Advanced search

What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10

Find out more

Pregnant, constantly exhausted & feel like such a bad mum to my toddler!

(8 Posts)
3Caramel Thu 16-May-13 13:32:18

I feel ungrateful to moan, as all I've ever wanted to be meet a lovely guy, get married & have happy, healthy children, but.... Am currently 21 weeks pregnant, with a 21 month old DS, go to work 2 days pw, then on the other 3 days do all cooking/cleaning/washing/chores/ childcare - so although I work hard, I know my week isn't as tough as many Mums that I read about. But, I am just finding it all so hard at the moment. I feel like I haven't been happy for months!

I'm constantly exhausted & over emotional, have no patience with my DS or DH, always snapping at both, and to top it all, then feel over-whelmed with guilt about (mainly) being a bad mother and (occasionally) about being a bad wife, and resolve to do better/ work harder at both. Especially as my 21m old DS is playing up a bit at the moment - hitting/ hyperactive/ not listening to a word I say etc. - probably totally usual (?) for this age, but is not helping waylay the guilt that I'm not spending enough "quality" time with him, so am the reason that he is acting up.

And that's not taking into account the fact I then feel selfish for craving some "me" time...

To cap it all, this is before the new baby has even arrived! I'm sure that'll bring a whole new state of exhaustion, so was hoping to get some (relative) rest now. Am finding it very hard to feel positive at the moment.

I really hope that this is all totally normal? Does anyone have any advice for feeling a bit less guilty all the time, and dealing with an energetic toddler during pregnancy?

TryDrawing Thu 16-May-13 13:41:29

Don't know what the answer is but I'm in the same boat. Dd is watching a shameful amount of TV whilst I lie on the sofa trying not to be sick.

My only advice for not feeling guilty is that this is only a phase. No-one is the perfect parent all the time and toddlers misbehave no matter what you do. You do your best for now and plan to be better in a few months when you're not growing a baby/dealing with a newborn.

My secret weapon is meeting a friend with a toddler for a cuppa during the day, either at my house or theirs. The kids wear each other out, we get to have a chat, and then dd needs a nap (and I get one too!).

xlatia Thu 16-May-13 13:53:51

hello smile i feel your pain, am 35 wks, DC1 is 18 months and seems to get more bouncy and energetic by the day. don't be so hard on yourself, it really is exhausting! i try and deal with it by taking him out to park/play groups/play ground lots and meet friends with children. as for the exhaustion, i've been known to nap with him or go to bed at the same time as him in the evening, sod the housework! also, my DS "helps" with chores such as putting the washing away, hoovering or laying the table. of course everything takes ages but he seems to be much happier when he has a purpose in life wink and stuff gets done this way.

sometimes i too feel as if craving "me" time is selfish but let's face it, you need some of it to keep you sane! i've been thinking about going away for one night just by myself pretty much since i found out i was pg. DP is totally supportive, problem is i cannot summon the energy to find/book a nice place, haha. so i gave up on that and instead got DP to organise a long weekend away for the 3 of us. luckily he loves finding bargains on the interent and scouted out a swanky spa hotel in the countryside, 4 days of lovely, lazy family time and i really feel much more relaxed now! if that's not an option, maybe an day/night out with friends or whatever you find relaxing? you really need to recharge your batteries before DC2 comes along!

MonstersDontCry Thu 16-May-13 14:08:21

I know exactly how you feel! I'm 32 weeks and have a 20 month old DD who is also going through the 'do the opposite of what I'm told' stage.

I'm finding the housework a struggle now too. Even just bending down to pick something up from the floor leaves me out of breath!

I feel guilty about everything too. Think thats just the hormones. grin we all need some 'me' time occasionally.

3Caramel Thu 16-May-13 14:20:04

Thanks for all the lovely support! This parenting thing is really hard sometimes, isn't it?

Xlatia - I love your idea of going away, especially by myself for a night. And we've got a family break planned, so hopefully will feel a bit better after that. But wish my DH was as helpful as yours! He's very supportive & I love him to bits, but he seems to be exhausted all the time too due to stessful job, so I don't like to add it by asking for him to help out too much.

(And, a bit disloyal, but DH is typical man, in that when I stess about household stuff, he just says that it doesn't matter and me resting is a priority - very nice of him, however, he never seems to think about how it's going to get done if I don't do it!) Wow - all I seem to do is moan nowadays!

But it is good to know that it's not just me smile

xlatia Thu 16-May-13 19:16:38

tell me about disloyal men! the other day (after i'd cooked dinner and kept DS entertained while DP had a rest after work) DP told me to just sit down while he laid the table and bibbed DS up. i used the time to put toys away and hang up the washing, only to get told off by DP who just wouldn't understand that if i didn't to it, noone would...

nothing can beat a good old moan, eh? smile

Dolallytats Thu 16-May-13 19:29:42

Mine is slightly older, but I'm struggling any way. I am 30 weeks pregnant and in pain with my legs and pelvis-and then went and pulled a muscle at the back of my leg too so can barely walk.

I am struggling with the school run (which is only a few minutes away) as, not only am I in pain, but I am agoraphobic and my anxiety is through the roof.

I have a 20 year old daughter who helps when she can, then it took 15 long years to have our son, so this baby feels like a miracle and I feel very ungrateful moaning, but I am having a really hard time.

And don't even get me started on the acid reflux and indigestion........

mummy2benji Fri 17-May-13 15:12:16

Don't beat yourself up, that sounds totally normal! Pregnancy when you already have a lo is hard work, especially when you're feeling unwell, knackered and the size of a cow. I employed a shameful amount of Cbeebies to occupy ds1 when I didn't have the energy to string words together let alone play. And I felt more on edge and snappy when I felt like I hadn't had a moments peace and time to myself - so don't feel bad about craving some "you" time, try to make some time just for yourself during the week, even if you just go sit in Starbucks by yourself for a bit with a magazine and a coffee, which your dh looks after your lo. Are there any mums and toddlers groups you can go to, so your ds can burn off some energy while you get to sit down and have a cuppa? Definitely worth doing if you can. x

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: