Anyone else? DD almost 3 yet I?m still in process of realising the things I can?t do any more and also realising it will not get easier to do these things as she grows up (as we had been led to believe by other parents), but possibly even harder.
Most days fine, and partner too, but says he feels resentful when child is naughty or difficult. Realised I just feel bit sad when I hear someone say they?re doing a 10km run at the weekend or going to ride 5 days in the Alps or even just go on family holiday. We haven?t been away since child was 7 MO, and know we can never do any of these things again, not even go on holiday in the UK for another year or two (cant afford it due to childcare costs). I run at lunchtimes at work but it?s only ever about 6-7km at most as I have a one hour break and need to shower and change after running. I cycle commute 4 days a week and ride 50 miles Saturday most weeks (weather dependent so a lot less in winter) but obviously this is a tiny fraction of what I used to do (which was about 250 miles a week plus 2 or 3 x 2-hour track sessions). I miss scenery, camaraderie, experience and sheer joy of cycling. I miss the velodrome too - I miss the thrill and exhilaration afterwards and the intense concentration that was completely relaxing as it necessarily and completely blocked out any other thought. I can?t do it now as it?s all evening sessions after 7pm, so would miss teatime and bedtime, as I?d have to go straight from work and wouldn?t see DD that day, but the other reason is also because I am dog-tired all the time. This is the main reason I can?t run after 8pm when DD is in bed. Also found running in dark with no street lighting difficult anyway; it was icy in winter, so ended up running frustratingly slowly on road, peering into darkness trying to make out where the ice was and dodging cars. Was also shattered as couldn?t get to sleep straight after run, so gave up on that idea.
Part of the sadness about all this may be due to the fact that the time I was actually able to do these things was very short (mostly due to financial circumstances and ill-health) ? max of 2-3 years, so there are things I will now never do that I now wish I had, but you can?t do everything in 2-3 years anyway. Does anyone else get this? Find it hard to maintain fitness now as some weeks I am so knackered I simply feel I can?t do it and end up not doing any exercise at all, then feel more lethargic and down and start to get very grumpy with people. This is definitely the case pre-menstrual, when I am so tired I can?t do much for the whole of the week before period.
Of course I wouldn?t want to not have my daughter and I am definitely not miserable or depressed. Often have moments of fun with child whom I love dearly. Mostly life is planning next week?s meals for freezer, packing child?s bag/lunch/snacks etc plus my own for next day, writing shopping lists, planning next farm/park/family visit and constant clock-watching of week-day teatime/bedtime stuff ? otherwise it?s impossible to get DD out of bed on time in the morning. This keeps you going but there is no joy in it. The immense fatigue that is nothing to do with lack of sleep and actually gets worse, not better after the tiny-baby stage are something no one really talks about either. I do find the daily-dash to bedtime keeps me going, as there is so much to do in short space of time every week-day and weekends are about getting ready for the next week too. But I still miss exercise, sheer joy, and the feeling of waking up refreshed after a night of unbroken sleep - realise now I took all of this for granted. IF any of it ever happens again I?ll make sure to be immensely happy and grateful for it whilst it lasts?.
Lesson learned!
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24 replies
gourd · 29/08/2013 11:46
OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator ·
29/08/2013 14:36
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