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Parents of older children.....

(18 Posts)
handlemecarefully Fri 19-May-06 19:09:40

Were any of you 'indifferent' (I mean 'not very good' rather than 'uncaring') parents when your children were small (pre-schoolers), but came into your own a bit more as they grew older?

I just find small children rather wearing - especially given they are at home with you making constant demands almost continuously....I harbour this vague hope that as they grow older (and thus can entertain themselves longer than 5 minutes flat, don't expect me to wipe their nose/ backside etc every 3 minutes etc), that I will be more chilled and more the parent I want to be..rather than an intolerant, bitter and cross faced harridan.

Am I living in a fools paradise? or has it worked out like this for some of you...?

hunkermonkee Fri 19-May-06 19:10:19

Watching this with interest, HMC, and much empathy

Tinker Fri 19-May-06 19:12:57

Well, I'm still an intolerant, bitter and cross faced harridan with my 9 year old but a colleague, who also found the younger years tiresome, assures me all is fab with her adult children.

handlemecarefully Fri 19-May-06 19:14:12

Blimey - I'll have to wait until their in their twenties then!

juuule Fri 19-May-06 19:14:31

How adult - left home adult?

Tinker Fri 19-May-06 19:15:36

Think it got better in the teens.

Tortington Fri 19-May-06 19:15:52

i like my kids now. i dont know whether your description fitted me, as i wasn't indifferent but i was haggared, harrased and even bitter. but when kids hit 6 years old - they become great ( well mine did) there are still problems but generally thigns got better, i regained a sense of self and self worth which is important - very important becuase once your happy in yourself your a happier parent.

now mine are teenagers - its great - am off to the pictures in half an hour - oh i mean now am off !

Bink Fri 19-May-06 19:17:58

How old are yours, I can't remember, HMC? Mine are just 7 and 5-and-a-half and the glorious watershed was them being able to read. Hurray, hurray, go and read your Secret Unicorn/Tintin book, mummy will come and find you in ten minutes. Cup of tea. Stare into space. Miss child a bit and go and talk to it.

Also they become more interesting, and they tell you jokes they've come across in their reading: this morning's: "what pills do you give an elephant that can't sleep?" "Trunkquilisers!" (pause: Mummy, why do so many jokes have elephants in them?)

handlemecarefully Fri 19-May-06 19:21:06

Oh Custardo and Bink you've given me hope....

Mine are just 2 and 3.10.

Dd (3.10) is in the 'why, why, why' stage, and always asking me to play with her, go to the loo with her and never leave her side -not for a single fecking second. I'm on mumsnet now because dh is home and I've deposited them on him

Ds has a runny nose and literally every 60 seconds today it's been 'nose again mummy' as my cue to mop up more snot.

SaintGeorge Fri 19-May-06 19:23:17

Mine are 8 and (very nearly) 5 and things are improving big style.

handlemecarefully Fri 19-May-06 19:25:28

Thanks SaintG, another kernel of hope....

I do know some older children (kids of friends of mine) and I find them far easier to be with on the whole.....

QE Fri 19-May-06 19:31:57

Oh HMC, there is hope!!! My older 3 are 10, 12 and 14 and they are truly fab! They dress themselves, get their own dinner if need be, can iron, change their bedlinen and have an intelligent conversation and are great company on days out.

My younger 2 on the other hand (17 months and 3.4 years) are making me wish I hadn't bothered having another couple with dh2. Clingy, whingey, snotty, tantrummy, can't amuse themselves for more than 5 seconds at a time, blah, blah, blah......

I find myself wishing away time to when they are both at full time school. As much as I wouldn't be without them and i love them dearly, I am worn out, harrassed, irritable and moody wishing I could have some time away on my own. It feels like such hard work just now.

Roll on their teens - far easier and much more interesting!!!

charmkin Fri 19-May-06 19:33:12

I have mature 6 year old dd who really is the most delightful company and is lovely and helpful and fun to have around.But I really miss her when she is at school and she is more independent. And at the same time I have a trying to walk, screaming, demanding 11month old ds, who is still bfeeding and dependent and needs me all the time.

I am finding it hard to balance how nice she is with what a pain he is.

So I can see both sides here. It does get better but then you miss it when it's gone...

handlemecarefully Fri 19-May-06 19:34:19

I wish I could convey the TOTAL RELIEF that is sweeping over me as I read this.

Thank you - you've thrown me a lifeline

tamum Fri 19-May-06 19:34:53

I have just been saying on the other thread how much I enjoy the company of my children (8 and 11). I was never indifferent to them, far from it, but I am much less shouty and stroppy than I was when they were young. Being able to have normal amounts of sleep helps enormously, too.

tamum Fri 19-May-06 19:35:18

Oh, and it's been like this for 4 or 5 years

handlemecarefully Fri 19-May-06 19:36:59

I'm printing this one out to keep so I can re-read it on my darker days

foxinsocks Fri 19-May-06 19:41:47

I am not a baby/small toddler person at all. Dd (5) is now great especially as she can go off with a book and read to herself. Ds (4) is getting better by the day and by the end of this year, I imagine he'll be a lot more self sufficient (once he starts school).

It's so much nicer now that we can enjoy proper whole days out and have decent conversations rather than worrying about naps, nappies, feeds, bottles etc.

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