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Things your toddler says that fill you with dread....

(134 Posts)
meso Fri 02-Aug-13 08:53:07

ie this morning my toddler said 'Mummy my tiara fell in the toilet but its ok, I took it out again'

Obviously said with tiara now back on her head...... hmm

countrymummy13 Tue 06-Aug-13 10:27:01

Hilarious thread!!

Yesterday 3yo said "Daddy, DS is drinking your wine". Rush in to living room to find 18 month old with red wine all over his chops! shock (idiot DH!! angry)

Plus "Mummy, I haven't had an accident so you just stay there"

Solopower1 Mon 05-Aug-13 19:21:45

Just remembered another one. When my granddaughter (just 3) was asked 'Where do you live?' she answered 'Planet earth' - just like a sarky teenager.

grin at Mymatemax

ICBINEG Mon 05-Aug-13 11:58:44

Ahhha! I have got it!

It's frigging Mr. Potato from frigging peppa pig isn't it....

Altogether now!

"up down up down shake it all around. Mr. Potato is coming to town."

Gods I hate that program....

RabbitsarenotHares Mon 05-Aug-13 11:13:46

ICBINEG - shake it up and come down...?

ICBINEG Mon 05-Aug-13 09:44:02

Oh - thank you for the suggestions!

"urr dah urrr dah ma pa cuma ta." became

"urr dah urrr dah shek iiiiit ma pa cuma ta." over the weekend - and it now has dance moves....

"urr dah" is definitely "up down" from the dance. "Shek iiiit" has a bum wiggle associated...the rest has a little arm waving but nothing identifiable...

It is going to be some sort of toddler TV thing....possibly from Charlie and Lola...

Happily as long as I join in the dance and smile, DD no longer seems irate that I am not getting the not such a source of dread for me any more!

mummy2benji Mon 05-Aug-13 09:12:12

Ah another gem this morning... After dd2 has crawled about the downstairs, depositing small amounts of sick.

Ds1 (4): "Mummy! I found some sick in the hall! Don't worry, I got some of it up."

Me: "Oh... what with?"

Ds1: "With the tablecloth."

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Mon 05-Aug-13 08:48:23

It was always silence with DD too. Then if she got caught there would be a frozen pause followed by a huge cute smile, arms up and 'Cuddle?'.

ICBINEG - Oh dear, oh dear, Ma, Pa, come, ta?

bigbuttons Mon 05-Aug-13 08:26:16

When ds3 was 2-3, he asked endless questions, endless. I would desperately try and answer them'correctly'. However, if the answer I gave didn't match with with the one he had in his head or if I dared to say "I don't know" he would shout " No, you're saying the wrong words, say the right words"

chattychattyboomba Mon 05-Aug-13 00:05:06

Benji's mum... Bahaha!!!!!
Caught DD eating a tampon the other day while the satellite dish guy was over to install a new dish...

mymatemax Sun 04-Aug-13 23:48:56

DS2 - Mum ds1 told me Im not allowed to tell you something but I cant remember what it is.

Ds1, Mum you know your vase!

thatsalovelyhat Sun 04-Aug-13 23:42:53

'Oops.' That's what I dread. Oops.

ICBINEG, urr dah urrr dah ma pa cuma ta??? Context? Singing, pointing? Time or place specific? I'd love to know what this one is so if you have a lightbulb moment do post!

We had 'blah blah whiny incomprehensible' from the back of the car. 'What's that, young Hat?' 'Blah blah whiny incomprehensible' again ... and repeat several times, with DC getting crosser and crosser until she managed to snarl 'I NOT FEELING TOO GAND!' - grand - as it turns out we must say when a bit poorly, but never really noticed until she picked it up.

mummy2benji Sun 04-Aug-13 23:30:21

Ds1 sitting on the sofa in the bank, by a queue of people, while I am paying in cheques and half keeping an eye on him:

"Squeak squeak SQUEAK! Look Mummy, a mouse!"

Turn round to find he has found a tampon in my bag, shredded it, and has been waving it by the string, watched by a number of amused Barclays customers....

jollyjester Sun 04-Aug-13 21:35:54

My DH was drying DD (aged 2) hair with his towel. Im weird about towels so stupidly said to DH 'don't use that towel you dry your sweaty ball bag with that.'

Cue DD asked 'what does that mean?' And cause I ignored her she has ran about all day shouting 'sweaty ball bag'

Gonna have to watch my language and hope she forgets before going to CM tomorrow!!

lola88 Sun 04-Aug-13 18:50:50

DN once told her nursery teacher she was going to be a slapper girl for halloween and have a wee skirt and make up... she meant a flapper girl because i was dressing as one for a party. Being asked to stay behind and told why a slapper is not appropriate for a 3yo was bad sad

chattychattyboomba Sun 04-Aug-13 18:23:48

"Nema mind. Dat's ok." DD 2y3m Repeating what I tell her when she has an accident in her pants.
Last time this happened she had painted the white carpet in her room with poo and trod in it, all the way up the white carpeted stairs.
I'm LOVING potty training. Not.

Whistleforit Sun 04-Aug-13 18:16:21

3 yo has in last week started yelling poo-poo-ca-caaaaa all the time (ideas on how to discourage welcomed).

'Mummy I love my new swimming teacher Lucas because he is brown'. This is at holiday club so I don't know Lucas.

Solopower1 Sun 04-Aug-13 14:10:14

My son, when trying to prove the existence of God - as you do - assured his friends that he could see God's great big nose poking out from behind the clouds.

'I won't do that again!' (Said as toddler was just about to do that again).
'I want too much!' (Said in open rebellion against me telling my mother, 'Don't give her too much.').

My grand daughter (4) asked me: 'Where do dead people go?' When I said I didn't know, she told me that her friend had a dead daddy and granddad, and she said dead people go and lie down in a room full of dead people.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Sun 04-Aug-13 14:08:25

"I want to do it myself" basically means the task I have in mind will now take 1 hour longer than normal.

"I want to throw the baby across the room when it comes out" I don't think she would but I don't trust her.

SerahSonika Sun 04-Aug-13 10:01:17

My DD's (10) first word was 'Damn it!' and 'F**k off mummy' and 'I'm going play with dildo' (she meant the LEGO Duplo) blush

whenhenshaveteeth Sun 04-Aug-13 08:08:00

When DS1 was around he used to call anyone of a "certain age", granny or grandpa (thanks Peppa). A few times I pretended I just didn't know whose child it was and walked on but, dissatisfied by my reaction DS1, would then take my hand and get me right in front of the person and point "grandpa"! When they were 60 or so it was ok as they'd laugh and say they were indeed grandpa/granny to someone. Not so fun when the person was barely 30, especially when you're in the GP waiting room...

Still DS1: he's unbeatable on all things cars and can recognise all the different badges (yawn, yawn). His father taught him by getting him to memorise the different logos like one's a lion with wings (Vauxall?), one is a diamond ect. When it came to Land Rovers DH told him "oh, don't worry, that's just a boring one" because it's just a badge with Land Rover on it. Now whenever DS1 sees one he goes with his foghorn of a voice: "oh no mummy, Land Rover, that's just the boooooooooring one"! And do you know how often he's done that while the owner of the given car is standing next to it? Very.

Recently he also told one of his little friends that her mummy had a baby in her tummy, when she obviously hadn't. M.O.R.T.I.F.I.E.D

LilQueenie Sun 04-Aug-13 00:47:25

"Oh No"
"It falled" when she deliberately drops something.
"NNNGGGG Its heavy" can be anything from a toy to trying to roll her daddy off the bed onto the floor.

LongStory Sat 03-Aug-13 22:55:31

"Daddy!!!" spoken to a random stranger.

Referring to "him" who is usually a woman.

I have got used to this now (it still happens, he's 4). I have some good comeback retorts. (e.g. "No, that's the other daddy").

Maggietess Sat 03-Aug-13 22:54:13

This is my favourite thread ever. No arguments or disagreements, just lots of lols. I love toddlers!

Longo Sat 03-Aug-13 21:58:13

"I didn't mean to" feels me with dread.
Last time she had cut the cats fur to its skin!!

maidmarian2012 Sat 03-Aug-13 20:54:38

DS aged nearly 3 says "I don't want you to look at me" usually when he has pooed himself/somewhere. It is rare but he says it every time, like he is genuinly ashamed!! Bless him, he has done so well getting out of nappies and the odd accident is inevitable, he knows this.

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