Help me go somewhere with my baby. ANYWHERE.(56 Posts)
Typing on an apple device so apologies in advance for the inevitable inappropriate autocorrects...
I have a 7 week old DD. I had an EMCS so I've spent a fair amount of time on the sofa. Roughly 7 weeks, give or take... I am about to spontaneously combust from boredom but I'm being a great big tit about leaving the house with my baby, thus:
- I can't take her in the car. I daren't. I'm getting 4.5 hours of sleep every night and I can't seem to nap during the day. Sometimes I'm so tired I nearly fall off the toilet, I despair of ever trusting myself to drive in the car. Is there any way around this - what do other sleep deprived parents do? The issue is made more tricky by the fact that I was a fairly new driver pre DD and I really don't like driving, I'm always scared I'm going to crash.
- I don't understand how I can have DD with me on public transport. Don't they make you fold up your buggy? So how do you possibly do that with one hand and not drop your baby? Is it easier than my over active imagination is making it out to be? I am so scared I'll drop her. And what about at train stations, most of them round me have lifts, in a way that means they can advertise they have lifts, but you practically need to write in advance to ensure there will be someone around on the day to unlock the thing so you can use it. Do you call the station beforehand and see if they have operational lifts or do they expect you to carry the buggy with one hand and the baby with the other up various flights of stairs?
- Where is good to go with a baby that needs to be fed every 2.5 hours?
Any advice greatly received.
Is there anywhere near you that you can take her too in her pram? Asliw walk? What about a nearby coffee shop? But a magazine, slow walk to coffee shop & chill out with a coffee (and a huge slice of cake!) for an hour?
Or else could you ask a friend to drive you somewhere? Maybe out for lunch if you fed her before you went?
Do you have a sling/baby carrier? You don't have to even think about folding buggy up if you use one of them. Only downside is having to carry your change bag and any shopping etc rather than bunging it in the basket.
Is staying local an option? Take her out for a walk to the park? Go for a picnic, enjoy the warm weather?
What about a children's centre, do you have one nearby? Lots of baby groups to attend.
Whereabouts do you live?
Most busses have room for a couple of prams, as long as they are not needed by a wheelchair.
When my partner was on paternity I got him to come on a bus with me into the centre of the town I live, so I had an extra pair of hands while I figured out how to get the pram on and off.
Could you ask a friend to do a bus run with you so you get to see how easy it is?
I only walked places at that age - you need to manufacture reasons to leave the house. To the butchers for sausages for yes, or to the post office to get stamps, or to baby massage etc. Pottering is what it's about; I was amazed how many people stop and chat in the day, peer into the pram, hold doors open and generally are nicer in the daytime! That way you can also be out and back before feeds start to be an issue. Is there a supermarket cafe near you? Somewhere low key is good but you feel like you've been out is your best bet for a first trip out.
Where are you based? I'm in south London.
Buses will usually take two prams, unless the space is needed for a wheelchair. If the space is full I usually wait for the next bus - or walk!
The train stations in London with lifts don't lock the lifts, nor do the Underground stations.
Try a park, do a web search for baby activities - baby yoga or massage / baby and toddler drop-ins (often in a church hall). Have a look for local Children's Centres who may run groups. Or a One O'Clock group (often in parks).
I'd also suggest using a sling or baby carrier if you have one. I used to walk all over the place with my little ones sleeping soundly while I had a coffee in a cafe etc. At 7 weeks they love feeling that close to you and will happily snuggle up for a sleep.
Look at the Local section on here and see if your area has any meet-ups.
Good luck and get out there!
I had similar worries about needing to fold the pram so put the front-carrier in the basket. Then I hat somewhere to put ds if forced to collapse the pram.
Never used it except at a national trust place where I'd known beforehand prams couldn't go, but felt more confident having the option.
And congratulations. You'll get the hang of it soon.
Whereabouts do you live in relation to other people/places? I did a lot of very small trips (still do tbh!) so I would pop out in the morning to get milk and then the afternoon to get petrol/walk to the river/go to Starbucks etc. I've not really used public transport with DS as I've not had to, apart from the train a few times.
WRT driving I found that you actually get used to a certain amount of sleep deprivation and then it's actually ok. I had an EMCS as well and was pretty knocked for six for the first few weeks and then settled into the sleep deprivation and got used to it and felt more confident and able to drive.
Again most buses have space for 2 prams unless it's needed for a wheelchair so you wont have to automatically fold up the pram.
It is daunting your first trip out with a very young baby but you'll be surprised at how easy it is. I've travelled with my 2 at that age on the tube and mainline trains and people have always been super helpful.
I went wherever really. Beach, cafes, places with my friends, pub, restaurant etc. Just take them wherever it will be fine. If your breastfeeding its easy as dont have to take much with you. If you go on train random people will help you, and you dont have to fold buggies up on bus.
Try your local children's centre. Could be walkable for you & you'll meet other parents & find out what's on near you
Buses, I haven't tried in case they want me to fold up the pram & I get flustered.
Trains; brilliant. People help me on & off - public & staff. They coo at the baby (my DD is 7 weeks too) & are kind & thoughtful IME.
Be kind to yourself, take it steady & enjoy!
Get a sling! Then you can go anywhere you like
Or just take a buggy, most buses will have room for one or two, if it's busy enough that you have to fold it up then there will be plenty of people to help. I have always found most people happy to lend a hand with buggy-carrying, folding, or baby-holding.
As for where to go - well babies that age are totally portable so go anywhere you like! Park, museum, woods, shops, cafe, whatever. Meet up with friends (if they're working, meet them for lunch). If you want to make friends with other new mums, look for baby groups in your area, libraries usually run free baby rhyme time sessions, Surestart might have activities if they're in your area.
Walk to the shop for a magazine or bread and milk, but go to the furthest one in walking distance.
Start off small, take a walk to the corner shop or a coffee place. Are there any baby groups near you? Could you go to one of them? Then there will be plenty of people feeding their babies so it doesn't matter if you miss time it.
Or go out just a very small distance in the car, say 5 minutes, and increase the time as you feel more confident.even just driving round the block might help
In this glorious weather a walk with the pram is brilliant. DD can snooze, you can stretch your legs and empty your mind. The PP was right, little trips to the shops and park where everyone can admire DD.
Then, when she's asleep practice collapsing the buggy with a bear in your arms.
Everyone's nice to new mums, even bus drivers.
Plan a trip for every couple of days: baby clinic, post office, baby group and build it up.
A sling was my saviour aftet both my emcs. That, and our Surestart centre. Thirty mins walk away, or 2 mins on bus. Far enough away to feel I' d been out, close enough not to panic!
Just go for a coffee, or the park, or a slow walk then you can get adventurous later x
Thank you all so much for your replies. I really need to give it a go and stop over thinking it. I'm used to living in big bustling cities and have only recently moved to a tiny village where there isn't even a bank, bit of a culture shock, so I'm still getting used to the necessity of driving and public transport when I fancy giving myself the treat of not driving. Lots of great ideas here, I think I need to bully myself out of the door tomorrow as soon as DD is fed and changed to give me time to not rush the trip out.
Aaaaaargh. I need a grown up!
Just start by strolling round the local streets for half an hour and build up your confidence
Yay another vote for a sling. I had a babasling ad loved it. You can hop on the bus, feed the baby really discreetly and pop off anywhere you like.
4.5 hours of sleep a night is unsustainable. Who can you rope in to help you get more sleep?
Yes, just go for a mooch about first if you can- is there a park? Then a small trip on a bus- build it up slow, go somewhere close and familiar. A bit like you are just testing the water and building up your confidence. You're trying lots of things for the first time especially if you've just had a big op, so just take the "I'm seeing how it goes" approach rather than the "I must do a massive day out successfully" approach.
At first it will feel like you are setting out up Mount Everest, trying to get the timing right and all the bazillions of things that you need, and then invariably just as you are walking out the door there will be a full nappy or a massive vomit and you'll need to start all over! Don't worry it happens to all of us.
Any baby groups or other local mums you know? Any friends with babies who could show you the ropes?
Village life can seem quite sleepy but even small places
Usually have the odd play group at the local village hall or church. Great place to meet other people who are in the same situation.
Are there any friendly neighbours or friends who can visit you? Sometimes find that having someone round is almost as good as getting out myself.
Would definitely recommend a sling - even when my dd is a bit grumpy she will usually be happy in the sling.
Good luck and if you need that extra motivation then babies that get fresh air are more likely to sleep better at night something to do with the melatonin
Noble, my current plan is that I need to win the lottery and employ staff... Not really sure what to do. The division of labour wasn't meant to be this way but starting from an EMCS, I never really got back on my feet enough to ask why I wasn't getting the support agreed on beforehand.
It's not forever though. I hope!
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