! So maybe I should just leave them both to it.


MiaowTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 18:37:23

I'd talk to the school - it's not a particularly unusual problem (and I always find this half term the hardest going slog of the lot of them myself - nights getting darker, weather getting crapper and there's nowt really to look forward to unlike the run up to Christmas next half term)... used to teach one little girl who regularly had a nap in the book corner in class (her mum knew this and was happy for her to do so) - and would express her opinion on the head's boring as hell assemblies by loudly snoring through them (I empathised and wished I could join in without getting the sack)!

nappyaddict Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:21

I have known of children with special needs or that were born prematurely to defer and still start in Reception in England.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 02-Oct-13 18:18:56

I would speak to the school.

DS1's reception teacher was great at keeping an eye on them, and he fell asleep a couple of times during the first term and they called me to go and pick him up. I think that if I had really felt he couldn't handle it they would have been happy for him to do a couple of half days but we didn't get to that point even though he had only turned 4 a few weeks before he started school.

sarahtigh Wed 02-Oct-13 18:13:35

my DD is same she is 5 in december so will start school in scotland in august she will be one of youngest(4.8) if we ever moved to England she would be in same school year, ( though now as one of the older ones in her year group) however if I chose to defer and then moved to England she would have to skip a school year

legally you can defer in England but your child would miss reception year

stopthebusiwanttogetoff Mon 30-Sep-13 21:48:42

Yes Sarah, she is a December birthday, and as you rightly say I didnt want her to start P1/year R next August, as I think she is as ready as her peers. She will be 5in December. My son is a Jan birthday and I have probably just forgotten how tired he was when he started school, and like I said before he had duvet days as he kept getting chest infections, she never gets ill, but god she gets tired. She was asleep for 7 tonight though, so fingers crossed!

I hadn't realised that about the defferal systems - I assumed England was the same. Interesting!

fuckwittery Mon 30-Sep-13 21:10:30

I would keep her off, and say, you are not v well today as you are so tired, explain to your 6 year old that she is not v well as not slept enough, and tell the school she is crying with tiredness and needs a day to recharge batteries.

motherinferior Mon 30-Sep-13 20:43:51

I once rang school when DD1 was in reception explaining she was totally wiped and I was keeping her off on Friday - my day off with her sister - but if we were seen in the local shop please not to be cross...and school was lovely about it. One day off when run down in reception really doesn't set them up for anything. DD1 is now 12 and has an exemplary attendance record grin

sarahtigh Mon 30-Sep-13 20:38:41

I meant if they were 4 on 31st august in England if they start this year they go to reception but if you defer they go to Y1 but in Scotland they would still go to P1 not P2 the next year

sarahtigh Mon 30-Sep-13 20:37:12

surely she is 4.5 to start in august as cut off date is being 4 before 1st march 2013 in scotland, I am presuming as she is nearly youngest in class she is a jan/feb birthday, my DD is december birthday and we are not deferring so she will be one of younger ones as quite a few jan/feb birthdays do defer

the difference in scotland is that if you defer they stay in that year while in England is your child that was 4 on 31st of England defers they go straight to Y1 not reception

I would suggest asking for 2-3 half days now and 1-2 half days later in year with aim of being on full days by the time she is actually 5

ZuleikaD Mon 30-Sep-13 15:48:15

My DD is also only 4 (5 in May) and I told the school that she would only be doing half days until Christmas. They were fine with it.

nethunsreject Mon 30-Sep-13 15:29:48

Fair enough, good luck with whatever you choose re: day or two off. Anecdotes aren't research though and we are all subject to confirmation bias too.

Poledra Mon 30-Sep-13 14:46:35

DO you have reason to believe the school will be unhelpful? I'm asking this because we had similar problems with our youngest DD (in England rather than Scotland) and the teacher could not have been more helpful. She suggested occasional half-days (pre-arranged with the school) and kept an eye on DD for over-tiredness. We did get a phone call from the school one day telling us not to worry but DD had fallen asleep in the book corner! The TA said they would have just let her sleep it out but she was a bit hot so could someone maybe come and take her home? smile

Anyway, might be worth talking to the school to see if there's an acceptable compromise.

yomellamoHelly Mon 30-Sep-13 14:41:02

I would give her a duvet day. She's not going to get anything out of being in school if she's knackered. Plus she's not 5, so doesn't absolutely have to be there anyway. (Get out argument for your ds!)

nappyaddict Mon 30-Sep-13 14:35:16

IMO you just need to say it matter of factly. I would send a letter into school saying that because DD is not 5 until such and such I will be picking her up at lunchtimes on X and Y days from now on because she is exhausted and you feel she won't be able to concentrate and learn anything in that state. Say you feel a couple of afternoons to recharge her batteries will mean she will get more out of the time she is in school.

In Scotland I think compulsory school age is as soon as they turn 5, where as in England and Wales it is the first day of the term after they turn 5. Your local authority should be able to confirm that though.

stopthebusiwanttogetoff Mon 30-Sep-13 13:58:54

nethunsreject, yes I did fully research whether to defer, and I know as many people with bored deferred children in upper primary, as i do with teary non-deferred in lower primary. In addition my sister, husband and myself were the youngest in our years and did well academically, with sports, music, friendships etc. My kids are very sociable, confident and laid back; and academically bright, just bloody tired! Sorry if i sound touchy, but I was not asking for opinions on whether she should be in school. She already is.

Thanks madthings, curlew and bramshott, appreciate it. Am undecided on it now! Nappy addict, cool - I'll phone the school then and ask.


domesticslattern Mon 30-Sep-13 13:55:44

7.30 feels quite late. My reception age child was sparko by seven, 6.30 at weekends when possible.
It really adds up... going to bed an hour earlier is nearly a whole extra nights sleep over the week. And it never affected her wake up time.
Worth a try?

ThisIsBULLSHIT Mon 30-Sep-13 13:48:32

Start her bath etc a bit early each night (if you can) and sneak her into bed a bit earlier every night, my dd is just the same, just started school and lots of crying, weeping actually!

She can't quite cope with everyday life! But a good early night sorts it out.

5madthings Mon 30-Sep-13 13:47:46

i would give her the day off.. have done with my boys and it didnt set a precedent. at 14 ds1 hasnt had time off school except for an emergency op and an authorised holiday since he was nine.

my ds4 has just gone into yr one but last yr in receotion he had the odd day off as he was knackered. school were fine with ut, ht and his teacher agreed he wouldnt learn if he was shattered and they would rather he had a day off and recharged a bit and was then refreshed and ready to learn and enjoy being at school.

my elder kids are 14, 11 and nearly 9, the odd day off when little did no harm.

Bramshott Mon 30-Sep-13 13:45:06

I would. Exhaustion counts as illness in the first term of school I reckon.

curlew Mon 30-Sep-13 13:45:05

I used to let mine have the occasional day off at this age if they were tired. No precedent set, no problems with attendance. Do it.

nappyaddict Mon 30-Sep-13 13:42:34

I thought legally they didn't have to go to school til the term after they turn 5. So if you tell the school she's only doing half days til then, there's not much they can do.

nethunsreject Mon 30-Sep-13 13:41:15

She sounds knackered! And it sounds really hard on you all. I would defer, she doesn't sound ready for full time school. Statistically, older kids do far better both socially and academically (ed psych). But you don't want to I guess? And I'm sure that you know her needs better than a bunch of strangers on the internet. Unfortunatley it's all or nothing really, isn't it? Be nice if they could be more flexible till 5 yrs, as in England.

stopthebusiwanttogetoff Mon 30-Sep-13 13:36:07

Thanks pigstack - nice to hear i am not the only one with that attitude! May09 i was thinking about asking if they'd let her do half days on my days off, but I think it'd be a no. I might invent an appointment or two for her around 1pm some days! She does need more of her eczema cream actually...

stopthebusiwanttogetoff Mon 30-Sep-13 13:32:36

She sleeps 7.30pm-7.30/8 a.m, though on Weds-Fri we are half an hour earlier as I work those days. If she napped after school she'd be up til 9 as even a wee ten minutes affectsher night sleep.

I didn't defer her because I think are are disadvantages to being oldest in the year, just as there are disadvantages to being youngest. Ideally she would be mid year, but she isn't. Her peer group were going to P1 (same nursery) and she has friends and social confidence/skills.

She goes to after school club on the days I work and loves it.

Okay, consensus is not to keep her off, poor wee soul. My ds was the same (alos young for yeargroup) but he has asthma and kept getting chest infections, so did have a lot of duvet days in term one of P1!!! My dd is just too healthy!

Bowlersarm Mon 30-Sep-13 13:31:33

I think you would be setting a precedent for the future. Every time she feels a bit tired she would expect a day off school.

There are enough days off in school life through illness, accidents, appointments, I don't think I would be adding to that list with 'tiredness'

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