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Has parenting affected your mental health? Pt 2 - Shades of light and dark.

(581 Posts)
KingRollo Mon 24-Jun-13 11:28:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Thu 25-Jul-13 17:10:51

Oh ledkr.
You poor thing.
Will you lose a lot of money if you don't go?
Could you go to gp and get a sick note and give to the insurers?
What a nightmare for you sad

feelingood Thu 25-Jul-13 22:43:38

Hope things get better for your ledkr and your DD is ok.

Ledkr Thu 25-Jul-13 22:48:23

Shes been ok. Had some meds then was fine so see how she sleeps. Dd1 is so excited and we do need a break.
I'm a bit better but still feel sick. Had small amount of dinner but hardly any. I've lost 6lbs in two days. Just hope nobody else gets it.

DogsAreEasierThanChildren Fri 26-Jul-13 08:07:28

So sorry, Ledkr. It's grim being ill with children, and even grimmer when you're about to go on holiday.

We're about to go away for a week - we need to catch a ferry at 2.30, need to pack the car, and DS has turned feral and won't get dressed or otherwise co-operate. If it was up to me we wouldn't go anywhere, it's not worth the stress and he won't even remember it when he's older. But DH wants to - sigh. Next year maybe I'll say he can take DS and I'll stay at home.

bigkidsdidit Fri 26-Jul-13 08:26:07

I refuse to go on holiday. It's just not worth the stress! I hope you both get away ok today.

Ledkr Fri 26-Jul-13 08:32:13

Where you getting ferry from dogs?

DogsAreEasierThanChildren Fri 26-Jul-13 08:42:23

Portsmouth. DS now howling in his room where I put him because he wouldn't clean his teeth.

Hope you feel properly better soon Ledkr. Signing off now as I need to go and pack the kitchen sink into the car.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 26-Jul-13 13:50:44

We are having a good/ok day I think. We finally have a tentative move date - 29th August. DS started to enthusiastically pack as soon as we heard but has since lost interest. I should pack properly, will probably try to make a start today!

Just finding DS very irritating currently and I feel bad about it. Last night he broke a new toy he had got by fiddling with it - okay it was only a free thing from a magazine, and it's fixable (just fiddly and I haven't got the right things to fix it with) and I felt sorry for him and gave him a big cuddle but all I could think in my head was "Why can't you just leave things alone and then they wouldn't break??" and then he carried on crying about it for ages with this really awful screechy cry that went right through me and I just had to tell him to go back to bed if he was going to make that noise. I feel crappy because that's what you're supposed to be there for - to comfort them when they're upset etc and yet all I can do is find him annoying.

And then - FGS, again! He's just picked up some manky old rubber duck which has been sitting outside for probably anywhere between 1-3 years, some other time I let him do water play outdoors and we never bothered to bring everything inside, it was covered in old water and mould or algae or something, I managed to keep calm and say okay, that's lovely, well, make sure you wash it really well with soap and wash your hands too because it might have germs on it. But no angry he decides that me talking to him is a cue for him to dump it on the dining table and flump on the sofa. It just flips a switch in me and I said "What are you doing? I just told you to wash that, why does that mean you go and touch everything with it? It's all dirty!" and then he starts some eeeeuurrrrhhhh I'm going to do it in a miiiiiinute! I'm washing my hands in this [tiny] bowl [of plain water]!

Now he is whining about being asked to clean up some toys which he threw all over the floor. I've already said, just do it or don't do it, I don't care, stop sitting there whining about it.

bigkidsdidit Fri 26-Jul-13 14:48:31

You at least sound like you're still staying relaxed with him, Yoni? I'd have banned mine from bringing that in from the garden or shouted told him off for not washing it

When I was pg I thought I would be a very relaxed mother. I am increasingly realising I am naturally quite strict and I need to be to keep sane ie I have to get them up and into bed by 7.30 so I can have a sit and a wine or a tea. I pictured me being all happy go lucky but I just cant let go to that extent.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 26-Jul-13 15:54:34

Oh, well I did shout and attempted to drag him to the bathroom blush

Still then a friend posted a pic up on facebook of her at the soft play place 5 minutes from my house so we had a sudden change of plan to meet up with them! Much better. Seems I'd rather be in soft play hell with company than the comfort of my own home without!

Although her own child who is 2 months younger than mine and was the daredevil who never did as he was told when younger was just immediately responding to everything she said and even when he threw a ball at her and she said "Hey, that isn't nice, what do you say?" had the temerity to look embarrassed and apologise. DS would have laughed and said "Haha poo face!" and then ran off. confused

I don't know where you're supposed to start when their whole attitude is what needs changing.

bigkidsdidit Fri 26-Jul-13 16:39:30

grin I had visions of you rising above serenely

As for what you're meant to do, I have no earthly idea

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 26-Jul-13 17:00:17

Sigh. Hoping fresh start in Germany will help. With DP on hand, can blame the fact I'm totally changing my approach on the move so he (DS) doesn't laugh in my face at the thought of me actually trying to be a parent. And will have DP on backup so that hopefully I don't lose it.

I just worry I've left it too late, I was too laid back. He was easy as anything when he was younger, so when he turned into a monster at 3 I was all laid back and "Oh, I'm sure it's a phase and he'll grow out of it". Result, he thinks he's top dog and it is such a battle to get him to stay in his room or enforce any other sort of punishment that I can't face it for smaller things. Even when it does work he tries to do it back to me! "Mummy if you're not sitting here ready to play the game with me when I get back from the toilet then I'll make you take me to the park instead!!" And yet I know this is the problem. I'm just really bad at being a parent I think.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 26-Jul-13 17:02:09

Am currently doing a tesco online shop and I am too frazzled to think so just going through all of the special offers "Yep we need that. That looks nice. I'm hungry. That looks good." Plan is to go through and sort out later. Hopefully I get around to it! I'm starving, but all we have in is children's food. I'm going to eat some chicken nuggets in a bit hmm

Meglet Fri 26-Jul-13 19:57:31

I really can't cope with them today sad. I've got to go and do battle with them for teeth, showers and stories now. All I can hear is smashing and yelling, I need a soundproof room <<sigh>>. The constant questions and negotiations are driving me insane.

Back later to catch up so you know I haven't thrown myself off a tall building! I've got a nice tea once they're in bed.....

Meglet Sat 27-Jul-13 09:30:57

I'm back. They've already had a whinge today but they're currently watching TV.

Trying to decide what to do today. If I could wave a magic teeth brushing, face wiping, hair brushing, toilet visiting, getting dressed wand my life would be so much easier.

Badvoc Sat 27-Jul-13 09:34:05's a bit relentless isnt it?
Well, I am off to a wedding hoe down today - in a big tent in the pissing rain.

Meglet Sat 27-Jul-13 12:26:13

badvoc who (on telly) used to say 'cosmic'? It's making me think of the Young Ones grin.

We were meant to get rain from breakfast time, it's still sunny.

Anyway, mum called just after my earlier post and instructed me to take the kids to her house for the day. It gives me a fighting chance to get something done in peace.

Meglet Sat 27-Jul-13 15:45:23

.....It was Rodney in only fools and horses. See what I can remember when the kids aren't under my feet.

It takes me a while to come down from the stress of having the children around. They've been at mums for 4hrs and I can slowly feel my brain calming down and starting to function properly. Their constant interruptions prevent me from ever having a stream of thought, I can't even make lists as I forget what I needed to add before I've picked up the pen.

Badvoc Sun 28-Jul-13 09:09:01

I'm sorry - I dont have anyone else to talk to ATM...
My beloved dad collapsed and died suddenly yesterday just after we got to the hotel for the wedding.
I got there within a minute of him collapsing and dh just behind me.
We did CPR until the ambulance crew arrived.
They couldn't save him.
My lovely dad. I have to tell my children their pop is gone.
We had to come home and leave him there. My poor mother.
Then last night my mum (they were married for 42 years) had a heart attack. We left her at 6am at the local hospital.
The hospital just phoned...she is in pain again so they are taking her down for an angiogram now.
Fil is taking me in...dh in no fit state to drive.
My sister is on hols and flying back tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what you do when someone dies.
There needs to be a post mortem. I need to get a death certificate.
I dont know what to do.

DogsAreEasierThanChildren Sun 28-Jul-13 10:52:56

badvoc, I'm so sorry. How awful for you all.

There is stuff you need to do but it can all wait till your sister gets there to share the load. Once she does, your DH needs to step up and look after the children, taking time off work if he has to, while you and your sister support your mum and register your poor dad's death.

The hospital will sort the post mortem and the death certificate. Once you've got the certificate you need to register the death and organise the funeral, but you can't do that till you know how your mum is.

Today, focus on being there for your mum and being kind to yourself. Everything else can wait. There'll be wiser people than me along soon with better advice - you are not alone.

Meglet Sun 28-Jul-13 17:14:34

Oh badvoc sad. I can't imagine how upsetting the last day has been for you all. I hope your mum is feeling better and you have had a chance to eat and sleep.

I'm sure the hospital and funeral directors will help you with the practicalities too.

Badvoc Sun 28-Jul-13 17:17:06

Can't eat or sleep.
Just can't get his face out of my least my siblings were spared that.

Angloamerican Mon 29-Jul-13 01:56:24


I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family, and praying for your Dad.

TheConstantLurker Mon 29-Jul-13 07:53:11

Oh Badvoc. I am so so sorry. How terrible for you.
I send you a big hug.

Ledkr Mon 29-Jul-13 08:09:48

badvoc darling I am so sorry. What an absolutely awful thing to happen. I just cannot imagine how you are feeling.
This is a challenge for you now to not go under.
Insist on help and force yourself to eat. Try to close your eyes and rest a little. Stay strong for your mum.
As an aside you need to talk to someone quickly about what happened. I used to counsel medical staff after traumatic incidents to prevent PTSD
Talk talk talk. Describe over and over what happened in detail.
If you can't talk then write it all down.
It will help in the long term. Giving CPR to a parent who then died is possibly one of the most horrific scenarios ever.
Sending you lots of love and strength xxxx

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