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Getting your boob out infront of in laws.

(65 Posts)
MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:05:19

Hi! smile
im 33 weeks pregnant with our 2nd lg, i really want to breast feed, i couldnt with our 1st (loooong story)
So, im aware that we're going to have visitors when she's born, obviously.
And im really worried about feeding infront of my inlaws ..not so much my family (no idea why!?) and i couldnt careless about starngers.
How did you BF mummies get over it? What did you do? Shall i go upstairs with her? what about visiting people?
im abit self concious and kinda getting my boob out is a big thing just need abit of positive advice and tips smile

rowtunda Thu 13-Jun-13 22:11:35

The first time it's a bit weird but you soon get over it. Don't go off to another room otherwise you'll be forever stuck in another room!

Tbh the first time I fed in front of any of the older generation they would all get up and find something to do in another room anyway! (None of my family were breast feeders)

hedgehogpickle Thu 13-Jun-13 22:12:07

A few of my friends have "capes" which cost about £30 on Amazon I think. They seem to be quite handy if you're out and about and make breastfeeding discreet if you're shy. Others use muslins kind of fastened under their bra and then draped over baby.

You might find it easier to leave the room at first but if you plan to BF for a while it's not much fun! Good luck with everything smile

mamacoffee Thu 13-Jun-13 22:14:23

You'll get lots of ppl telling you not to worry nd ddon't be silly etc etc...but personally I got a bebe au lait nursing cover smile with that I have fed anywhere and everywhere! ! If you get a plain black or plain white (I got both) they're not as conspicuous as the funky patterned ones.

hedgehogpickle Thu 13-Jun-13 22:16:48

Found a link for the cape/cover - there are cheaper ones too.

fortyplus Thu 13-Jun-13 22:18:13

Mine are 18 & 19 and I still cringe at the thought. Your friend here is a 'muslin' - excellent for mopping up puke but also great for discreetly draping across boob smile

LemonBreeland Thu 13-Jun-13 22:18:55

I would just leave the room for the first little while until I got comfortable with getting latched on. Which seemed to take ages in the beginning. Don't worry about being rude to guests by leaving the room. They can wait.

Once you are more confident then you will find you can do it quickly with people barely noticing.

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:21:23

I might go upstairs with her till i get the hang of it, my first wouldnt latch properly, and there was lots of pain, crying and nipple moving. im not that close to my inlaws so i dont feel comfy doing that whilst sat on the sofa.

My bestie is giving me her breast feeding capes (what i call them) so im deffinetly taking those out with me smile

newpencilcase Thu 13-Jun-13 22:22:19

I would recommend limiting the guests for the first few weeks.

The best way to breastfeed when they are newborn is naked, in bed! Skin to skin contact is really important and it can be tricky to latch on at first - far better to not have an audience.

Once you've got the hang of it, you can do it quite discreetly but at first, it's too difficult.

So - try to keep visitors at bay or, take to your bed with the baby and use them to make a fuss of DC1 grin

newpencilcase Thu 13-Jun-13 22:24:25

Nooo, not the cape!

I decent scarf is all you need - and double layers. Vest/camisole and shirt. Pull camisole up (to cover top boobage) and unbutton shirt. Then tastefully arrange scarf.

SigningGirl Thu 13-Jun-13 22:26:36

I did the strappy top under normal top thing, so if I'm trying to be discreet only a small amount of boob shows.
(When we don't have visitors I am less subtle!)

It was weird the first time, but I got over it pretty quick with DS crying loudly for food. Don't go into another room if you can stay, otherwise you'll be there forever!! grin

My BIL offered to leave the room the first time, I told him not to bother... i think because I was outwardly not bothered, everyone relaxed!!

If you get stressed at any point, have issues latching, or someone is giving "helpful" advice, send them off to do something (make tea etc) that way you don't have to deal with it!
Good luck!

Lala29 Thu 13-Jun-13 22:29:26

I too used the bebe au lait cover and loved it. Used it until I stopped feeding at 7 months, out in restaurants, busses, etc. I'm not a fan if getting my boobs out in front of people either (apart from husband), so preferred to cover up even around other mums.
In the first few days if we had visitors,I would leave the room, get DD latched on and drinking comfortably and then come back in with everything covered up and DD under the cover happily drinking. But after about a week, we were both fine and knew what we were doing, so no need to leave!

waterrat Thu 13-Jun-13 22:29:54

I worried about this too - I realised that the best thing to do is leave the room , leave all the in laws chatting and go and relax in bed while you feed baby - far far the best solution and nobody minds.

SirBoobAlot Thu 13-Jun-13 22:30:33

Just get on with it smile Seriously, the first time will be a bit intimidating, but you'll be focusing on making sure your baby is okay. Don't faff around with a scarf or a cover (those capes for 'discrete' feeding are about as discrete as a neon flashing arrow), just feed your baby.

And in the early days / weeks, you really don't need an extra layer to be messing around with; plenty of skin to skin. SO don't feel like you have to be focusing on what makes them most comfortable; do what is best for you and your baby.

Seriously, no one will bat an eyelid, and even if they do, they'll get used to it.

waterrat Thu 13-Jun-13 22:31:03

And that way you get to read: watch tv etc and focus on relaxing which is vital if you want to bf successfully

Remember bf is your main focus for first month - get cosy and forget everything else.

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:32:16

Ok so lie in bed with baby and leave inlaws downstairs? sounds too good to be true! :')
but seriously, thats the best way for it to be done? I read its on demand but is there a rough time between feeds? Will i know when she's full? how did you manage with family wanting to visit?
So new to this, sorry about all the questions.

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 22:33:02

I was a great fan of the vest, t-shirt, cardie combo to start with. Vest down a bit, tshirt up a bit, cardi for side coverage. Seriously nothing to see!

My FIL really wasn't comfortable with it but I have twins so no one would ever have seen us if I'd been in another room.

My FIL usually nipped off to make a cuppa or fo the dishes when I was feeding, but bless him he never commented negatively.

Once you get the hang of breastfeeding it's easy to be discreet. Good luck!

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:33:32

And ive already bought a few easy accses to boob tops/bras. I'll invest in some nice scarfs! smile

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 22:38:25

You'll find your baby has there own rhythm and you'll settle into it.I found on demand too difficult with twins so I moved to feeding every 3 hours which worked well for us (although as they both fed an hour a time to start with I was still fairly constantly feeding!) grin

Any visitors to our house were (politely) told to expect to find me feeding. My babies needs were more important than anyone else's blushes.

She's full when she's finished!

SirBoobAlot Thu 13-Jun-13 22:38:49

It's not the best way for it to be done, in my honest opinion. In the early days you will be feeding every 1.5hrs-2hrs at least, during growth spurts more. This settles down but as a warning.

As for knowing when she's full etc, maybe visit your local breastfeeding peer support group, or have a look on a site like to familiarise yourself with some of the basics smile

Problem with leaving the room / covering up is that you are making it into something to hide. And there really doesn't need to be. Your breasts exist to feed your baby; would you leave the room if a toddler needed a sandwich? smile If it would make you feel better, tell them in advance that you will be breastfeeding. But certainly don't feel the need to banish yourself to another room because your baby is hungry, or you will spend a lot of time sat by yourself looking at wall paper!

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:50:01

Im worrying i'll spend most the time upstairs when we have visitors! Haha. The inlaws arn't exactly..understanding and they'll want to be down asap for cuddles which is fine obviously, but it was different with our 1st as she was bottle fed from the word go..
This time it'll different as its boobie feeding..i dont think the MIL will be too happy about it as baby will be on boob alot..but im hoping she will entertain our 3 yr old lg smile
is it a good idea for our lg to be involved?like sitting with me? Shes very excited about meeting her sister,

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:00

Your in-laws will get used to it. Of course she'll still get cuddle time! I'm mever sure why people get so fixated with the idea that they are misding out if they don't feed the baby a bottle. There ate loads of other things to do for a baby.

I don't have older children but small visitors when I was feeding were fascinated by breast feeding. She can cuddle up next to you both.

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:43

blush typos. Clearly time for bed!

waterrat Fri 14-Jun-13 07:31:16

I didn't mean to suggest that every time you BF you should hide away - I just felt a relief myself when I realised it it absolutely fine to go and have a peaceful moment to yourself if you want to feed and there are people around.

It's all very well saying you should be happy to feed in front of anyone - I am sure you will reach that point. But for me (and plenty of others I know) breastfeeding was not easy in the first few weeks - that is not a negative point, just an important preparation!

I had a painful let down and very sore nipples - I cried when latching on for the first two weeks - please dont be put off by that, once I got going it was so , so much easier than bottle feeding - I went camping for a month when DS was a few months old and it made things so much simpler that I was breastfeeding. It became like second nature - the feeds get shorter etc etc.

But I think part of the reason BF rates in this country are so incredibly low - and they are appallingly low, most women stop after a few weeks - is because people are not realistic about the intense commitment of those first weeks. And also that it can be normal to be in pain at first - you and the baby will learn to latch and that pain will go - then it is worth it because you have a free simple supply! Also, feeds can take 40 minutes - I always fed 20 minutes each side - and that is an important time for you to rest. Nature wants you to rest so you have energy for the baby!

Babies feed very frequently at first - other people will get lots of chance to hold the baby, but if you want to go and hide away then please do - you need to feel relaxed and if there is any anxiety about feeding in front of people then do what you need to do.

kellymom is a very good website.

Also find a BF support group to visit to get real physical help with your latch.....and support/ tea/ chat!

CreatureRetorts Fri 14-Jun-13 07:33:39

If you have latch issues again, wortth getting them to check for tongue tie (make sure they check that when baby is born). Also see a BF counsellor.

As for visitors, well it's your house so get the boobs out grin

(saying that I would leave the room to feed hmm)

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