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Feeling useless, guilty and very sad... :(

(7 Posts)
SuperDuperTrooper Mon 20-May-13 11:24:16

I have a 17 month DS who I love with all my heart. I work part time so he is with a childminder in the afternoons. I have always fed him lunch before going to her and he always has dinner with her. Over the last few months he has becoming increasingly picky, difficult and slow with his meals - especially lunch it seems. I struggle to get him fed and to the childminder in time and inevitably get tense and stressed whilst feeding him. It has been know for me to completely lose my cool sad I have been feeling like my tension may be exacerbating the problem. I have also been wondering if a contributing factor to his slow eating at lunch is that he is freshly woken from his first nap. He just doesn't seem ready to eat.

Anyway, DH and I made the decision last night that I should now take him to the childminder 30 to 60mins early so that she can give him lunch. This gives him time to wake up a bit from his sleepy state and, hopefully, eat more successfully. Thing is I'm feeling ridiculously guilty as though I am shirking yet another of my motherhood responsibilities! Even as I write this I realise how over dramatic I may sound but I feel really really sad and guilty that its another situation that I can't seem to handle as a mum (there have been a few!) and that Im having to pass the buck to someone more patient and capable than myself.

Feeling awful right now.... sad

Notsoyummymummy1 Mon 20-May-13 12:13:33

Sounds like you've made the right decision - it makes a lot of sense for the childminder to do it then it won't be as rushed and he can take his time if he needs to. You will feel a lot happier too and won't find yourself stressing. This is not a sign of your failure at all - you are making a sensible decision that's best for you both and that's what a good mummy does. Don't worry this will a good move.

Teapot13 Mon 20-May-13 14:20:07

I can't tell if you want encouragement or other suggestions. I think it's perfectly reasonable to have him eat lunch with the CM. Don't feel guilty about it -- you just want him to get a good meal, and this might help.

(Ignore the rest if you have already decided for certain.) On the other hand, these are things I would try at home to improve (or accept) his eating:

Are you currently eating lunch with him? That might help as well.

When you say "feed" him -- are you feeding him, or does he feed himself? Letting him feed himself might make him more interested.

I found with a toddler that I could get two really good meals into her and very rarely did she eat well at all three meals. Your little one might be getting enough overall without a big lunch.

I think all kids get pickier at this stage -- my DD ate beetroot, Brussels sprouts, you name it. Now, at 3, she would really rather just eat plain pasta and yogurts marketed to children. I keep trying, but it's a struggle.

Good luck!

valiumredhead Mon 20-May-13 15:17:19

If he is waking from a nap, he probably isn't that hungry tbh, nothing to do with what you are or aren't doing with him x

MatriarchalDreams Mon 20-May-13 16:27:11

My DD is starting at a childminder's next week. DH will be dropping her off/picking her up and he's going to drop her at 8 with her breakfast even though he won'e be leaving for work until 8.45/9ish. At 10 months meals take quite a while as she feeds herself but does it slowly, he's going to use the extra time to walk the dogs so that we can just pay a dog walker/minder to come in for 30 minutes at lunchtime to let out/play with the dogs rather than take them out for an hour's walk which would be more expensive. Also, I will be working three weekdays one week and two the next, on the week that I'll only be doing two days I'm still planning on sending her to the childminder's for a few hours on the third day, this is partially because the other two days are consecutive so if she didn't go on the third day there'd be a gap of 5+ days when she's not there which I don't think will help with her settling in, but partially so I can do some housework in peace, I expect I'll sit down and relax for half an hour too and probably feel a bit guilty about it.

lola88 Tue 21-May-13 21:41:38

DS has breakfast and lunch at the childminder and dinner with my mum 2 days a week when I work.

The plan at first was I would give him break fast and DP would do dinner but he wasn't ready to eat when he just woke up it was stressing us both and making us late and at night DP doesn't get in until 6 so by the time he got in changed and dinner ready it was half 6 DS was starving but to tired to eat then up at night hungry. It was just crazy to do it to him just so we felt like we were doing 'our bit' he's much happier now

SuperDuperTrooper Wed 22-May-13 22:21:48

Thanks everyone.

This week I have taken DS to the childminder soon after he wakes from his morning nap. He has been eating well and happily. I know its the best thing for him right now so am trying to stop beating myself up about it - though that's easier said than done!

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