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Clingy DS.....not good at socialising.

(8 Posts)
2712 Fri 10-May-13 12:12:52

My Ds started school last sept, he turned 5 last month.
He has a "best friend" in his class who he always gravitates to every morning and this boy seems to like my DS.
However, on Monday DS was invited to go to a different boys house for tea. He knows this boy as in same class, but not really close, so I was a bit suprised when his mum said her DS wanted my DS to come for tea.
I was really pleased though and said yes automatically. However, DS has refused to go full stop. It's not that he doesn't like this boy, he's just a bit clingy, always has been and likes me to be with him as much as possible.
Refused to go so I ( not wanting to hurt this boys feelings) made up a lie this morning that DS couldn't come due to a last minute dentist appointment that I had forgotten about. This poor boy then burst into tears, leaving me feeling like a right shit. His mum said it was fine and that we could arrange another playdate next week!
I would love DS to go but he doesn't want to. What should I do? I really want to be honest, but don't want to hurt this boys feelings (or his mums) by say DS just doesn.t want to come.

Pinkflipflop Fri 10-May-13 12:21:29

I would tell the mum of the boy the truth and hope that she is sensible and invites your ds again.

Maybe you could go with your ds?

Arrange a coffee/ activity with the other mum and her ds?

Pinkflipflop Fri 10-May-13 12:22:25

Oh just saw she is happy to rearrange!

steppemum Fri 10-May-13 12:45:11

would he go if you stayed? That would be a good stepping stone for him. I would not force him, but try and make a situation where he would feel confident. How about at your house first? Or a park? Any out of school setting. I would also explain to other mum when ds isn't there. Your ds wants to go in theory but the reality is too scary. Then she will understand and try and find a mutual solution.

BennettsBiscuit Fri 10-May-13 12:48:16

Ring the mum, tell her the truth and ask if you can make it a short play date where you stay. Maybe start off playing a game with them and then see what your DS does? If he knew the mum a bit and knows she's nice he might be more relaxed about it.

SoHHKB Fri 10-May-13 12:55:02

My dd (now 7) has always been like this about going to new places. On occasions I have gone with her but the compromise I've reached with her now is to meet her after school to 'collect her bag' and see her into the other parent's care and then I leave her to it. It's a bit of a faff but it has enabled her to be confident enough to enjoy a playdate and I'm sure she'll progress from this in her own time...
<blush at shocking pfb behaviour wink>

2712 Fri 10-May-13 16:05:46

I would stay with DS at the play date but I have 2 other DCs and not sure this boys mum would appreciate me dragging along a bossy DD (6) and a moody DS (11).
Would invite him to our house but I get the impression he is just as clingy and nervous with new places as my DS.

BennettsBiscuit Fri 10-May-13 18:20:38

Definitely talk to her then! Maybe if they played in the park or something?

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