Struggling to get headspace with non stop 5 yo(12 Posts)
My DS (7!) is the same - non-stop chatting and non-stop movement from when he wakes, until when he's put to bed. He's an only child, which explains some of it. It's easier now that he's a bit older because I can get a 10 minute break by asking him to do things to help out - usually these things take him out of the room/house - eg walk the dog, visit the shop, get something from the shed/his room/the back garden. I also find that when it gets too much, getting him to talk on the telephone is a good idea (I have some friends and family who are ready to help with this!). We also have a few ways to deal car trips - ie you need to be quiet until the after the next news break - then he's rewarded with a loud sing song for the next song - that kind of thing. The Wii and the tablet can be a blessing for when I'm at the end of my tether. 15 minutes of peace while he sword fights avatars or shoots angry birds across the sky - bliss. It's also been easier since he's been big enough to 'play out' - he gets half hour to one hour blocks of time out with village friends, so I can get on with things without the constant questions/commentary.
The good thing - his verbal skills are pretty darned good and his emotional intelligence is not bad either. I sometimes get him to think things through to slow his talking down - eg while you're cooking - can you think of 5 more things I'll need to add to the spaghetti sauce, etc etc. In the car, I get him to give directions if we're going somewhere he knows - he has to use left and right properly to play the 'game' - so he has to think about this.
Sorry, I should be telling you how it all gets better - it hasn't in our house, but I've become smarter about managing it
She sounds like a livewire dilly
My DS2 is shaping up to be similarly effusive. Poor DD wedged in the middle just quietly gets on with life, is charming and polite and...well...quiet! I think she feels there's no room to have a big personality of her own.
I was trying to have a 'stranger danger' chat with DD, letting her know that if anyone tried to get her to go with them she mustn't, & that if they said "your mummy asked me to pick you up" it wouldn't be true as we would never ask someone she didn't know to pick her up. But then we had to run through all the possible scenarios of who it might be "but if it was Casey's mum it would be ok" "no, I don't know Casey's mum" "but if it was my teach that would be ok because you know her" "yes but we'd never ask your teacher to pick you up" " but if it was grandma that's ok" ad infinitum. To be fair it is a tough concept to grasp, but sometimes I'd just like not to have to negotiate, or to have a conversation with DH without her asking questions about it.
Plus while she talks a lot she never listens!
Oh, yes! Every night I call them to the table, and every night he marches into the kitchen and stands behind me as I turn to the sink with a boiling pan of water and talks at me and every night I chew his ear off for even coming into the kitchen area when there are hot pans about. Eight years we have lived in this house and it hasn't sunk in yet
He says "Mum" randomly and then no more, but if anyone else tries to say something in the "long enough to think he has stopped talking" gap, he shouts them down with an "Em, excuse me, I was talking" It's like he just has to let us know he is there every waking minute of every day.
And trying to watch anything on TV with him is a No No. He talks through everything, asking questions about what might happen (I don't know I haven't seen it) or gives a running commentary (mum, they're going in the derelict house, mum, mum), even though I am two feet away from the TV and trying to watch it too.
Thankfully he is of an age where I can send him to his room to read or arse about on the laptop. He thinks he is getting a privilege, taking my laptop upstairs, but really it's just so I can get some P&Q for half an hour
Mind you, we do chat about lots of stuff as well, which is good I suppose <remembers that advert from a few years ago...was it to do with drugs?>
Thanks for the link
Not much hope she'll grow out of it then Daisy?! Yesterday at dinner I got up & stormed out of the kitchen & ate in the living room. While I'm making dinner she hovers around saying "can I help? I don't like pepper" (er I know that, I have been your mother for 6 years!). Then it's "I want the xxx bowl, I want this, can I have a drink?" just as I am trying to sit down and it. And god forbid I try & talk to DH, she just talks over us.
A few weeks ago I set her a challenge to be silent at the dinner table for 2 minutes. We did it every day for a week before she could get through the full 2 minutes. The very worst is in the car, but in there she does respond well to "quiet time" when I am trying to concentrate.
I just don't think it is good for her either. She has no wind down mechanism. The only thing that keeps her quiet is the iPad.
Aw dilly, much empathy. DS1 is the same; almost 11 years of it now (well technically about 9.5). I am praying he will turn into a surly recalcitrant teeenager soon, and will just give out the odd grunt
His worst trait is speaking for other people; I'll ask DD or DS2 a question, and DS1 will answer for them.
DH asked me earlier "were you warm enough in bed last night love?" as we put the summer duvet on yesterday, and before I could answer, DS1 pipes up, "yeah I was" <-- exasperated face
He assumes that everyone and everything involves him and gives us a constant talk through of his life in the minutest detail. From morning till night, it's Minecraft, Transformers, Halo, lego, zombies and rthe best ways to kill them and and and and and....
I am bloody worn down with it too. so no advice, but much and sympathy. Mind you I am slowly training all of them to leave mum alone whilst she is knitting/crocheting as I generally starting muttering and counting when they come near
I feel your pain. DS just turned 5 and I feel guilty for thinking one of the nicest things about him being ill just now is the silence.
Sorry, forgot to make link clickable: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1748489-to-sometimes-feel-so-suffocated-by-my-4yr-old
There was another thread on this last week - http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1748489-to-sometimes-feel-so-suffocated-by-my-4yr-old
I don't think anyone came up with any magic solutions (mine sometimes involved retreating to bed with a 'headache') but it may make you feel less alone. It's a stage, which some of them grow out of faster than others.
My dd is like this too....and I'm an introvert.
I want my own sensory deprivation tank.
My DD is the same...does not stop...ever...even in her sleep. Drives us completely batty! She is in my ear as I write this now, non-stop. I know how you feel. I can totally emphasize but I have no advice to offer....
While she is at school during the day is my relief. I relish the silence then.
DD1 is 5 nearly 6. She is lovely & pretty well behaved but she just does not shut the fuck up. From the minute she is awake to the the minute she falls asleep (& even in her sleep) we get a constant stream of consciousness, requests, especially for things in the future (Mummy, can I ride my scooter to school on Monday? - I just don't know yet - it's Friday!)
I'm an extrovert myself but it is so wearing. I feel like I can't hear myself think? I certainly can't make decisions about random things a week in advance.
Today I really lost it as I was just so worn down. I work 4 days a week but look after the kids Fri/Sat while DH at work. I'm also studying in the evenings so have v little down time which is why I'm struggling more than usual.
Anyone have the same feeling? Or any strategies? I can't exaggerate how talkative she is. EVERYONE comments on it. It's endearing for about 10 mins. She can't go into a shop without telling the cashier her life story, name, birthday etc.
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