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Can I give her back?

(144 Posts)
CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 21:08:38

Really struggling tonight. Baby is 10 days old and has been on my breasts since 2 this afternoon. She isn't sucking properly or swallowing but I can't put her down or even move her away from the nipple into my arms for a cuddle. When oh takes her she just screams until she is back on the breast.
We struggled to get feeding established and when she was weighed at day 5 she had lost 11%. Midwife not concerned, weighed again yesterday and she has gained but still not up to birth weight. They still aren't bothered and we aren't being seen again until discharge on 23rd.
She feeds quite well in the day and usually cluster feeds for two or three hours late afternoon, but today it has been relentless. I cant move her, I can't feed laying down to get some rest and I just wish someone would take her away for the night.
Everyone keeps telling me that feeding is going well and I'm doing great but how can I be?
I have a carton of formula that I'm tempted to give but not sure if it would even help because she would still want to be held constantly? Tried to lay down in bed with her just now but that wasn't good enough.

What do I do? It's only 9 and im dreading the rest of the night. I can't do this.why did I ever want to have a baby.

Please help

nowwhat Wed 11-Sep-13 21:48:40

I'm so sorry that it feels like this, but you ARE doing a great job. Have some thanks

My little boy did this at 4 days old and I was quite honestly demented. I was still in hospital in a fair bit of pain, I cried for hours because every time I stopped feeding him he screamed, even though he wasn't really feeding. Finally at 2am I gave him a dummy and he calmed down immediately. I understand your worries because I had them too, but honestly, just do it, if it works it works and if she doesn't want it she won't have it anyway.

Mine is 14 weeks now and likes his dummy but he doesn't always need or want it and it hasn't affected breastfeeding at all. If anything it seemed to help him improve his latch a little bit. My revised plan is to follow my cousins lead with her little girl and make him give his dummy to Santa when he's three! it will totally work

HuglessDouglas Wed 11-Sep-13 21:49:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:16

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:17

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:18

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:20

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:20

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:21

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:22

agree dummy. I spent 2 weeks crying on the sofa with attached baby. Dummy and within 5 mins I was up and about

thestringcheesemassacre Wed 11-Sep-13 21:51:32

shit don't know what happened there.


monstergoose Wed 11-Sep-13 21:53:46

Hope you get a little rest this evening, my dd is nearly 7m old but this stage seems like yesterday! It is almost certainly a growth spurt, it will last a few days then settle down again but when you're in it it seems like it lasts forever!

I disagree with a pp, I prob wouldn't give a dummy, the point of the constant suckling is that it increases your milk supply so a dummy would stop that.

Feeding lying down is awkward to start with but worthwhile persisting trying as at least then you can rest your eyes at the same time! Have you tried lying on your side with your baby on her side too and kind of holding your lower boob at the right position til she latches on? If you put a pillow lengthways behind you and lean away from her a little you might get into a better position. Or you could try leaning over her slightly and feeding her off your upper boob as long as you don't then fall asleep and roll onto her.

If your nipples are getting sore the lanosin is your best friend, I only used it for a bit but when i needed it it really helped! If you are unsure about your latch you could try your local breast feeding cafe (run by the local authority not some random cafe!!) ours was in by a fab lady who in the space of 10 minutes improved our feeding so much!

Good luck for the rest of the evening, it will get better, and just remember whilst ever you are cuddling/feeding your baby girl you are helping to make her attachment to you stronger and stronger

catellington Wed 11-Sep-13 21:55:36

This sounds normal for a bf baby, i had no idea how hungry a newborn could be before confonted with my own tiny boob monster! My dd would also not be put down at that stage. Have a look at dr sears website for advice on putting down the unputdownable baby. It's exhausting for you but baby loves and needs mummy so much at this stage - but it really does get better and you gradually catch up on sleep. If you can get a few more days down the line with bf it may turn a corner and become easier, and in time be second nature.

I recommend chocolate or whatever treats you want, I also found it better to do something whilst feeding to keep my mind occupied because I didn't like accidentally nodding off whilst feeding. So box sets, MN, etc or something else nice for you to do on sofa or in bed. And yes i agree it would be good for someone to hold baby for a bit while you sleep, even if just for an hour, I was lucky to have my dm to do this but I have a friend whose neighbour actually offered to help after hearing the baby crying!

Tigresswoods Wed 11-Sep-13 21:56:57

I've said it on here before & I'll say it again:

Nobody tells you that there will be a day in the first week (or so) when your baby will feed around the clock.

It's the hardest day but they are establishing feeding.

You go girl!

nilbyname Wed 11-Sep-13 21:58:28

Have you tried a wrap sling? Stuck dd in there all snug, she might cry for a sec while you get her in there, the have a little walk, pat her and keep talking. She should settle.

Also, yes to a dummy, try and do the switcheroo on her, gentle ease your nipple out and get the dummy in.

Go to bed both of you with tops off for lots of skin to skin, use extra pillows to support feeding on your side, one behind the small of your back, one in front of your tummy.

Call in favours from keen grannies, meals on wheels and pram pushing! Give yourself a 30 minute break xxx

Good luck, sometimes you just have crazy days like that, welcome to parenthood!

janetaylia Wed 11-Sep-13 21:59:51

this has taken me back 13 years to when DD was born! the dummy was deployed at exactly 10 days for this exact reason. once comforting was sorted, it became apparent that she was HUNGRY NOW YES RIGHT NOW. we did formula for last feed of the evening and it got better from there.

i will admit to being so exhaustec at 1am one endless night that i just put her on the sofa and said in a huge fit of weep 'what do you WANT???'. you need sleep. all of you. i really feel for you. brew

Sparklyboots Wed 11-Sep-13 22:02:19

Poor you, you must be knackered. Have a babymoon? Basically go to bed with a stack of DVDs, a massive supply of food, and arrange any and all help towards bringing you teas, cake and managing the housework. It means you are both in situ should a sleep opportunity arise, you get lots of skin contact to help with establishing supply, and you make a glorious snuggly event out of an otherwise hard time.

You may be in a growth spurt which will end in 24-36 hrs- the extra sucking and crying ups the supply so don't worry that it's all going wrong - it's temporary. If she's especially sucky beyond that, consider cranial oesteopathy - not sure of spelling- but basically she might have birth related skull discomfort which is relieved by sucking (& so the theory goes cranial osteowhatever it is). If lying down is the problem, reflux may be an issue so propping her up to sleep may help? & if she's just very tactile and after contact, get a sling - a stretchy Moby saved us at this stage!

Whatever it is, it's going to be over in a flash, honestly - though I appreciate that may seem hard to believe during these long early nights. Do get good bf support - la leche etc will even send someone round if you're struggling. Co-sleeping at this stage is not a long term decision, just get yourself through the nights for now. My first screamed from 6pm-2am the first 3 weeks, then it went steadily down in duration- by 8 weeks I could put him down for the night barring two very sleepy feeds. My 2nd has been much less screamy but it's only recently that she's been behaving as if evening is evening and day is day iyswim. Haven't panicked because I look at my first and can't believe how quickly it all went!

Good luck babe, everyone's rooting for you.

BonaDea Wed 11-Sep-13 22:03:11

Oh bless you. Your baby is so tiny still. No one told me this before but honestly these first few weeks are just the hardest thing ever. I remember trying to sit down to eat something at around the two week mark and DS starting to cry for milk as soon as I lifted my fork. I wept.

I absolutely promise you that this wont last. The first few weeks are just about survival for all of you and it will get better daily.

Don't give up breastfeeding just because of this set back.

This too shall pass. Congratulations!

SweetSeraphim Wed 11-Sep-13 22:07:44

Oh it's just shit at the beginning, so, so hard. I wish I could just take your dd away for a few hours so you can have a good kip. It makes everything so much harder, the relentless lack of rest. Bless you.

PacificDogwood Wed 11-Sep-13 22:08:07

Dr Jack Newman - my BFing hero. Saved my BF 'career' more than once

KellyMom - Do Mother's have to love BFing 24 hrs a day?

Dr Sears Fussy Baby - when I read this it felt like he knew DS1.

Lots of good advice on here.
Hope you get over this 'bump' soon.

BigW Wed 11-Sep-13 22:14:27

Much love to you and congratulations on the birth of your DD. There are so many things that I didn't realise about the early days of motherhood, especially when trying to establish breastfeeding. It's so much harder than you can ever imagine. The emotional side is exhausting too. But it will pass. You are doing really well. It gets easier, I absolutely promise.

Everyone will tell you the same thing and you won't entirely believe us because it's all too foggy at the moment and you can't really see past tonight, let alone to coming months.

Keep doing it, one feed at a time. And give her a dummy!!


wickeddevil Wed 11-Sep-13 22:23:02

Hi and congratulations.

I agree with posters saying an emergency FF might help you to maintain your sanity (and your bf) by giving you a brief respite.

Mad as this sounds it is normal for babies to cry..... Bloody hard if your their mum, but you can put them down and have a wee and a drink. I was really rubbish at that the first time.

A nice thing to try is for you to give you LO a massage and get your DH/DP to sit behind you and massage you at the same time. This can help to de-stress all three of you.

Good luck x

CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 23:15:40

Thank you all for the replies, I really appreciate it. Will try to answer as much as I can but apologies if I miss anything. Thanks for the links.

She went down for 40 mins so we were able to get a little snooze and I feel better for it. Amazing what a difference a few minutes can make. She did an enormous reassuring poo as well.
She has just fed properly for half an hour and gine back to sleep. i think I am going to try the dummy if she gets very fussy again.

We have seen a breastfeeding practitioner and they said her latch is fine. Planning on going to the local breastfeeding cafe tomorrow afternoon

With the growth spurt/ building up supply- would that still be so if she isn't actually drinking?

Midwives haven't done the pnd questions but I think this is just normal first time mum worry. I've got a history of depression and it doesn't feel the same and most of the time I really enjoy my little girl. I'm just exhausted.

Half believe those of you that say it will get better smile

Sparklyboots Wed 11-Sep-13 23:34:26

I was told that that non-drinking fluttery sucking is part of helping to.establish supply. I with whom I really struggled to establish supply, and one baby who was a dream - didn't even lose any weight at birth. Differences were that I was more relaxed an got more sleep because I properly took the advice to sleep.when she was sleeping. My advice would therefore be, do whatever it take to have you as relaxed.and.rested as is possible, but don't sweat too much because they come how they come.and there's a.limit to what you can do to Change.what kind of baby they are.

Apols for.the typos - feed typing!

MissAntithetic Wed 11-Sep-13 23:37:54

Sounds pretty normal to me (sorry I used to hate it when people told me that!!)

Things I found helped were;

Sleeping little as often as possible (wasn't evough but kept me away from dangerous sleep deprivation)

Lots of food.

Lots of fluids


Feeding laying down

A vibraty rocker was a god send! Was the only place I could put her down for 5 minutes!

I know it seems impossible. When my dd was 2 weeks old I screamed at my dp at 2am to go get me some fucking formula from Tesco. He refused. Took the baby from me and ordered me to sleep. She didn't like it but he managed to keep her relatively quiet for 3 hours.

I still bf now at 12 months.

I found a dummy worked well for the times when I just couldn't take it any more but the rest of the time I let her suck. By four weeks it was calming, little peak again for a few days at 6 weeks and it continued getting better.

MissAntithetic Wed 11-Sep-13 23:38:39

Oh and she refused the dummy once she was 4 months old

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