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do you agree that this is a bad parenting decision?

(65 Posts)
fransmom Mon 29-May-06 12:49:43

have been ill in bed with migraine and couldn't focus so i said to dp that he should look after dd cos i was ill and wouldn't be able to look after her properly. about half 11 she wakes up and he brings her into the bedroom so she can say hello and she wants to play so he lets her get down out his arms and he goes into living room. she follows. after about ten minutes i hear the chair by his computer creak so i go into living room and find out he's on the computer - when he's sposed to be looking after dd. he can't understand why i hit the roof. (quite painful when you have a migraine.)

he said he wasn't on the computer because he was changing a nappy - i went to check and bingo there is a game onscreen which he hasn't even bothered to pause. how on earth can he concentrate on looking after dd whne he's playing on this b***y thing? am interested in what you think he even shouted at me for wanting to turn off computer to save hima job and because he was supposed to be looking after dd

bramblina Mon 29-May-06 12:50:44

Yep, a tad unneccesary perhaps.

gothicmama Mon 29-May-06 12:51:08

how old is dd

fransmom Mon 29-May-06 12:56:41

13 mths and walking at that age where you need eyes in the back of your head. lol

what do you mean by "tad unnecessary" ?

Rhubarb Mon 29-May-06 13:08:13

I've done it. We can't be with them all the time. If he was watching the telly would you have been as angry? Because it's just the same really.
If that was me on the pc I'd have gone apeshit if dh turned the pc off!

Carmenere Mon 29-May-06 13:14:44

Agree with Rhubarb. You are asking the wrong people here, fgs all of our children play whilst we are on mumsnet. And I too would be mortally offended if my dp started telling me how to look after our dd.

FloatingOnTheMed Mon 29-May-06 13:19:17

i might be a bit irritated because i'd judge him more than i'd judge myself iykwim (esp if he wasn't normally able to spend much time with her) but i too am on the computer a lot while dd plays.

she's not so young though, so if the house really isn't safe for her and what you say is right about eyes in the back of your head, then maybe i would be more p'd off.

mears Mon 29-May-06 13:26:58

I think you can do both, sorry.

TheMammy Mon 29-May-06 13:31:41

Don't most of us do both most days? I wouldn't mind my Dh being on the PC unless it was in a room that ds couldn't play safely in, but seeing as his is a laptop and he can put it on the kitchen table and watch ds play it's ok

sandradee Mon 29-May-06 13:40:07

Hi Fransmum,

I think I would have hit the roof too. My DS is the same age and he gets everywhere. It's difficult I know to watch them all the time but there is definitely "on duty" and "off duty". When you are "on duty" I think they need to be watched. It's hard I know and things do happen even when you are watching them but it's important to be on the ball.

Caligula Mon 29-May-06 13:42:28

Hmm, you can't be with them all the time, but a computer game is slightly more hypnotic and absorbing than a TV programme or a phone call.

bobblehead Mon 29-May-06 15:33:27

Especially to men who aren't good at multi tasking at the best of times

geekgrrl Mon 29-May-06 15:47:24


dh frequently plays computer games or on his PSP whilst looking after the children - never considered this a problem (and who would I be to speak? I'm forever doing other stuff). It's called 'benign neglect'.

sugarfree Mon 29-May-06 16:01:03

Fransmom,when you are 'on duty'then,all you do is watch your little one?Nothing else?At all?Ever?
hmmm.

Elibean Mon 29-May-06 16:24:41

Depends how safe/child-proofed the room dd was in was....and how good at multi-tasking and/or safety dp is.
I did find it hard letting go and trusting dh to keep dd safe at that age (he was un-benignly neglected as a child, and wasn't automatically great at safety issues - much better now) and I'd have felt mistrustful at his ability to look after dd and play computer games. At the same time, migraines don't really help anyone to think calmly or relax...maybe he needs to relax a little less, you a little more??

lahdeedah Mon 29-May-06 16:43:32

so he's on the computer in the living room, while your DD is playing, also in the living room? I do this a lot.... I'm a SAHM with one 14mo DD and I'd go completely insane if I just sat and watched her all day!! sorry, not what you wanted to hear I know....

sugarfree Mon 29-May-06 16:49:51

I think it would have totally freaked my kids out too tbh.
I just don't see how you can watch your child at all times and get anything else done.

NotQuiteCockney Mon 29-May-06 16:51:52

I do think vidgames are a lot more immersive than just goofing around on the net. DH and I both ignore our DSes some, but we don't vidgame while we're "on duty".

That being said, rules like "no vidgaming while minding the kids" need to be agreed, not discussed while you have a migraine.

nothercules Mon 29-May-06 17:06:02

I dont think he did anything wrong really. i would have been livid had my dh switched the pc whilst I was on it.

niceglasses Mon 29-May-06 17:23:26

I think both myself and my dh do this in short bursts - we have 3 and its exhausting (and not entirely good for the kids I think) to be with them all the time, totally focused on them.

I don't think he did too much wrong as long as it was only a short time and she was safe.

Twiglett Mon 29-May-06 17:26:16

I think you're out of order to be honest

but also I think you really should childproof your house .. your 13 month old should be able to walk around safely without someone watching them all the time ..

hope your migraine is better

BonyM Mon 29-May-06 17:26:18

DD2 (14mths) is pottering around at the moment while I'm on here.

crunchie Mon 29-May-06 17:27:56

I am with teh majority I think you over-reacted in a big way.

TBH you do need to look at how you treat your dh in relation to how he looks after your child. So often (and I did this sometimes too) we don't think our Dh's are as good as we at at looking after them, so we sigh and say 'oh I'll do it, I know what they want' etc AFter a while it becomes a self fulfilling proficy and our dh's have no confidence at looking after the kids, so we end up doing it and feeling resentful. This maynot be you and your dh, but do sit back and look at how you do things as a couple, do you criticise (with good reason I am sure) his parenting skills? Do you take over?? I found I had to totally step back and let DH make HUGE mistakes (in my mind - feeding them spag hoops 3 days on the trot was one!) and button my lip, or we would have ended up worse off. BTW I also did this with food shopping, I sent him a few times (with a full list) he came back with wrong stuff, I ranted and guess who ended up doing teh shopping everytime? So what if he bought Black cherry yoghurts

sugarfree Mon 29-May-06 17:36:55

Absolutely Crunchie.Surely the vast majority love their children and want to keep them safe,just as much as we do.
It's good for kids to have someone elses 'style' I think.
When my mum was ill in bed when I was a kid,dad looked after us.I don't expect our pigtails were straight or our clothes matched etc etc,but the point is,^I don't remember^.I just remember it being good fun and Dad getting into trouble for giving us chips 2 nights running.

Here's to Dads being good parents too,when we let them.

nothercules Mon 29-May-06 17:39:23

Surely, sugarfree, dads should do parenting as a matter of course rather than only when mum cant or they are allowed to.

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