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I think my DS is "that" kid [sad]

(10 Posts)
fairylightsinthespring Thu 09-May-13 14:35:22

DS is 3.8 and we are starting to suspect he may have some form of SN in the way of ASD or ADHD. He goes to a couple of classes and he is always the one not watching or listening, randomly singing or doing his own thing. At nursery he is ok, but is always the one who doesn't sit and listen to the story or do phonics when all the others do. At swimming today he was splashing about and not following the lesson and you can just feel the other mums looking hmm. He's not disruptive but it is obviously distracting. At home he can be an absolute delight but sometimes will just start singing or repeating something off the TV and will not stop, no matter what you say. We may be jumping the gun a bit with the SN, as he is often the youngest in these groups, (August birthday) and it may just be maturity (or lack of!). Just wondered if there were any similar experiences out there or if someone can reassure me that the other mums aren't hmming at him and me. (or what I can say if they are!!) Feeling really upset about it today, like we're letting him down somehow if we don't "fix" him. Many thanks.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 09-May-13 14:41:36

My DS1 was just the same at this age, and we were very worried about him starting school.

He is now two terms into reception year and has settled brilliantly and is doing very well and making friends.

I know exactly what you mean about the hmm looks, and tbh I have just learned to ignore them.

The only thing I will say is that it might be worth getting his eyes checked. DS1 now wears glasses, and we realised that the reason he wouldn't sit and listen to a story at preschool or messed around in a group was because he couldn't really see what was going on so he disengaged.

And (((hugs))) because it is stressful when you feel that things are not quite as they should be.

braceet Fri 10-May-13 09:36:31

Other mothers can be a nightmare, they can as ruthless as pack animals. Maybe if your child is singing and making a noise, rather than keep telling him to stop, distract him - or join in for a while then stop, and do something else with him. He sounds as if he is enjoying himself smile
He is only 3, bless him, can he really be expected to follow a story, do phonics or listen to intructions given by a swimming teacher, you'll always get kids who CAN do those things at an early age, but just go with the flow.
My eldest son (he's now 23) was like this and was written off by his primary school as SN etc, he's now excelled in science at Uni and is doing very well for himself.
I used to worry myself sick over what other mothers used to think and say about my kids, SN, ASD, Aspergers etc etc, and all of the rest of these things they label kids with, but travelling home one day on the train from London I sat opposite a mother and her mother (granny) with a very sick baby who had a tube down his nose, he was struggling to breathe, they had been to Great Ormond Street, I was nearly in tears all the way home, it made me so grateful to have healthy children and from that day on I really counted my blessings.
Good luck.

flossymuldoon Fri 10-May-13 10:28:00

My DS is the same and also 3.8. I tried a couple of classes a while ago and they were a disaster as he refused to do what the others were doing and i started to get stressed. I now avoid any organised classes and just stick with things that give him as much chance as possible to do his own thing.

He won't join in party games at parties, do group activities, or join in adult instigated organised activities at nursery either, and he can't be persuaded or bribed so i don't even try. As long as he's not disrupting other kids enjoyment of the activity then i leave him to it.

He is slightly on the shy side and likes to be in control but other than that I don't worry that there is anything wrong with him and now i secretly quite like the fact that if he doesn't want to take part that he's confortable letting me know rather than conform all the time. I take his strength of character as a positive.

Ignore the other Mums. Who cares what they think. As long as you and your boy are ok and happy then that's what counts!!

mummy2benji Fri 10-May-13 16:30:23

Definitely don't compare him to any girls his age - boys are very different, and often go through a bit of a wild phase around that age where they are hard to manage and have all the concentration span of a gnat. I seem to remember ds1 being a bit like that. He is now 4 1/2 and has had no problems at school and is fine social and development-wise. I would wait until at least age 5 before you start to worry about anything like that. (I'm also a GP)

MrsPear Fri 10-May-13 16:39:06

Please don't label him yet; he is still very young! To me (and i am in no way qualified) he sounds like a "normal" (god how i hate that word!) little boy. By all means check his hearing and sight to rule anything out (my ds has hearing loss and it is very difficult to engage him in story time at nursery) but to me it is something that your little boy will more than likely grow out of - just remember this country is unusual in the age we start school. In Europe it is around 7 and i think that makes more sense!

fairylightsinthespring Sat 11-May-13 06:28:21

thanks everyone, lots of reassurance on here, and you're right about the girls mummy2benji, they are almost without exception, way ahead. At parties all the girls are so into it, understand and play all the games, dance etc. The boys just round around yelling or cling to their mums. DS hates loud noise so, while he always wants to go, doesn't always have good time. As for the other mums, well, as you say, not a lot to be done and most of them probably aren't thinking badly, it just feels like it! Good to hear that school seems to have such a positive effect. The pre-school and the classes are actually helping to "get" the idea of listening, waiting etc and he is improving so fingers crossed that will continue.

JellyMould Sat 11-May-13 06:35:45

My little boy is 3.9 and very similar. Both nursery and preschool have noticed it but say they aren't concerned. I've actually found this thread very reassuring!

Chubfuddler Sat 11-May-13 06:37:21

I second the advice to get his eyesight, and would say his hearing too, checked. He may be disengaging because he's struggling to follow egrets going on.

Other then that he sounds like a completely normal 3 year old boy. Not all 3 year old boys are like this, but I know lots of boys who were including my own. A year ago I was convinced DS had ADHD or similar as although he was bright, engaged and socially aware he just could not sit still at school (he was in reception then). Like, not ever. He's now 6 and coming up to the end of year 1 - total transformation. I think he just wasn't really ready for school before.

olivo Sat 11-May-13 06:41:23

I have an August girl, same age, who is very like your DS. Friends have encouraged met goo go to classes with her, but she is just too young compared t other, even though she so the same age, IYSWIM. She is also very shy, and I will not push her if she is going to feel uncomfortable.

Starting school is going to be interesting......confused

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