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Can I give her back?

(144 Posts)
CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 21:08:38

Really struggling tonight. Baby is 10 days old and has been on my breasts since 2 this afternoon. She isn't sucking properly or swallowing but I can't put her down or even move her away from the nipple into my arms for a cuddle. When oh takes her she just screams until she is back on the breast.
We struggled to get feeding established and when she was weighed at day 5 she had lost 11%. Midwife not concerned, weighed again yesterday and she has gained but still not up to birth weight. They still aren't bothered and we aren't being seen again until discharge on 23rd.
She feeds quite well in the day and usually cluster feeds for two or three hours late afternoon, but today it has been relentless. I cant move her, I can't feed laying down to get some rest and I just wish someone would take her away for the night.
Everyone keeps telling me that feeding is going well and I'm doing great but how can I be?
I have a carton of formula that I'm tempted to give but not sure if it would even help because she would still want to be held constantly? Tried to lay down in bed with her just now but that wasn't good enough.

What do I do? It's only 9 and im dreading the rest of the night. I can't do this.why did I ever want to have a baby.

Please help

PacificDogwood Wed 25-Sep-13 22:49:18

Oh wow, you sound SO much happier, v pleased for you smile.
And well done for still BFing and feeding in public.

It is really important to go out - I had to get out of the house at least once a day to not go round the bend, even if it was just going to the local shops with baby in the pram/sling with me.

Glad to hear your enjoying your visitors as well - see, there IS life after having had a baby wink.
Well done, you. Just keep going, one feed at a time, and one day at a time and before you know it she'll be off to school x.

catchingzeds Wed 25-Sep-13 18:51:41

Oh wow you're doing so well! So pleased for you smile
You were so brave reaching out for help and being proactive in sorting yourself out.
Enjoy your little girl and don't forget there will be wobbles but remind yourself that EVERYONE has those.

CleanAllTheThings Wed 25-Sep-13 01:18:17

Visit is going well, so much better than I expected! We've been out and about doing normal things which has made me feel so much less trapped. Haven't felt anxious for a couple of days, meds seem to be kicking in a bit. Even fed in a almost empty cafe in town yesterday!

Think we are gearing up for another growth spurt (she was 3 weeks on Sunday) as we've had two evenings of big cluster feeds again but I feel like I can cope with it, I know she is getting enough milk because she is so content the rest of the time.

appletarts Mon 23-Sep-13 20:17:20

I'm sorry, i just read whole post and see things are a bit more complicated.

appletarts Mon 23-Sep-13 20:11:30

This is definitely the dreaded day 10 growth spurt. I remember I well and I felt liked I had been run over by the end of it. Your baby is stimulating your milk supply to meet her needs. Don't try a dummy or formula, this is what is meant to happen on day 10 and your are doing great. You have to eat a lot and drink a lot, I remember eating vast amounts of food, make sure it's good food, not junk or snacks. Porridge is brilliant as are potatoes and cheese. You have to just get on that sofa and eat your way through it. The good news is in a couple of days when it is over she will sleep a few good long stretches and you'll be able to catch up. Phone your local birthing centre, they are great and will reassure you that everything is going well. Ps you'd probably regret giving her back ;)

chocolatesolveseverything Mon 23-Sep-13 14:54:05

Clean, my heart goes out to you. My DS is 6 weeks and I've also been struggling with pnd. The number of times I've wanted to hand him over to someone and walk away permanently! But gradually it is getting easier honest. We're both going to recover from this illness eventually.

catchingzeds Sun 22-Sep-13 21:26:19

Hope the visit from your partners family is going ok. I struggled being around people too as I didn't feel confident in caring for DS. I also felt dangerously close to tears most of the time. Disappearing upstairs to feed your DD will give you an excuse to escape for a while!
You will feel better soon and I promise you won't feel like this forever.

CleanAllTheThings Fri 20-Sep-13 10:05:37

Didnt know that but I definitely feel more anxious! Hope it gets better soon.

The night wasn't bad, got nearly a 4 hour stretch at one point.

Partners family are arriving today, staying near by for a week. Bit worried about it. Don't feel comfortable feeding in front of them as she sometimes wont latch on well, so feel like I'm going to be quite restricted. Will have to feed her upstairs when they are here. Don't want to see them everyday. They are aware of the situation so will hopefully be sensitive. They are lovely in small doses!

PacificDogwood Thu 19-Sep-13 21:05:23

It's great to hear the the snipped tongue-tie has already made a difference smile - chances are she'll continue to improve in the next week or 2.

Just like you.

You'll feel better in a week or 2 - you will.
Do you know that anxiety can get worse on treatment initially before it then gets better? So don't worry (if you can help it) too much about having felt anxious today.
Here's wishing you a peaceful night (as far as your DD will allow).

catchingzeds Thu 19-Sep-13 18:20:16

One day at a time. The meds will begin to kick in and soon you'll feel a little more in control each day.
Great news your partner is around for another week, you're doing this together.

BeaWheesht Thu 19-Sep-13 13:34:07

The first couple of weeks meds always the hardest. Keep ploughing on through you're doing great.

Dd had her tongue tie snipped too, no long lasting effects smile

CleanAllTheThings Thu 19-Sep-13 13:04:34

Really anxious today. Been on Sertraline since Monday. Today is a bad day and I want to run, it's suffocating. Partner is off for another week thank god.

Baby had her tongue tie snipped yesterday and we have seen a little improvement already which is good. She seems to be unlatching herself which I take to mean she is full.

catchingzeds Thu 19-Sep-13 11:19:03

How are you doing? X

PacificDogwood Sun 15-Sep-13 15:27:53

Oh good, a mini-babymoon smile.

Bed, skin-to-skin, chocolate, remote control, trashy magazines...
I hope you both find it relaxing and enjoyable.

CleanAllTheThings Sun 15-Sep-13 15:10:06

Midwife has ordered skin to skin this afternoon.
I started another thread in the pnd sections as more appropriate.

PacificDogwood Sun 15-Sep-13 14:45:07

Hoping you're having a restful Sunday smile

SpottyTeacakes Sun 15-Sep-13 06:41:18

I've only just seen this thread.

Clean please don't feel bad, it really sounds like you're doing well and your dd is giving you 2-3hour stretches? That's great! I would definitely keep going back to the bf group as it sounds like they really helped you and made you feel more confident.

It's good that your mw is offering you such good support just keep talking to her and your gp thanks

matilda101 Sun 15-Sep-13 06:05:19

Growth spurt time!!

CleanAllTheThings Sun 15-Sep-13 05:58:02

She had to have a bottle of formula yesterday but I have been feeding her since.
Wish I didn't feel like this, i just want to enjoy my baby. Its not fair.

The gp didn't give me anything, said he wants my gp to be involved and antidepressants won't hope straig away so I can wait til Monday basically. Midwife still keen for me to go back onto the ward for support with her but I know this wold make me feel worse, like they were watching me all the time and I'd have to do it all by myself. Tonight I have been feeding her and giving her back to my partner.

Feel so sad.

Sparklyboots Sat 14-Sep-13 23:40:14

Bad luck Clean. Obviously it's not what you wanted but please don't waste energy wishing it had gone another way. Get yourself on steady ground, first babies are hard enough without adding uncertainty into the mix. Your posts have sounded like you lack confidence in your ability to cope, and living with the feeling you might not is probably not conducive to your enjoyment of your baby, to say the least. Once you're sure you'll cope, everything that is difficult becomes less threatening and more just-a-bit-irritating. And you can get on with lying on the sofa, accepting tea and biscuits and staring at your baby while she gets delightfully more.and more awake

Smartiepants79 Sat 14-Sep-13 22:22:27

I agree with the previous posters.
Enjoying your baby is the MOST important thing.
BF is good and if its important to you, do what you need to to stick with it BUT not at the expense of everything else.
Looking after you is just as important.

catchingzeds Sat 14-Sep-13 22:10:02

My heart goes out to you. Reminds me so much of my first year with DS1, I can't say I enjoyed it at all and I don't think I fell in love with him for months. I spent his first 12 months feeling physically sick and gripped by panic. I was completely overwhelmed and terrified of the enormity of the responsibility. I believe BF made this much worse, I could never switch off or share the burden and sobbed during most feeds. I was exhausted and think my hormones were going mental trying to keep up with the demand for milk.

I think it's amazing you're reaching out for help I so wish I had. Be totally honest and get the help you need. You're absolutely doing the right thing.

To give you hope DS1 and I became the best of friends, he is 7 now and I couldn't adore him more.
I never thought I would have more children, I was terrified of going back there. DS2 arrived a year ago, I FF from the start and it has been a totally different experience. I can honestly say I have loved every minute. The biggest change has been that it feels DH and I are a team this time, equal in every way.

I so hope you get the help you need, you're not alone lots of women go through this it's just that not enough are honest about it.


PacificDogwood Sat 14-Sep-13 21:13:31

Clean, please don't be gutted!
Embrace the offer of assessment by your GP - I bet he/she is not coming to 'prescribe something' but to see whether medication is likely to help you. And if you've had a good response to medication before, then why not take it?
You want to be able to think back of the first few weeks and months with your DD with fondness, so go with whatever might help you get there.

Be kind to yourself. Which includes NOT beating yourself up about not feeling well. Please. smile

flowersinavase Sat 14-Sep-13 21:11:46

Just wanted to congratulate you OP on your determination to BF.

FF can seem like the easy option, but it simply isn't the same as BF.

So well done you: you're giving that baby the best start you possibly can.

IceBeing Sat 14-Sep-13 21:05:09

clean please try to remember that you are recovering from a serious medical procedure and don't set unrealistic expectations of yourself.

It is so very hard and you are not even in the minority in finding it this hard.

Thinking of you thanks

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