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Age gap between siblings - your experiences please!

(18 Posts)
Cakebaker35 Wed 08-May-13 20:31:37

DD is currently 18 months. Definitely would like to have another one but no more, was originally thinking a 2.5 or 3 year age gap would be good, but someone helpfully pointed out to me recently that I'm no spring chicken (37 this year) so should just get on with it! Had a rough time with DD in the early stages thanks to emergency section and resulting complications for us both, so likely to be an elective c section next time around with all the fun of recovery. hmm

Would love to hear other people's experiences/thoughts.

barnet Wed 08-May-13 20:36:08

26 months age difference here, i think its ideal. Are 5yrs and 7yrs now. Rough start for both of them, due to birth injuries etc, but it just gets easier and easier in my experience so far. Good luck!

quickchat Wed 08-May-13 21:18:59

I have 3 with 2.5 years between each. I find it to be a good gap. Manageable because you could kind of explain thing's and they can understand a bit more than say, an 18 month old.
They were out of nappies and capable of waiting a bit for lunch while you feed the baby for example.
First two are a DS & DD and best buddies. Close enough to play once DD got to 2 and obviously that gets better as they grow (now 3.5 & 6).. I have an 8 month old DS too and they both love him.

On the other hand maybe it's worth just going for it with your age in mind (I am 36 so not far behind you)!
I debated so much about the 2nd and I also debated long and hard about a third. I decided not to bother with a third due to complications with first PG but he decided he was coming anyway grin.
In hind sight I think we all worry too much. It is a big decision but never one you will regret. Go for it now!

Cakebaker35 Thu 09-May-13 09:41:33

Thank you both, I do like the idea of being able to explain things a bit to the older one...hmm perhaps we will just let nature take its course, I.e. stop preventing it but not plan too carefully - that's one way to avoid making a decision!!

carriedawayannie Thu 09-May-13 09:43:44

3 years here. Perfect IMO. Dd1 was old enough to understand a lot whilst I was pg and after dd2 was born.

meandtheboys Thu 09-May-13 11:23:00

We've got 4 years between my 2 boys. It worked out well. DS1 was already having his 15 hours of school a week when I got pregnant then he'd gone full time in the September after he turned 4 when I had DS2 in the Decemeber. It worked out great. DS1 didn't feel pushed out because he was already well settled at the school before DS2 came along.

He was old enough to understand why Mummy needed him to put his own shoes on when I was heavily pregnant, he had enough empathy to understand that when DS2 cried he needed me. He has never shown any jealousy or aggression towards his brother, despite him not being a particularly easy baby/ toddler! DS2 is now 16 months and adores his big brother.

I think this is one of these questions there is no answer to though! I think everyone will think there's worked out OK because you make it work. What will be will be. I think with your age you still have enough time to wait for at least another couple of years so don't feel like time is running out. People can have problems with fertility in their 20s, 30s and 40s, if you conceived easily last time there's no saying you won't next time just because of a year or two.

SurreyWithAFringeOnTop Thu 09-May-13 11:45:15

We have four years between our two sons. Just echoing what meandtheboys said; it has worked out brilliantly for us.

The older one has not felt pushed out as he has his own life/friends at pre-school, and likes to help out and feel needed. I get lots of one to one time with the baby, almost like have a firstborn again.

I can highly recommend it. I was 35 and 39 when I had my two, so I think you have plenty of time yet!

BeCool Thu 09-May-13 11:57:30

3.5 years - perfect gap IME.
It wasn't planning - just nature. I had 2nd at 43

MiaowTheCat Thu 09-May-13 13:04:33

11 months... it's fine - frantic, but generally fine. I view it as short term pain for long term gain, plus not getting used to being able to sleep again before the long nights resumed.

Jinty64 Thu 09-May-13 14:23:36

23 months between the first two. Good age gap - ds1 wasn't old enough to be jealous, still had naps, one activity suited both, clothes handed straight down and were the right season etc, etc, etc. 8 yrs 10 mths between the next two. Good age gap - ds's 1 & 2 were able to walk to school by themselves, they could watch ds3 whilst I showered and fetch and carry for me. They were too old to be jealous and needed less support with homework. It's great now as they can take ds3 to the park and babysit.

It's what you make it.

Cakebaker35 Thu 09-May-13 20:16:38

Thank you all, so interesting to hear your experiences and just goes to show you do just make it work for you and your family. I got pregnant immediately first time around having been on the pill for 15 years so we were very lucky indeed I think, but I don't count on this being the same second time around so thinking we should probably just get on with it if we know we want a second. Yikes!

Jinty64 Fri 10-May-13 07:25:48

Good luck!

Exhaustipated Fri 10-May-13 07:39:59

I have a 2.9 age gap. If I did it again I would probably go for a slightly bigger gap so that DS was properly potty trained and already settled at preschool. Say 3.5.
But there do seem nicely close in age and will only be two school years apart which seems rather sweet for some reason smile

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Fri 10-May-13 07:43:22

4 years and a month between DD and DS1 - Too much IMO.

19 months between DS1 and DS2 - Not enough IMO.

7 years between DS2 and DS3 - Faaaar too much IMO, and a PITA with Primary school - as DS2 leaves to start Y7 in Secondary, DS3 will start Reception.

I will have done 20 solid years of school runs without even a year's break by the time DS3 leaves Primary.

I HATE school runs. I have almost finished my 11th year of them. 9 more to go...

PoppadomPreach Fri 10-May-13 07:45:08

16 months here. Perfect for us - they are now 4 and 5 and play, play, play all day long!

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Fri 10-May-13 11:00:23

I would have loved a 2-3 year age gap. I think, from what I've seen of friends with a 2-3 year gap, it works far better than the odd spacing I have between mine.

Myliferocks Fri 10-May-13 11:05:30

DD1-DD2 4 and a half years
DD2-DD3. 19 months
DD3-DS1. 15 months
DS1-DS2. 13 months

The best gap I would say is actually the 2 years and 11 months between DD2 and DS1 closely followed by the 4 years and 5 weeks between DD2 and DS2.

clairebear88 Fri 10-May-13 11:09:04

Hi

I only have a DS aged 16 months and in the same predicament as would like another child but unsure of whats a good gap. It took us 4 years of trying for DS so we are just letting nature take course. i am 36 too so know how you feel with the clock ticking.
good luck x

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