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Feel like a bad mother today :-(

(13 Posts)
Doodledumdums Wed 15-May-13 22:54:35

I am sitting in my car outside my house at quarter to eleven, because my four month old has been crying and awake for hours, and will not sleep and I have run out of ideas. Nothing I do is working. He hasn't napped all day, so I know he is really tired. I have never got cross or upset before, usually I am really calm with him, but i've had food poisoning for the last three days and am feeling really washed out and tired today and I just want him to sleep, because I need to sleep. Plus I pulled a muscle in my neck earlier getting DS out of the car in his carseat...which has just made me even more upset!

Sorry, just a bit of a whinge, i'm probably just being over emotional and stupid, but I just want to cry this evening!

*Disclaimer: DH is in the house...I haven't abandoned my 4 month old entirely!

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 15-May-13 22:55:54

Sorry you are struggling. Would he co sleep?

Queenofknickers Wed 15-May-13 23:00:55

Sounds like you've had a hell of a day. Nothing wrong with taking a break (have spent time in car on drive myself before!). I'm sure you aren't a crap mum at all, you've just been poorly, are in pain and have had to deal with an overtired baby non-stop. Big cry might actually help you feel better? winewinewinewinethanksthanksthanksthanks

FattyMcChubster Wed 15-May-13 23:02:52

You are far far far from being a bad mother. Don't beat yourself up so much. They all have far too many of these days, pita but totally normal.
You've done the right thing- leave him with dh and get some space and a break from it. Can dh deal with him tonight? Give you a night off?
Don't forget- this too shall pass!

wonderstuff Wed 15-May-13 23:05:27

((Hugs)) get some sleep, tomorrow will be better. Hope you feel better soon. You know you aren't really a bad mum really don't you?

mikkii Wed 15-May-13 23:06:03

You are not alone. Lots of people you think are fantastic mums have bad days too.

Have you taken any painkillers for your pulled muscle? If not, take some, they'll help you sleep.

Is your tummy settled now? If not, take something for that.

Have you eaten? Maybe some toast, or scrambled egg. Something light.

Practical things, but sometimes we need to look after us, then we can get on with looking after everyone else.

Doodledumdums Wed 15-May-13 23:18:49

Thank you everyone, you have made me feel better smile I love love love being a mum, but sometimes it's so hard.

Contrary to my original intentions Exit, I have been co-sleeping since week 2 as DS never coped well with sleeping independently, and I caved far too quickly. I have possibly created a rod for my own back here, as he is going to have to go in his cot at some point, and I have no idea how i'm going to tackle that challenge!

DH has just come out to the car and said that he has managed to get baby to sleep (god knows how, i've been trying for hours, and he waltzes in and manages it in 15 minutes!) so I think I can brave the house again now. Maybe when I was in the house he could smell my milk and it was agitating him?

I'm glad to hear that i'm not the only one who has spent time in a car on the driveway, Queen!

It's days like this when I wish I could have some wine! (Bloody breastfeeding!) I'd happily have some chocolate as a substitute, but firstly I don't have any, and secondly...probably best avoided anyway until the food poisoning has totally gone!

Thank goodness for my car...I never thought that I would see a day when a car would become a mini sanctuary!

mummy2benji Wed 15-May-13 23:51:00

With ds1 I used to find a short trip to the supermarket late evening when dh was home and able to look after the baby the epitome of freedom. I have never enjoyed food shopping but pushing the trolley round by myself was bliss! Do anything you need to get out and have a bit of freedom, even if it seems rather crazy, like sitting in the car in the driveway wink A few minutes break can help restore some sanity and clarity.

Lots of babies cry all evening - because they are tired (too tired to sleep - how paradoxical is that!), because they have wind / colic, or just because they are babies and therefore can (us adults can't get away with it so easily). All you can do is wind him, cuddle, carry round to soothe / rock him and help to calm him down, try a bit of gripe water or Infacol if you think he has wind, dump baby on your dp and leg it out the house It does improve! Dd2 used to grouch and scream in the evenings when she was very small, I think t started to settle at around 3 months. She is 6 months now and although she cries after her last feed it s just tiredness and she goes to sleep then when I put her down.

I'm sure you're a great mum, just keep going and repeat to yourself the words of Dory from Finding Nemo to yourself when you feel the sanity starting to slide away - "Just keep swimming... Just keep swimming!" x

Doodledumdums Thu 16-May-13 00:20:22

A late night trip to the supermarket sounds like a good idea! Although I must admit that I do like going shopping during the day, as I love it when people stop me to coo over my baby! grin

His crying had settled down, but he seems to be regressing a bit. Just when you think you have turned a corner and made a bit of progress, it all changes again!

Good idea to repeat the words of Dory! smile

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 16-May-13 09:59:22

We co slept for years. My sleep, such as it was, was far more important than putting her in a cot.

Hope you are feeling brighter today

FattyMcChubster Thu 16-May-13 11:18:33

There's no problem co sleeping, no rod for your back. You do what you have to do to get through.
Parenting is hard as there's no rules and as fast as you get use to a routine, it changes again.
I used to find it so upsetting when dd cried for me but settled for her dad. When I look back now it was probably a mix of me being tired, stressed and her smelling my milk whereas he came in 'fresh' to it if you like and hadn't had to deal with it all day.
Sometimes a break from it is all you need and that's never a bad thing.
hope you feel better today.

3Caramel Thu 16-May-13 13:47:19

Poor you! I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

It is so hard for Mums, as it's just constant, so hiding in the car & getting out of the house on your own is a good idea! I'm sure you're doing a great job and as the other Mums said, some days you just need to get through them, as tomorrow hopefully will be a little bit easier.

Doodledumdums Thu 16-May-13 19:39:18

Thanks everyone smile

I am feeling much better today, and my baby had a two hour nap earlier and was asleep by 7:30 tonight, so i'm feeling much more human and less emotional!

Hopefully no need to hide in the car this evening!

Thank you for all being so lovely and supportive thanks

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