dd1 is 7yo (year 3) and is not getting on with her siblings at all at the moment. dd3 much prefers ds1 to dd1 and dd1 is very unhappy about it. ds2 and dd2 are very close. They are one school year apart, and get on very well with ds1 and dd3 but dd3 seems to have been locked out of the 'sibling ring', though mainly her own fault. She now refuses to acknowledge her siblings at shool and is the main ause of arguments at home. She has beome distant to me and dh too, saying dd3 should like her better beause she is a girl and that we're not doing anything about it, etc. etc. I told her that dd3 is only 2 and that she doesn't know that much about feelings yet but she won't listen. What can I do???? Feel like I am losing dd1
You talk about her not listening, but does your DD1 feel as though she's being heard? What came first, DD1 withdrawing or the sibling lock out? Does she feel as though you and your DH are excusing her being locked out? You have said that it's mainly through her own fault, in what sense do you consider her to be causing this situation?
It is quite possible that she's communicating her unhappiness about DD3 because there's something else going on that she either can't articulate or feels she's not allowed to articulate. How much 1:1 time does she get with you/DH? Maybe some quiet chat time is in order.