Sad feelings

[mrsmobbs]

Hi I am an older mum with a DS of 14 and since having him have become over sensitive to anything relating to death, accidents, illness etc involving kids. Let me explain anytime I read about a child who has been raped, murdered, committed suicide or just had an accident, I just start to cry, I think so deeply about the sad loss or injustice and spend days going over the things that they will not be able to do, DS came home yesterday and said boy in his class was hit by a car whilst on his bike on holiday over bank holiday weekend and is in a hospital miles away in an induced coma. He is still with us but I keep thinking about life without him, both for his parents and at school. I am sure we all feel this way, another boy a school committed suicide 18 months ago and it became an obsession as I trawled the net looking for news and read messages on his facebook. I did not even know him. I am glad I have a heart but sometimes it takes over and like today when I should be thinking of my own family I can only think of the lad in hospital. Anyone else this sensitive or do I just need to get a grip.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

To an extent this seems natural - a reaction of sympathy, a flicker of "There but for the grace of God..." etc. From what you have described I agree with your use of the word "obsession". Dwelling for a prolonged period on sad tragic events that don't touch us directly serves no purpose unless we are inspired to do something eg fundraising, accident prevention. Do you work in a stressful job, are you bringing home worries and other people's cares?

Maybe this extreme response is triggered by events in your past. It is possible you don't feel you deserve to be settled, content, 'blessed'. Perhaps you feel an underlying anxiety that you and your family are vulnerable, that happiness is transitory. I could say do get a grip but isn't it exhausting, this sort of speculation and grieving, albeit one step removed?

Have you considered talking to your GP?

[Secondme]

I often feel like this and so does dd although she show it openly to me while I try to conceal my feelings. You are not the only one and I am sure lots of people feel like this at least sometimes. There are loads of sad things in the world and I tell dd that we can't worry about everything in the world otherwise we would have no happy times. She finds it normally comes at night, on her own (same here) and so I just think of happy things or run through my day.
Sometimes it overwhelms me and I just get so sad (like the boy in the coma you talked about) thinking about how it could happen to me or the dc.
So just stay strong and be happy. It's never just you experiencing bad times.

[mrsmobbs]

Thanks for your posts good to know others feel the same, but I agree I cannot change all the sad and hurt in the world, I know it will pass and I just must keep happy thoughts. I am lucky to have a good life but it was not always like this, just have to look forward and stop reading mail on line which always manages to find the heartbreaking stories be it of people or animals

[sensesworkingovertime]

Hi Mrsmobbs, I can totally understand what you are saying. I too have a DS of 14 and a younger DD and definitely since having children I hate to watch/read anything about bad things happening, esp involving children. I think it's probably quite normal if you are a sensitive personality but..

..think it becomes a problem when it is affecting your day to day life and you are not enjoying life for worrying about all the bad stuff. Obviously any bad story about children you (this is what I do) think to yourself 'what if that was my child, how on earth would I cope'? The worst was when DS was age 2 and James Bulger's killers were released from 'prison', I couldn't cope with the details of that story at all.

The other thing I find hard at the moment (are you like this) is your DS reading about all this awful stuff going on too - they've only got to turn on a PC now for the news to come on immediately. You wonder just what goes through their minds when they read it.

So, I hope you find some comfort in that you are definitely not on your own but hope you can find a way to cope and a way to enjoy life without too much worry. I am thinking of getting myself some self help books, have you though of this?

[Piemother]

Me too! I had a thread back along. It's v hard