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Do you love your husband more or kids more

(128 Posts)
mommytobe234 Sun 04-Aug-13 23:21:13

Just curious to know , plus i am bored. Thanks

kiwik Mon 05-Aug-13 00:17:21

My DH. We have to love one another long after the children will have grown up and moved out.
I adore my children, but love my DH.

Although if I really had to choose it would be the cat...

mommytobe234 Mon 05-Aug-13 00:18:32

On the side note. I remember seeing a survey in which 75 % of the fathers said, they would choose their wives over their kids.

Maybe its different for men ?

clam Mon 05-Aug-13 00:27:03

At this precise moment, none of them. They're all doing my head in.

chattychattyboomba Mon 05-Aug-13 00:43:23

Mommytobe, definitely different for men! A mother's love is like no other!

TerraNotSoFirma Mon 05-Aug-13 00:54:16

I love the DC more, much more.
DH says he loves us all the same smile

ravenAK Mon 05-Aug-13 01:26:13

Kids. Obviously.

Given limited seats in a hypothetical lifeboat after the Titanic went down, say, I'd kick dh out without hesitation to allow room for the dc.

The fact that he would think this entirely reasonable (& drag me out of the same lifeboat to save the kids with equal lack of hesitation) is one of the reasons why I do love him.

I think if he loved me more than the dc, I'd find that quite weird & really rather chilling.

We are two adults who chose each other - & to be blunt wouldn't've ever ended up together if, for example, my previous dh hadn't died, or if dh hadn't happened to finish with his ex-gf a few months before he & I met - either of us could quite easily now be married to someone else.

However much we love each other -each of us is one of several possibilities in the other's life.

Whereas my children are my flesh & blood - it's a visceral connection, totally different to any I might have with a partner (even their dad!).

Longdistance Mon 05-Aug-13 01:30:19

My dds. Dh can be more of a pain in the arse than my dds, and they're 2 and 4.

He's like a third child, but harder work.

WinkyWinkola Mon 05-Aug-13 01:30:31

Different kind of love.

But dh is an adult. If the dcs need me/us, they come first.

So if there's a fire/water problem, dh and I are responsible for ourselves and saving the dcs. Not each other at the cost of the dcs.

SummerRain Mon 05-Aug-13 01:31:43

The kids.

As does he, we've had this conversation between ourselves.

It wouldn't even be a choice, my kids are my flesh and blood, I'd protect them with my life. I'd be devastated to lose dp but I wouldn't die for him, whereas I'd die for my children.

If it was a choice between saving them or saving him it wouldn't even be a choice tbh, he'd be dead.

NoComet Mon 05-Aug-13 01:33:37

I need DH more than my DDs, one day they will leave home and I hope he'll still be here.

I married my first love and my best friend, it's a different sort of love to that I have for my DDs.

NoComet Mon 05-Aug-13 01:34:36

I'm not sure I'd die for any of them, I'm scared of dying.

BeyonceCastle Mon 05-Aug-13 01:45:11

Love them all but if God forbid I am ever given the choice between saving my husband or saving my kids I'm saving the kids or dying trying.

This is a deal-breaker and DH would do the same albeit with his caveate that if it's between the two of us then he saves me as the kids need me more. Which I don't agree with as he is by far the more patient parent but he thinks I would cope better wink

He was also told that if there was a choice between saving me or DC3 when giving birth I wanted him to save DC3 (who is fine btw and bf along merrily) to which he pointed out: that's all well and good but what will DC1 and DC2 do without you? As it happens I daresay that medical staff are trained to save who they can best save full stop.

As a parent you want your children to survive you. That's a fierce protective instinct not even unconditional love. It just is. You'd fight tigers for your kids. My dh is always at pains to remind me that if a plane goes down you do the oxygen on yourself first to better rescue your offspring. We were taught the same kind of risk assessment at St.John's - if you suspect danger from fumes for example you steer clear as you cannot save someone if you need saving yourself...

Can kind of understand why Kate Winslett and her ex husband used to fly separately so if plane crashed there was always a parent left over.

This is cheery isn't it?! grin

DaleyBump Mon 05-Aug-13 01:52:01

I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant and already love the little wriggly boy in my belly more than anything. I don't think my DP would understand that, especially since he's not actually born yet grin can't wait until he's here!!

Seenenoughtoknow Mon 05-Aug-13 02:11:05

DC's without a doubt - as K8Middleton said - love for DC's is unconditional where as love for DH is conditional.

Seenenoughtoknow Mon 05-Aug-13 02:13:55

Badroly makes a very good point though...I wonder if the feelings will change as the DC's grow up and leave home.

AnxiousAugusta Mon 05-Aug-13 02:24:09

I love DH and DD equally and think some of you sound like loons

princessbliss2 Mon 05-Aug-13 09:38:00

In reading the comments of those who say they love their children more, I am utterly shocked. With out that man, whom I can honestly say I hope you love passionately and deeply enough to have create a child with him, there would be no child! I am glad to see the comments about the love being "different" therefore not loving one over the . For me, yes, I love my daughter so incrediably much, that sometimes it surprises me that this little person holds so much of my love. That being said, however, it DOES NOT diminish my love for my husband in the slightest. This is the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with, the one person that I trust enough to embark on the incrediable journey of parenthood with. How could that not infact, make my love for him swell and grow? I love my daughter as her mother, but I love my husband as his wife. Two completely different and seperate parts of my life that come together to make up who I am as a person. In the end your children will leave you. From day one that is what you are raising them in preperation for. After they are gone the one person that will remain is your husband. So love him, not more, but differently and respect that love for what it is!

peteypiranha Mon 05-Aug-13 09:41:55

I love them all the same. My dh because he is like the other part of a jigsaw piece that fits with me. Hes my best friend, we have grown up together and I have spent no part of my adult life without him. Hes been there through everything, and I love and lust over him as much as the day I first set eyes on him. We provide a solid family unit which I had with my own family, and has helped me have a great marriage and always feel secure so he is just as important as our children.

The children I love the same as dh, and as dh no favourites here. They have totally different personalities, but have things I love in both of them.

mummysbigsmiles Mon 05-Aug-13 10:54:04

grin StarBallBunny

middleclassdystopia Mon 05-Aug-13 10:55:01

I love mine the same but differently.

I wouldn't choose dh over dc though. If they needed saving of course I would save dc first. I think losing dc would destroy me more than losing dh.

But, dc will leave and lead their own life (hopefully) and whilst I will still be there dh will always be by my side, my companion.

Bowlersarm Mon 05-Aug-13 10:57:29

Love my DH more probably.

But would die for my kids.

It's a different love, not really comparable.

motherinferior Mon 05-Aug-13 10:57:36

Most of us have a series of different partners. Children, not so much.

AnxiousAugusta Mon 05-Aug-13 11:31:57

Eh? Most people (not me) have more than one child. Do they love one child more than the others?

LunaticFringe Mon 05-Aug-13 11:39:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyonceCastle Mon 05-Aug-13 11:42:51

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