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Anyone had/have a 2.6 YO and a newborn? could do with some WORDS OF WISDOM lol

(32 Posts)
pucca Thu 01-Jun-06 10:17:58

I am starting to worry a little about how things will be when new baby is born (28 weeks pg atm) and how my dd who will be 2.6 YO will react.

Has anyone been there?

Any words of wisdom?

Also how is the best way to deal with my dd meeting the baby for the 1st time? is it a good idea to bring her into hospital to see us both? or will this be too upsetting? i.e mummy not leaving with her.

Would really appreciate any advice or pointers you can give.

Tia

robin3 Thu 01-Jun-06 10:22:43

Facing same situation in 3 weeks time...having consulted mnet I have -

Read Sibling Rivalry (very good book)
Book DS1 a dolly so he can look after a baby as well and we're going to start practicing changing nappies etc. on said doll in a weeks time.
Bought a pressie for baby to give him.
Plan to take him to buy pressie for baby.
Warned everyone that I'm going to need their help to entertain him and make him feel special.
And plan to bring him in to hospital when I leave so we can all leave together.
Also plan to not be holding baby when he arrives at hospital (as the books suggest).

Marne Thu 01-Jun-06 10:26:57

I have a 2.3 year old and a 3 month old, DD1 was fine when i bought dd2 home, she did'nt see her in the hospital we thought it would be easier to just bring her home.

hunkermunker Thu 01-Jun-06 10:27:06

"Discover" the baby together when you come home - did this with DS1 and there's not been one bit of jealousy from him - he loves his brother!

DS1 did come into hospital to see me with the baby, but DS2 was in the crib and DS1 had huge cuddles with me and DH took him home. DS1 didn't mind at all. He was a bit younger though when DS2 born, 21m.

You're probably talking to her now about the baby - I used to ask DS1 where "our baby" was and he'd kiss my tummy.

oliveoil Thu 01-Jun-06 10:30:55

We did the present from baby thing and I made sure that I made a HUGE fuss of dd1 when she came to the hospital.

I found the m/w did too - "ooooh are you the big sister? Isn't dd1 lucky to have you, will she be as gorgeous" etc etc which made her feel special.

Be prepared to feel like you are spliting yourself in 2 and being a crap mum to either the baby or your dd in the first few months. I felt guilty for dd1 if I was feeding dd2 or guilty if I ignored dd2 crying to play with dd1 etc etc

I remember realising that dd1 hadn't had her nappy changed since the mornig (it was about 4pm!) and cried and sobbed until dh brought me to my senses.

I had 22 months age gap and found it quite hard but it was my own fault for trying to be supermum, and prepare homemade nuggets and do finger painting etc when really I should have got out the frozen pizza and put Ceebeebies on.

expatinscotland Thu 01-Jun-06 10:34:28

Got DD1 a tshirt that read, 'I'm a Big Sister' for her to wear on the day DD2 arrived. I was in pain from contractions and it sort of frightened her, so DH got out the tshirt and told her it was time and that the baby would have a present for her when it arrived.

Had packed wrapped gift for DD1 in my hospital bag.

DH brought her over in the early evening and she met the baby and got her pressie.

Am lucky, however, in that she is still thrilled by her baby sister and although she's had some moments, for the most part she's pretty happy about DD2.

serenity Thu 01-Jun-06 10:37:19

Well, there's 2.4 years between DS1 and 2 and it all went fine ( a lot easier than I thought it would be!) and I didn't do anything special.

DS2 was induced so the night before DS1 went to stay with my BF who has similar age children, and who he loves going to see. I went in and had DS2 on the Saturday, and was home that night - decided to leave DS1 at BFs another night as he was having a great time. BF offered to drop him down on the Sunday morning, but I was really missing him by this point so I drove down to get him (with Dh and DS2 of course!) I did make sure I went in with Dh carrying DS2 so I could have a big hug with DS1 before showing him his new brother. Tbh he was very matter of fact and at that age it didn't take long before it was like DS2'd always been there (does that make sense?)

Toothyboy Thu 01-Jun-06 11:26:09

Ds1 was 2.10 when ds2 (now 3 months) was born. We started talking about the baby really early on in the pregnancy, always referring to it as "our baby", and that it was coming to join our family.

We talked a lot about what the baby would and wouldn't be able to do when it first arrived, and how I would have to go to the hospital for a few days. Ds1 had a choice whether he wanted to stay with his grandparents, or at home with daddy - he chose the grandparents!

I got him to help choose a stuffed toy for the baby, which he was to bring to the hospital the first time he came. We also bought a toy for him "from the baby".

So far he has adjusted remarkably well. Ds2 was tiny when he was born, so ds1 was reluctant to touch him - he's just starting to hold his hand and touch his legs. But still won't give him a kiss! There's no pressure - we'll just let him do it in his own time. He's also starting to show him his toys and try to make him smile. He tells me if ds2 is crying and makes little suggestions like "I think he's tired" or "I think he wants some milk" Surprisingly, he's often right!

I took him to some of my midwife appointments as well, so for months his favourite game was him being a midwife, where he'd measure my tummy and take my blood pressure!

I think what I'm basically saying is that we included him as much as possible and talked to him about as much as I thought he could understand - things seem to be working out fine.
He understands that his brother is going to get bigger, even worked out for himself that by Christmas time ds2 would be big enough to help us decorate the tree!

I'm sure it'll all be fine for you. Just try to make life as simple as possible for the first few months - like someone else said - Cbeebies and frozen pizza is definitely the way to go!
Good luck .

Ledodgyherring Thu 01-Jun-06 11:35:41

My dd was 2.8 when ds was born in November. My mil brought her to the hospital see us both, I made sure that i wasn't holding ds and he was in the hospital crib at the side of my bed, I needn't have worried she came in took one look at me and asked where the baby was lOl. When we took him home she was all excited then after a few hours she asked if it was time for him to go home, we told her he was home and she said "No I mean home to the hospital!" We have had some issues that are directly linked to her brother being born such as a regression in potty training which lasted two weeks then she was back in knickers again. There's still times when she gets a bit jealous of her brother especially if her dad is giving him attention and she will play up. However she also loves her brother to bits and looks after him lots. Yesterday morning for example I was pretending to be still asleep and she came into the bedroom where ds had just started to stir in his cot , she got some of her books and proceeded to "read" him stories for 30 minutes allowing me to doze! It is a learning curve and you are aware of trying to divide your time between two children which can be hard. Remember at first as long as babies are fed and cuddled thats all they need and the rest of your attention can be lavished on your first born.
I also bought the book 'There's a house inside my mummy' which is brilliant and well worth reading to your dd before the baby is born.

FlameBoo Thu 01-Jun-06 11:41:11

DD was 2.9 when DS was born.

We had a lot of bump bonding during the pregnancy - DD got to colour in the baby (washable felt tips on my bump), she washed the baby in the bath, and always gave it a kiss before bed.

I had a home birth, and DD stayed with my mum for the first few days, coming home to visit every day. This wouldn't work for everyone, but did for us (I think mainly because she got spoilt rotten ).

She had her present from DS when she first came to see him.

She was very very daddy-fied for the first few weeks - he was great, and mummy wasn't allowed to put her to bed etc. It did hurt, but then, I was the one who brought the noisy one into the house .

We let her have cuddles with him as often as she wanted.

I tried to read her stories/watch the dvds of her choice whilst I fed him, so that she didn't feel like she was dipping out.

She has been more easily moved to tears since he has come, but 13 weeks on, and she has forgiven me, and loves him to bits. She is still a bit possesive about daddy (he is hers and I am DS's), but is back to the happy little lady she was before, and is gradually coping with life better.

I cry when things overwhelm me, and I think that she does the same. My mum says that it was my way of getting attention and my own way, but I have no memory of that being my motive either as a child or now, its purely that there is just all too much stuff in my world, and it all leaks out.

(That last bit wasn't really relevant )

pucca Thu 01-Jun-06 11:42:03

Thanks for all the replies

I have spoken lots about the baby to my dd, that he will be her brother, and have said it is her baby and a friend for her, and we have spoken about how she will help out like with bathing him etc, shealso strokes my bump and feels him kick etc.

I am just not sure about the hospital thing really whether or not to let her come in to hospital or wait till i can go home to introduce them sort of thing, i have never been away from dd (SAHM) and i think she will find it very hard me not being at home iykwim, and i am worried that if she does come intothe hospital she will be distraught when i don't leave with her

The other factor is i am having a elective c-section so obviously i will have to be in hospital for a few days.

Another thing is how is she likely to react to the baby? is it likely she will ignore him, or be intrigued by him? not sure what to expect tbh.

Thanks again.

CMac Thu 01-Jun-06 11:52:59

Ds is one week old today so we're still in the very early stages but so far so good! (DD is 2.3). I had a section so was in hospital for 4 days. Dh brought Dd in to visit on day 2 (once I had been detached from drips etc which I thought might scare her). She was fine in hosp but did get a little upset when she left and realised I wasn't coming too. It was pretty horrible for me as well - esp with post birth hormones raging!! She was fine as soon as she got home though and I think it might have been more upsetting not to have seen me atall for 4 days...

As for jealousy she's been fine so far - not too bothered with her little brother either way really! We did the present exchange which was good and we're just making sure she has lots of attention. Early days though - my mum is still here so she's having fun with her. It might get difficult when all the fuss dies down and it's just the four of us. Watch this space and good luck when the time comes!

FlameBoo Thu 01-Jun-06 11:57:55

DD flicks from ignoring, to needing "misses and luggles" - unfortunately she tends to need them just as he's fallen asleep!!!

Most of the time it is ignoring though

Toothyboy Thu 01-Jun-06 12:07:39

We had explained that I would have to sleep at the hospital and told ds1 that he would come to see me and then leave with his grandparents. I think they tried to have something exciting for him to look forward to after each visit which helped.

He was a little bit upset by the 3rd day as he was understandably missing me (I was missing him by then as well!), but I came home the next day anyway. He didn't want to go anywhere without me or dp for a few weeks afterwards, so we didn't push him and things gradually got back to normal. Incidentally we also moved house the day after I came out of hospital so the little lad had a lot of changes to cope with!!

manitz Thu 01-Jun-06 13:48:13

i had acouple of days in hosp due to complications, plus I had a long prelabour pains and shipped dd1 off to grandparents on the sunday and had dd2 at 4am on thurs. Dd1 visited with the grands on friday and promptly burst into tears (she was 23 m). the grands went off and she calmed down - think it was just a bit overwhelming.

prior to birth we'd done loads of bump talking and i'd got her a doll and a crib and we did a lot of role play although often she just dragged it round by the hair. the week she was at the gparents she learnt to talk!! and when baby came home she started to understand why i wanted to do certain things and would lie down on her mat to have her manitz (nappy) changed. it was fantastic to see things click with her. i had been concerned i would miss her but having a sibling helped her develop and made me love her even more iyswim. she loved helping too.

she was 3 in feb and dd2 was one in jan. jealousy only really came into play when dd2 started to walk and move into dd1's territory, the baby months werent' an issue though occassionally dd1 bit or hit dd2. now there are toy/book fights, though interestingly dd2 wins more often but also older one 'reads' toyounger and they play together. i'd say don't worry about it and involve the older one in caring, i've found they find it fascinating.

manitz Thu 01-Jun-06 13:49:04

i had acouple of days in hosp due to complications, plus I had a long prelabour pains and shipped dd1 off to grandparents on the sunday and had dd2 at 4am on thurs. Dd1 visited with the grands on friday and promptly burst into tears (she was 23 m). the grands went off and she calmed down - think it was just a bit overwhelming.

prior to birth we'd done loads of bump talking and i'd got her a doll and a crib and we did a lot of role play although often she just dragged it round by the hair. the week she was at the gparents she learnt to talk!! and when baby came home she started to understand why i wanted to do certain things and would lie down on her mat to have her manitz (nappy) changed. it was fantastic to see things click with her. i had been concerned i would miss her but having a sibling helped her develop and made me love her even more iyswim. she loved helping too.

she was 3 in feb and dd2 was one in jan. jealousy only really came into play when dd2 started to walk and move into dd1's territory, the baby months werent' an issue though occassionally dd1 bit or hit dd2. now there are toy/book fights, though interestingly dd2 wins more often but also older one 'reads' toyounger and they play together. i'd say don't worry about it and involve the older one in caring, i've found they find it fascinating.

manitz Thu 01-Jun-06 13:50:19

i had acouple of days in hosp due to complications, plus I had a long prelabour pains and shipped dd1 off to grandparents on the sunday and had dd2 at 4am on thurs. Dd1 visited with the grands on friday and promptly burst into tears (she was 23 m). the grands went off and she calmed down - think it was just a bit overwhelming.

prior to birth we'd done loads of bump talking and i'd got her a doll and a crib and we did a lot of role play although often she just dragged it round by the hair. the week she was at the gparents she learnt to talk!! and when baby came home she started to understand why i wanted to do certain things and would lie down on her mat to have her manitz (nappy) changed. it was fantastic to see things click with her. i had been concerned i would miss her but having a sibling helped her develop and made me love her even more iyswim. she loved helping too.

she was 3 in feb and dd2 was one in jan. jealousy only really came into play when dd2 started to walk and move into dd1's territory, the baby months werent' an issue though occassionally dd1 bit or hit dd2. now there are toy/book fights, though interestingly dd2 wins more often but also older one 'reads' toyounger and they play together. i'd say don't worry about it and involve the older one in caring, i've found they find it fascinating.

manitz Thu 01-Jun-06 13:54:03

oops - sorry.

Auntymandy Thu 01-Jun-06 13:56:39

my advice..for what its worth is. Keep talking. Include your little one as much as possible, let her feel your tummy. Get her to 'read' to the bump etc. dont let the baby be a suprise! Mine were a bit closer than this.

arfur Thu 01-Jun-06 15:40:20

My two are the same age gap as yours will be and they are now 6 & 4 and are best friends. I did all the usual stuff mentioned here but the thing I really tried hard to never stop dd from touching or going near ds. I see all the time new parents doing that whole dont wake the baby or be careful of the baby or dont be too rough etc and I swear you can see the hurt on the older childs face! I would only ever intervene if real harm was likely and it rarely was. Saw in a book about tactically diverting unwanted kisses etc by getting your toddler to concentrate on tickling the babys feet and praising with ooh the baby loves you tickling it like that. The other sneaky thing I used to do was talk to the baby in the cooing voice about dd. DS thought I was cooing devotedly at him and dd could here in a daft voice what a lovely sister/good girl she was etc (did feel a bit guilty but they never minded) . All in all it was really good age gap for us and you will be fine - trust in yourself. Re the hospital I was only in overnight so dd only came in to collect us as we thought she might be upset to go home without us. More tricky if your in for longer - I suspect it would be better for her to see you (and for you to see her - I couldnt believe how much I missed her in 24 hours) than be missing you for so long. HTH

spots Thu 01-Jun-06 15:51:22

I had the same reservations about the hospital, wanting to stay at leastone night to recover but also feeling bad at leaving dd1 longer than necessary. She was 23mo at time of birth. I made a book for/with her telling her as much as I could about the baby arriving and included the hospital. ('Daddy and dd1 will visit mummy in the hospital. There will be lots of mummies in beds, and lots of babies too. Mummy will be in a bed. There's the new baby!') She added scribbles/stickerss/glitter. It's not all plain sailing with the two of them but I did like making the book, and I think it really helped her get a sense of what was haPPENING WHEN it all kicked off.

would describe her attitude to baby,now 7wks, as mixture of intrigue, irritation and indifference!

Good luck...

nicnack2 Thu 01-Jun-06 15:51:33

i have a nearly three and a 12 week old. DS1 like the baby as a bump. Made sure that he didnt see me in labour (stayed with my parents)DS2 born in the evening and i was home the next day. ds1 was a bit strange that ay but i think he was tired. i have not changed his routine and still goes to th childminder 2 days as he did before. is protective over his little brother, but can also be naughty with him. you do feel that you are always checking the older one and saying no all the time. I try and involve him as much as i can. I also spend time just ds1 and me couple times a week to go for a ice cream also a cuddle time during the day when ds2 is asleep. hth

YellowFeathers Thu 01-Jun-06 15:52:50

Hiya Pucca (Nbg here )

I've been having a think about this too. My dd will be slightly older than yours come August, well she'll be 2.10.

I've decided I would like dh to bring her to the hospital but only on their own because if she comes with other visitors all she'll see is everyone cooing over new baby and I think she'll feel a bit left out.
When we come home I'd like the same thing to happen there. We're asking visitors to come either the day or 2 days after so that dd can adjust somewhat and get to know new baby and also asking them to acknowledge dd as soon as they come in to the house rather than go straight to the baby IYSWIM.

We're going to buy a present like others have sugessted too. We're thining of the Thomas Aquadraw as we've bought her the smaller travel version and she plays with it for hours on her own so it will probably be a godsend in the first few weeks to keep her occupied whilst feeding etc.
I'm also going to make up a special toy box for when I'm feeding, colouring books etc.

motherinferior Thu 01-Jun-06 16:00:14

<warning: rare moment of MI sentimentality alert>

There's 2.4 between my daughters. CAT me and I will send you the article I wrote about the day they met (I had a home birth but DD1 wasn't there). It was, frankly, the most amazing day of my life. They still get on very very very well.

psychomum5 Thu 01-Jun-06 16:00:20

I didn't have much of any probs with any of mine when I have had new babies. I have 5..

DD1 was 22mths when DD2 came along, and during pregnancy she had spoken to 'baby' lots thro my belly button
she was also given a doll which she named 'holly dolly', and then named bump 'holly bump'. Baby was then called Holly, which Megan thought fantastic and they loved each other massivly since, and each subsequent babe, meaning absolutely no jealousy or bonding issues.

That said, the love can be an issue now that hormones have kicked in

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