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am i putting dd down to early?? plz help

(17 Posts)
newmummyof1 Mon 29-Apr-13 20:28:02

Hi i'm a first time mum to a 19 wk dd.

is putting her down at 7 to early? she will show al the signs of tiredness rubbing eyes yawning ect but come 7 she will not go to sleep (also like this at her 3 pm nap) she will eventually fall asleep after a massive crying fit and then will cry everytime i get back in the living room. this can go on for hours. should i just be letting her nap at 7 and bathing and everything later? i feel so lost and struggle as OH isnt really home alot and doing it alone, i also have no family around me to help. i really dread 3pm as the day just gets harder, she only has 4-5 hours sleep in the day. im going so wrong somewhere and i just dont know what to do anymore... shes still waking twice at 1am then wide awake at 5am not necessarily feeding at 5 but will be awake. any advise, critisem welcome i want bedtime to be enjoyable for both and i am getting increasingly stressed. xx

Kasterborous Mon 29-Apr-13 21:01:53

My DD wasn't in any sort of routine at 19weeks. She used to cry a lot more in the evenings and it felt like it would never end at times. If she seems tired it may be best to let her sleep then, if she needs a bath maybe do it during the day?

It will get better, you will feel less tired and stressed in time, it's really hard when they are small.

You will get into a routine in time, it can just take a while.

waterrat Mon 29-Apr-13 21:13:27

Okay a few things here - firstly, its so hard the first 6 months - really, it gets easier, I found after about 6/7 months once they are on solids, their sleep particularly in the daytime, really settles. And my absolutely terrible settling son - who would SCREAM at bedtime and have me in tears myself (but be so tired there was no way he could do anything but go to bed) - now literally rolls out of my arms and into the cot - he is 1 year old now - and it's been so much better at bedtime since about 9 months I would say.

re. the naps in the day - rather than be rigid about 3pm etc, I think at that age that is expecting too much - ignore the books that tell you they must sleep at certain times. At that age they need a nap every couple of hours - so, morning, early afternoon, late afternoon - dont worry about what time, just look for the signs.

also - babies are not robots and they need cuddles to sleep - they cry because they want you close to them - that doesn't mean you have to keep them in your arms, but it does mean that sometimes when they are tired, you will have to cuddle/rock/ sing to them even though they are exhauste d- they need your help to sleep.

being a baby is hard work! their little world is so strange and confusing - they are not rational beings like us - I really reocmmend a book called the Wonder Weeks - it will explain all the changes going on in your babies brain that make them hard to settle,.

you are not going 'so wrong' as you say - she is a baby this is what they do! they are unpredictable and they do not behave like the books say they will - and it's completely normal for her to wake at night - she is tiny, none of the babies I know slept through regularly before 8/9 months - and even now aged 1, my son sometimes wakes crying for no reason....

GingerDoodle Mon 29-Apr-13 21:16:41

Im a first timer too so can only offer my perspective.

DD from 2 1/2 weeks - 3 months used to have 2 x 3 hour (isn) napped 7am and 4pm (isn). This coincided with her being in the pram as I used to go to work with my DH and go and meet him. She would rarely nap in the day.

Over Christmas we moved her into her own room and DH got me Tizzie Hall's Save our Sleep book; DD more or less fell into her routines - napping every 2 hours. It might not work for you but it did for me - I just picked the bits of the book I liked! Her tired cues are ear pulling, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

Now (7 months) she has a short nap around 8, a longer one around lunchtime and a short one around 4. This transition has only been a recent one so we're both getting used to it! O and up until very recently she needed to be in bed by 7 otherwise she got overtired. Now she lasts till 7.30 which is nice as we can have dinner together.

Also you might want to google 54 month sleep regression.

Hope some of that helps!

newmummyof1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:18:26

i just feel so lost, i know its all part of being a mum but i never get a bit of down time when she sleeps in the day is when i try to do housework and eat.

i spend most of my nights in tears as i have no idea what it is she wants anymore, i really just dont know where im going wrong, rocking singing feeding... nothing works. shes eventually gone to sleep now after the tears and im exhausted.

shes never been a night sleeper and i was sleeping in the day but now shes got that bit older shes only sleeping for a hour each nap and by the time ive settled shes back up. x

TheSecondComing Mon 29-Apr-13 21:19:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GingerDoodle Mon 29-Apr-13 21:25:56

Have you tried a sling?

Most people will say forget the house work (and i agree) but I couldn't so I just set myself one small task each day.

cleoteacher Mon 29-Apr-13 21:30:16

I too would recommend tizzy hall book. I got my 18week old into a routine from it quite quickly and works well. It took me ages to work out when the best time for getting him to nap was. I did it by observing him and writing timings down. As a rough rule it is two hours after he wakes up. So try doing that rather than the signs. I find its all about timings, too early and he lies awake or cries too late and he cries.

Sounds like you might be leaving it too late or too early. IMO sounds like he's getting too much sleep during the day. So maybe not tired enough when he goes asleep at nighttime. I do not let my ds sleep past 5. He has two hour nap in the morning and two half hour to 45 mins in the day.

newmummyof1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:32:42

im not ridged with her sleep thats generally when shes tired it always falls around 3pm.

i let her sleep when she wants to i still demand feed, she falls asleep in my arms fine most times and i love more than anything her falling asleep on me but nothing i do in the evenings works the rocking the singing, reading a story ,cuddles. i never do housework when shes awake i spend all my time with her doing tummy time going out to the park ect ect so when shes awake shes being stimulated.

im not expecting her to sleep through the night just to go to sleep happy and without a fight. i will look into the books and the sleep regression, thanks all xx

cleoteacher Mon 29-Apr-13 21:35:41

Try bringing her Moses downstairs for day naps. I struggled for three weeks to get ds to nap during the day, often by the time I got him down he would wake as it was time for his next feed, brought his Moses downstairs and to my amazement he fell straight asleep.

Another trick which worked well getting him to sleep at night was dark room and warm bottle so practically falling asleep whilst feeding. Also if she's hungry during the night and that's why she's waking try cluster feeding before bed. I feed at 2.30,5.00 and 6.45.

kittysaysmiaow Mon 29-Apr-13 22:48:54

Hi my DS is the same age. His nighttime is roughly 7-7 but he has much less sleep during the day than your DD, usually three naps but it only adds up to about 2.5 hours total. I wonder if she is getting too much sleep during the day and isn't tired enough for bedtime at 7. As a previous poster said I also wouldn't let her sleep past 5 if you want her to go to bed at 7. Sorry you are fed up though, it is really hard work at this stage but I keep telling myself it will get easier!

kittysaysmiaow Mon 29-Apr-13 22:51:32

Oh also meant to say my DS is a cranky mess without fail at 3pm every day. I usually take him out in the buggy to get through this time of day.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Mon 29-Apr-13 22:59:21

how do you stop a baby from sleeping? confused

I'm on DC2 (9 year age gap) and its all new to me, I've forgotten the sleep stuff!

mummy2benji Tue 30-Apr-13 08:36:24

Hi there. You're not going really wrong! Babies don't need a rigid routine at that age - some have one and it works for them, but many don't and that is absolutely fine. My dd2 is 6 months and goes to bed at 9pm after her last milk feed. That will get earlier as she starts to eat more solids and drops a milk feed, but that may still take a while. She has formed her own routine - a nap around 9.30am, I put her down in her cot for a sleep at 1 - 1.30pm as she gets really tired then and cries, and then another nap either late afternoon or early evening. We play for a bit before her last feed at around 8 - 8.30pm. I didn't try to enforce this routine on her, she has just formed it herself over time. Don't try to put them to bed when they aren't tired or enforce a regime that your baby doesn't want. Just watch her and see when she looks tired or wants a feed. If she won't sleep when tired try something like the Fisher Price lullaby sea horse - my lo loves it and will happily sleep if I pop it on for her in her cot.

valiumredhead Tue 30-Apr-13 21:50:53

I recall just having ds on my lap cuddled up in front of the telly with my feet up at that age - anything for an easy life, then putting him down when I went to bed.

babyphat Wed 01-May-13 21:33:11

Me too Valiumredhead. Progressed to kindle and dark room once tv seemed to be waking her (6-7 months ish)

MinnesotaNice Wed 01-May-13 21:45:41

Oh goodness, it sounds like your doing great what with being your own and all! I know it was tough with my 2 DSs since I didn't live near family either.

What worked for me was having white noise, especially with DS1. You can either download an app if you have and iphone or there are white noise machines. The sound that my two liked was called heavy rain. Some baby swings even have white noise players built in since it seems to work well with so many babies.

HTH and good luck!

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