parenting tips please - im crap at it!!!

[plum100]

Hi everyone,

hoping I can get some advice. 3 children - eldest 9 - had ipod, tv and internet taken off her today as punishment, she behaves badly and I warn her and warn her and she just doesnt listen and when I say 'are you listening' she replies ' yeah - see ya !' and walks off!!!!

I am honestly at the end of my tether to the point where I don't want to spend anytime with her - how bad is that? SHe used to be the love of my life and now I feel I am just telling her off all the time and she's teaching her siblings to be badly behaved. She doesn't listen to me and now it's almost like a power struggle between us - i just want her to do as shes told first time but she won't be told what to do and will always say yeah wait - and then it becomes about the principle not the actual action.

I'm really unhappy and i'm sure she probably is too.

[exoticfruits]

I think you need to sit her down on her own- with your DP if you have one- and make the boundaries.
Tell her that it isn't working and that it isn't making either of you happy so you need a new way.
How much independence are you giving her? How much responsibility does she have in the way of household chores etc? How much difference does she have for being the eldest?
Write a few rules with her and keep it simple- one would be that you don't walk away saying 'yeah' when someone is speaking to you. Have sanctions and rewards in place.
Make sure that she has things like a later bedtime and you do things with her alone in that time- at the same time get her cooking, washing up etc.
At 9yrs I don't think she needs all those things- since she has them-tell her that they are privileges and have to be earned.

[plum100]

Thanks Fruits.

I think she is very independent. She sets her alarm at 6am and gets herself up and ready( she doesnt need to leave the house till 8.25). She empties the dishwasher before school and if she's in a helpful mood she will make us a tea and sometimes help do her sisters' hair and get them dresses. ( othertimes she will run round chasing them and winding them up). She walks to school by herself and at home time I meet her at the park. She is responsible for keeping her room tidy and putting her clothes away and doesn't have to be asked to do this.

She gets to stay up about 15 mins later than the others and has an ipod as she is older. When shes good she's great. And then other times its like she just wants to upset everyone - and no matter how many warnings she gets she goes all the way. Its horrid becausse I love so much.

[Beechview]

Have a look at this website. I found it really helpful and useful.
www.ahaparenting.com/

[exoticfruits]

You have a lot of positives there- it seems you just need to work on attitude.