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what the hell do i do with a baby who won't be put down

(38 Posts)
peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 10:05:01

and hates the sling?

DD is 10 weeks and currently screaming the place down whenever i put her down, she will do this until she gets picked up.

i don't like leaving her screaming fir more than 15 minutes as she gets into such a state, she will only sleep in me and wakes the second i move and she hates the sling just pushes herself away from me.

i have a 6 year old who needs me too and stuff to do in the house but can't get anything done!

What the hell an i supposed to do with her its really wearing me down!

Chickpeas2 Sun 19-May-13 21:35:50

Hi op, just wondered if you'd considered whether your DD may have an underlying medical issue. Simply because my DC2 was as you described and it turned out to be largely down to silent reflux which once treated (osteopath had most success) changed her instantly to a baby who could settle for longer than 20 minutes if we were careful to keep her upright etc. I don't mean to worry you, just to make a suggestion as I kept blaming myself for being unable to stop the crying etc and although I sort of felt I knew something wasn't right I didn't act on it for the first few weeks which I feel terrible about now. Anyway you've had some good ideas above and I hope things improve for you soon.

MamaBear17 Sun 19-May-13 21:18:30

Have you tried swaddling? I found it really helped me with my DD when she was tiny. She would not be put down but swaddling helped to extend her sleep times (as in, swaddle, let her fall to sleep on me and then lay her down in her carrycot or moses basket). I also found placing her on her side with a rolled up blanket behind her helped too. My dd had colic and cried a lot. Most of the time I just held her because it was all I could do, but for times when I needed to shower or eat the swaddle helped. BF has nothing to do with a baby being 'clingy'. I had primary lactation failure so had to bottlefeed after bf failed and she was still clingy. It is a newborns survival instinct to try and keep its mother close. Your baby is just doing what comes natural. The best piece of advice I was given during the hell that was colic was this: The more cuddles a baby has in the first 6 months of its life, the more emotionally secure the baby will grow up to be. Sure enough, I have a confident, outgoing and happy 21 month old who is happy to be left in the company of pretty much anyone. In fact, I was reminded of this yesterday when my mum babysat for a few hours so that hubby and I could go to the cinema. I took her to my mums house, bent down and explained to her that we were going and she was staying with nanny and she looked at me and said 'Bye mummy, DD stay nanny now'. Then fetched my car keys and handed them to me when I didn't leave quickly enough! Enjoy your cuddles now, it will pass quickly x

Kafri Sun 19-May-13 20:21:55

White noise here too! DS now 5m and still sleeps with white noise. We figured out quite early on that the hoover soothed him a little so went with it. Downloaded an app to iPad/DH's iPhone/my phone and he sleeps with that going the whole time.
During naptimes, if I turn the app off, he's awake within minutes!

Hemlet Sun 19-May-13 18:14:26

My boy is 10 weeks old too :-)

Hemlet Sun 19-May-13 18:13:47

I have to say that white noise is a life saver for me. I downloaded it onto my phone and play it on a fairly low volume. It does the trick almost every time -worth a try? :-)

Kafri Sat 18-May-13 09:48:20

Sorry I forgot to put this in my original post...

If your family (can't remember which member you said, sorry) are adamant it's cos you're breastfeeding just tell them

'You can't spoil a newborn, they don't understand enough to be able to manipulate you. All they have known is being attached to you and rocked about as you got on with stuff while pg and some babies have more trouble adjusting to life outside and unattached'

i'm damned sure if someone picked me up and plonked me down in a completely different environment i'd have trouble readjusting and i'm 29! grin

cakesonatrain Sat 18-May-13 08:27:02

Sorry, just reread the not liking being put down bit!

cakesonatrain Sat 18-May-13 08:25:59

...or take her with you and lie her on a blanket (indoors)?

cakesonatrain Sat 18-May-13 08:23:54

If she screams when you're off having a shower etc, then just take her with you.
Weekdays I shower with an audience of one toddler and one baby (in bouncy chair). If you're hanging washing out, take her out with you. Makes everything a bit more faffy as you have multiple trips with baby in bouncy chair, but stops the screaming.
Only works if your baby likes the bouncy chair, I suppose.

MiaowTheCat Fri 17-May-13 10:17:28

I've got the same problem - rejected a moby, mei tai, connecta and I'm buggered if I'm buying anything else to try out.

Swingy chair seems to work OK for us (the kiddicare £25 jobs are fab), apart from the great big galumphing one year old trying to learn to pull up to stand who tries to bellyflop the bloody swing chair or steal her sibling's socks. I end up pinned to the floor instead of the sofa running interference between the pair of them!

Kafri Thu 16-May-13 21:45:17

oh the memories!

for the first 12 weeks of ds life, dh amd I literally did shifts with him. he also had awful reflux along with his screamy/colicky tantrums and tummy troubles so had it from all angles bless him

anyway - hes 5m now and is much much calmer apart from today it seems.

he's still, er, high maintenance. I have to be on him ALL the time keeping him on the right side of happy and he whines a lot but not screaming like he did in those early days.

I had a book recommended to me BABY BLISS by HARVEY KARP. in fact, a very lovely MNer sent it to me and it made me see ds differently - Google Harvey Karp and see what you think.

well, none of that essay helps you get anything done around dc and I have said many a time that im not sure how id cope in a couple of years if we have another who's as hard work and time consuming as ds???

id guess - as a pp said - do littke bits as and when. are u bf? that might be a time you could do something with other dc as well? I have friends with newborns who feed them while playing with toddler.

other than that - er, it won't last forever. helpful, aren't I? grin

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 20:14:03

Ooh! I have got one of those - very nice smile Sorry to hear about the babystyle, have you got any recourse to the seller still or is it too long ago? Sounds quite dangerous. I'm glad dd is Ok though.

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 20:05:29

Hopefully, she did that all the time at first but now its unusual for her to even sit in it without screaming so I'm quite pleased grin

I bought a second hand Babystyle Lux when i was pregnant because we were trying to save as much as possible, the suspension (stupid little black plastic bits that flap about) collapsed when i put her in it yesterday to do the school run so i took the carrycot off to check the chassis and the holding bracket came off with it, snapped rivets and all!

Needless to say the carrycot and seat are looking for a new home and the frame has found is way to the dump. I've splurged now and a shiny new Mutsy 4Rider should be here on Tuesday grin

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 19:39:10

Peanut I think you're onto a winner. 2 hours is amazing!

Btw what pram do you have that broke? I am interested in prams so would be keen to know what the issues are and if I can help.

Sparkling, tinkly is right. It's no improvement this time round. Rock a bye baby alternated with Fur Elise and something else. with the wrong harmonies.

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 18:42:15

we have a Fisher price take along swing (tenner second hand, prized posession) and she slept in there today for about 2 hours!

Again i do worry about her back but we have a lay flat pram and don't drive so she us literally lying down the rest of the time which gives be sine comfort lol

Sparklingbrook Thu 16-May-13 17:49:01

Oh yes I forgot how large it was. grin Still worth it though. What tunes do the new fangled ones play Rooney?

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 17:33:41

yunno, we got one for ds2 years ago and barely used it - but this time it's been a HIT smile

onlything is it takes up most of the living room. I am countingthe weeks till the swing part is no longer suitable and we can just use it as a chair!!

Sparklingbrook Thu 16-May-13 17:11:02

I bet it puts my Graco 1999 version to shame Rooney. IIRC the one seat setting was laid fairly flat. I had to turn the tinkly tunes off. It was money well spent and has been round everyone that has had a baby since.

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 17:09:17

Sparkling, we've got the fisher price version and I swear it's the only place he will sleep in the day. I'm not sure how great it is for his back etc at this age but it's that or no sleep! Brilliant invention, the baby swing.

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 16:46:38

Totally understand. I have a supportive family wrt BF so was way luckier in that sense or I'd have crumbled I think.

FWIW tell them to get knotted. ! (in your head anyway) I had an averagely tricky baby, who is now 9, and was BF till 16 months, and then a bloody easy baby who is now 5 and I breastfed him till he was at school. He cried twice in the first 6 months, I shit you not.

Now I have got another screecher smile
It's not the breastfeeding!!!!

Sparklingbrook Thu 16-May-13 16:42:26

Get one of these. DS1 is 14 now and they weren't that posh in 1999. He and DS2 loved it.

There are different speeds. Number 3 was a bit 'pirate boat' but number 2 was perfect. smile

Panzee Thu 16-May-13 16:39:16

I have a similar baby in the daytime, and he is bottle fed so that has nothing to do with it (which you know but I thought I'd try to help!) the problem with my sling is that it's not his preferred sleeping position (on my shoulder or nuzzled into my neck) I keep trying a nicer version of pick up/ put down which occasionally works for half an hour or so. So no advice but masses of sympathy. smile

Nevercan Thu 16-May-13 16:29:19

Mine loved the rucksack carrier on my back. I would put her I there just to get a few things done grin

Rockchick1984 Thu 16-May-13 15:49:58

Did you get any help from the sling library with how to wrap her? I tried to learn from YouTube but there's really no substitute for being taught by someone experienced, at least for the first few carries you learn.

Is she ok when being held, not unsettled or anything? The only other place my DS was completely happy was in a vibrating bouncy chair - I used to take it from room to room so that I could put him down whenever I needed to smile

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 15:22:39

Oh can i just point out i don't regularly leave her to cry for 15 minutes, i meant it as in if i need to go for a shower/get ready/hang washing etc then she will scream the whole time until I'm back so its like i have less than that to do anything if that makes sense.

I'd feel horrible if i left her in the state she gets in!

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