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Help me stop the tears, my patience is wafer thin!

(8 Posts)
survivingthechildren Tue 07-May-13 12:26:58

I have 5 DC, the youngest of whom is DD(5). She is driving me looney. She has always had, shall we say, a dramatic flair, but this has increased ten fold in recent months.

Every. Single. Thing. She cries. Wailing, flailing, hands in the air, jumping up and down and then throwing herself on her knees. And over the most ridiculous things too!

Like today for example, when she and DS4(6) came through the door, and I asked, "what did you do today?", DS said that he had played colour tag at lunch time. Cue tears. "WAAAAHHHHHH. I wanted to teeeeelll yooouuuu. Muummmyyy make him say it baaacckk!! Say it baaacckk DS!"

Then it was tears over getting a snack. I asked if they were hungry - tears. DS wanted to see her picture as she was showing it to me - tears. Didn't want to watch TV with the other DC (as in wanted them all to leave the room and have the TV to herself) - tears.

I just cannot handle it anymore. She was put to bed very early tonight, by a highly strung out mummy. I like to consider myself a fairly no nonsense type of person, so I do not know when this drama is coming from.

I have tried talking to her, ignoring, star charts, sending to her room, etc. None of which are helping! At the moment we tell her to cut the ridiculous behaviour, and that we will not talk to her whilst she is carrying on like that. She then has to go to her room to calm down. But this is happening day in and day out. 2+ times a day. More on the weekends.

Please someone come along and tell me it's the brand on washing powder I'm using!

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 07-May-13 19:06:37

All I can say is- you deserve a medal having 5 kids. 5!!!! ... and hopefully she'll just grow out of it and it'll just be a phase. My daughter is 3 and so obstinate! She KNOWS if she says no I won't force her and that if she starts to cry, I'll back down. It's terrible parenting on my part! Must do better! :-P

Myliferocks Tue 07-May-13 19:10:05

Not sure if this will help but when one of my 5 does that we put them in their room and tell them they can come down when they have calmed down and are ready to talk nicely and behave themselves.

Sometimes it can be quite a few times in one night that we find ourselves doing this.

survivingthechildren Wed 08-May-13 02:50:37

haha Snoopy it does keep me on my toes!

OK, I guess I just have to accept this as a stage please God may it be a short one and continue with the no nonsense approach!

RubyOnRails Wed 08-May-13 03:23:08

I do what liferocks does, chuck him in bedroom Til he calms down....I'm not listening to that shit. Works like a charm. He's out an apologising and smiling within ten minutes normally (he's three). My I laws think I'm too hard doing that though.

survivingthechildren Wed 08-May-13 05:38:47

Thanks ladies. I do take quite a hard line about this, and she is quick to calm down after 5 minutes in her room, it's just that it doesn't stop the behaviour from repeating.

Bloody exhausting.

Pozzled Wed 08-May-13 06:10:13

Three-pronged approach:
1) Ignore all the wailing, keep putting her in her bedroom and don't talk to her, make eye contact or anything.

2) Praise like mad every time she's not crying, tell her how nicely she's speaking to you, how pleasant it is when you can enjoy spending time together, how mature she's being by not crying or having temper tantrums. The moment she stops crying, praise her for stopping- go completely over the top.

3) At a moment when she's calm and happy, ask her specific questions about what she should do when she feels upset. Model how to use a friendly, polite tone ofvoice to say things like: 'I was upset because...' 'It made me unhappy when...'. Get HER to tell you how to react appropriately though, don't just tell her.

I got these techniques from 'Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting' (Free copy, thanks MN grin). It really works for me, especially asking DD1 to work through the situation- the author calls it a 'think-through'.

Chubfuddler Wed 08-May-13 06:21:23

I have stumbled blindly into handling DS aged 6 as pozzled describes and it definitely works. He is more highly strung than his not even 2 year old sister, it is to an extent just the way he is, but it's definitely worse when he is tired. After five minutes of hysterics in his room he gets bored and comes down all sweetness and light.

I think sometimes we really see just how much children are trying out behaviour to see what reaction they get. He doesn't like like the reaction so it is happening much less.

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