Random and slightly merry conversation with friends at the weekend.
I know most people go into becoming a parent with rose-tinted glasses (I will bake, all the time! And write that novel while the baby has 3 hour naps! And never, ever even show them a telly before they are 4! 
) and quickly realise that generally real life is different. None of us were actually that surprised by this. But most of us agreed that the love we felt for our DC was different from how we thought it would feel.
I imagined I would have an overwhelming rush of love for my baby and would spend hours staring at them in utter adoration. I imagined something quite romantic, really. This isn't remotely how I actually feel about DD. I can't stare at her forever, I never have been able to. I don't look at her and regularly feel awash with amazement about how incredible she is, though of course she is awesome and super baby and all that. What I do feel is a very simple protective instinct, if that makes any sense. She might drive me loopy (she's a toddler, after all) but I know that I would do anything to protect her from something bad, anything at all. I know that she is the most important person in my world.
Do you think you feel the same way that you imagined you would?
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Do you love your DC in the way you expect?
Thurlow · 23/09/2013 16:56
No I don't feel how I expected.
I didn't expect to feel that rush of love but I did, with both of them, immediately.
I could stare at them for hours when they were babies and I found that quite surprising. Didn't imagine myself to be that kind of parent.
Now they are 2 and 5 I'm surprised how much I miss them when they are away for longer than a few hours. I miss the cuddles and them sitting on me all the time .
I'm surprised by the intensity of my love. I don't really like other peoples kids so it was a surprise how utterly and immediately I fell in love with my own.
That sounds weird doesn't it?
(I realize how strong/raw it is when something bad happens or someone has upset DS etc. It brings out the primal side in me )
I think I do, actually. I was lucky not to suffer from any pnd or anything like it (although I found the first 6 weeks with both very hard indeed), I did feel an immense rush of love almost straight away and it has just kept going in an upward trajectory since then. Now I look at my dc and I feel I want to burst sometimes with happiness and gratitude and a feeling of immense good luck. And that includes slightly tricky pre-teen dd! 
.
Agree, and the primitive and uncompromising nature of it hasn't worn off, even though mine are adult.
I've told this story before, but my friend was asleep in bed when the fire alarm went off, and she awoke to clouds of smoke.
She found herself in the garden, in her nighty, with a child clamped firmly in each hand, having stormed through the house and saved her most important things without a sentient thought in her head.
Despite the fact that her two lads were a foot taller than her, and the fire was caused by eldest DS making a snack after coming home from work.
Her babies were safe. Terrified at the sheer strength of their mother,, but safe!
Cailin, yes to the unconditional side of it. Knowing in a very certain way that nothing will ever stop them being your child - even if, god forbid, they grew up to do something awful, there will still be that knot in your stomach that says you must protect them they best you can.
That's a great story, silver! DP had to think long and hard about which of his 'three items for saving' he was demoting once DD turned up (he even asked me if she was allowed to carry one item )
What brought these thoughts on for me and made me bring it up with my friends was watching that Brian Cox documentary, of all things. There was a bit on vivisection. I watched it and I thought - if it was for DD, you could test on a 1,000 gorillas, I wouldn't care in the slightest. I'd herd the damn things up myself. An odd thought, I know.
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