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My 11 year old daughter can't talk about anything real but she never stops talking!!

(9 Posts)
MargeSimpsonz Wed 31-Jul-13 09:46:21

I went for a walk with her yesterday. It took us an hour to get there, we had lunch, we walked home. It would have been nice, if we had talked about anything remotely to do with her. That was the point of the trip. To give her some time on her own 1:1

She talked about episodes of Malcolm in the middle or Modern Family. She talked about Carly Rae Jepson and the words to various songs, and she asked what they meant confused and other constant banal ramblings. Every time there was a pause, I tried to steer the conversation back to her. Her feelings about her relationship with her brother (who has autism) her feelings about secondary school, her physical development, her friendships, her relationship with her father, her upcoming trip to see him soon.............. just something to do with us, our family , or her, but nothing. It's all slebchat. No matter how hard I dug, I couldn't get her to talk about anything REAL.

I feel like she is all hot air! does anybody know what I mean?? Is she keeping me at a distance? consciously or unconsciously?

chickensaladagain Wed 31-Jul-13 09:53:56

She's 11

Deep and meaningful conversations cannot be manufactured

Talking about issues in tv shows and songs and then reading between the lines is often the way to go

It's very difficult for adults to articulate feelings on sensitive issues, such as her father -I presume from your post he is your ex?

The excited chatting about nothing sounds like she was excited to be with you and have your attention so your aim of spending 1:1 time with her was, from her perspective, a success

cq Wed 31-Jul-13 09:56:55

Sympathy Marge - I have a 12 yr old DD who similarly talks non-stop from the minute she wakes up till the minute she goes to bed! Except when watching TV. She also likes to regale me with stories of Friends or whatever other twaddle she's been watching.

If I try and ask her anything meaningful I usually get a 'dunno' or a shrug. However, just sometimes, when we're on our own, she will open up and have a proper conversation. Rare though.

Sometimes they don't know where to start. So I might talk about feelings I had when I was 12, or things I did then, so it's easier then for her to say 'But I think......'

Also I try and watch things with her sometimes, so we can talk about what happened and how we would have done things differently. Very tempting to be getting on with other stuff though while she's happily watching TV.

I think the important thing is just to keep the lines of communication open.

And I think at this age they are a mix of emotions - DD is definitely trying to keep me at a distance sometimes, but other times desperate to talk to me about stuff - no other female in the house so she's forced into it!

piratecat Wed 31-Jul-13 10:00:09

oh god, i think it's normal. mine has been talking about Take that for 2 yrs.

it's ridiculous.

mumofthemonsters808 Wed 31-Jul-13 10:01:32

With my DD the nonsense talk is always worse during the school holidays, my reasoning is that she off loads on her friends and I cop for it in their absence. Her favourite topic of conversation is her Simms game. There is only so much enthusiasm I can master for a fantasy game, but I do try.

DuchessFanny Wed 31-Jul-13 10:05:59

oh good, i see it's normal !! I took my 12 yo DS out, just us to have some quality time together and a talk .... nothing doing ! He barely uttered a word, but get him on the subject of minecraft or his xbox and he can talk the hind legs off a donkey !!

However, i do seem to be able to get the DS's to talk more if i'm say, driving, as they tell me about their day as i drive along, i guess it's because i'm distracted by having to concentrate and i guess they feel it is less 'formal' ?

DowntonTrout Wed 31-Jul-13 10:08:21

My 11 yo DD is the same. Not sure if meaningful stuff is kept deeply hidden or if she just doesn't think about stuff like that.

She just rattles on, and on, quite often jumping from one subject to another without any warning. It's as if she has no filter between what's in her head and what she says. I can tell her mind is going a million miles an hour and I often have to ask her to stop and backtrack so that I can understand what she's talking about. Because she's thought it, she seems to think I have read her mind and can follow her train of thought!

It is utterly exhausting.

MargeSimpsonz Wed 31-Jul-13 10:11:17

phew, i'm glad it's not me/her.

Chickensaladagain, you're right, thank you, from her pov it was a success I think. I managed to feign interest in what she was talking about. Occasionally in the past, a sigh has slipped out. A quiet one. But she gets so mad with me and yells "repeat what I just said!" and it was something to do with katy Perry and I try and repeat it back to her but I miss a bit and she's angry with me. But at that point she has been talking all day and I'm addled. Truly addled.

I guess you're right, deep and meaningful can't be manufactured. Maybe I will try and tell her how I felt at her age.

Yes, her father is my x and I encourage her right to have a relationship with him. he is nice to her. Was an arse to me but it was years ago. I don't care now, so really, she could talk about her holiday with him if she wanted to. But I know she won't!

Argh.... will just try and keep lines of communication open and sit and watch her tv/dvds with her. have watched mean girls a few times with her and yeh, I can't resist commenting guiding her on what I think is wise behaviour or destructive behaviour.

Chiggers Thu 01-Aug-13 13:35:05

I can understand your DD, but mostly because I was like that at her age. I rambled and wittered about everything and anything but myself. I hated and didn't talk to my parents about how I was feeling and I refused to speak about what happened to me in general. 99% of the time I was found in my room keeping to myself. I rarely spoke during mealtimes and would get on with eating my dinner in silence.

Sometimes there isn't anything much to talk about and she could just be uncomfortable with silence and so she talks non-stop about mundane thing to avoid the silence.

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