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Petrified of DH going back to work! 2 week old baby and 3 year old....

(13 Posts)
ladypop Mon 29-Apr-13 14:33:29

I know this issue is as old as the hills and I am normally pretty rational and undaunted by things, but my husband returns to work this week after paternity leave and I am wondering how I will cope!? We have both sets of parents who I know will help (although sometimes I actually prefer to be left to get on with it!).....husband also works shifts, so evenings and early mornings are going to be the pinch points as well as letting him get sleep in the day when both kids are being noisy! I have always found weekends quite tricky when DH is working and worried it will be even harder now we have 2.
I am not looking for magic answers just any tips people might have for a mom of a newborn and 3 yr old DS x

DoodleAlley Mon 29-Apr-13 14:47:24

I'm a week further on from you and with 4 yo rather than 3.

No family help though and still recovering from c section.

I get supplies for the day sorted like nappies etc. make packed lunches in advance too.

And I've just had to lower my expectations over what is achievable.

If I had access to family help I'd use it to give the older child some out of the house fun and me a chance to nap.

Take it easy on yourself

SneezySnatcher Mon 29-Apr-13 16:01:21

No advice but lurking! I also have a three-year-old DD (just turned 3 in March) and a two-week old DS. DH has three weeks leave, so is back next Tuesday after the bank holiday. I'm terrified - especially unsure about what to do with DD when feeding DS and trying to get him down for a nap!

To make matters worse, we are getting our roof replaced so I can't let DD out in the garden in case things drop on her! This is very annoying as we have set it up with a climbing frame/water tray/slide etc in order to keep her entertained and exercised!

I think there will be lots of trips to the park, but I'm recovering from a crash section so I can't drive!

DoodleAlley Mon 29-Apr-13 16:30:35

I've got dd napping downstairs after reading the sids stuff. It does make things a little tricky with DS being noisy but I can plonk her in there when she is asleep. Maybe not the best habit forming but you do what you need to.

I'm starting to master the art of reading to DS while he turns pages so I can feed at the same time.

And a little walk in the afternoon to perk us up seems to help, though I can't go as far as DS would like!

It is tiring and challenging but I think the anticipation is worse.

To be honest once I'm better from the c section things will improve lots.

DoodleAlley Mon 29-Apr-13 16:35:26

By the way check with your insurers about driving. Last time I got told only once I got signed off by a dr. This time they don't mind unless I've been told not to drive by a dr

D0GWithAYoni Mon 29-Apr-13 16:37:41

It always seems worse thinking about it than it actually is. Being 3 ds probably will be better with the baby and not want to hurt it but makes sure there is a safe space for baby from 3 year old, baby swings are fab. C bee belies/DVDs are your friends. A treasure basket will keep 3 year old occupied for hours. Have a special feeding box that just comes out when you feed baby, helps lessen jealousy and makes it a special time, especially if there are ds's gave books you can share etc. be kind to yourself, there will be times when everyone's crying.

Slings can be great for unsettled periods. Try and get out the house every day.

But most if all enjoy it, they grow so quick.

wonderingagain Mon 29-Apr-13 16:38:19

Get DH some really good earplugs. The last thing you want is to have to tiptoe around the house.

What are the other things you are worried about?

bonzo77 Mon 29-Apr-13 16:39:14

I found a stretchy sling invaluable. Just shoved newborn in and got on with what my toddler needed.

If you can afford it get a cleaner.
Ditto tumble drier.

In the unlikely event both children are asleep, FGS put your feet up. Even if you don't actually sleep.

Get as far ahead as you can at every opportunity. So if you cook something do double then freeze half. Do laundry as soon as you have a full load.

Train toddler to help you. I had mine running up and down stairs fetching and carrying, passing me stuff so I didn't have to bend after my CS. He empties the cutlery basket on the dishwasher, bounces the bouncy chair, puts baby's dummy back in. He's an absolute star and loves the praise and the responsibility.

Piemother Mon 29-Apr-13 19:08:15

Yy to ear plugs that will solve one problem imediately.

I am a lp to a 3 year old and a now 5 month old.

The best advice I can give is to accept that sometimes the baby has to cry and its not the end of the world. Dd1 screamed in the car on the way to nursery every day for the first month then the feeds stretched a bit and it stopped.
I sling carry dd2 first in a stretchy and now in an ergo. The ergo is a revelation - I never have to factor a pram in to activities (Forrest school was a breeze!) for dd1 and keeping her entertained and her routine the same has been a big help.

Lastly if you need a break go to soft play and wear out dc1 - works for me grin

mummy2benji Mon 29-Apr-13 22:59:01

I have ds1 (4.5yo) and dd2 (6mo). I also recommend ear plugs for dh! My dh sometimes works night shifts too. Don't be ashamed to use an excess of Cbeebies / disney dvds to get through the first few weeks. Ds1 and I watched a ton of dvds while I was feeding dd2 at first. A few weeks of excess electronic babysitter is not going to do any harm in the long run. Actually it gets easier quite quickly, once you feel comfortable again - small babies will sleep out and about and don't need a strict routine, so I found it was often easier to get out of the house. Soft play centres are good where you can sit and feed baby while older dc charges about happily burning off energy. I also recommend caffeine wink It's not as bad as you are fearing it will be. And you learn to feel an enormous sense of achievement at small things, like getting everyone dressed before 11am!

Chocoflump Tue 30-Apr-13 08:23:10

I had a 2.4 yo and a 4 week old when DP went back to work. I thing earplugs would b a good idea, you don't want to have to tiptoe around and having to keep telling the 3 yo to be quiet!
Don't stress too much about it, if it gets to the end of the day and you still haven't got any housework done, so what? Just take each day as it comes, accept help if its offered and enjoy being with your snuggly newborn and 3 yo! Mine are now nearly 3 and 8 mo, and I've gave up work to be a SAHM x

TheCountessOlenska Tue 30-Apr-13 11:17:14

7-week old and just turned 3 year old here! DH works away all week so my main worry was doing bedtimes on my own - actually they've been fine. First three weeks were hard, even with DH on paternity leave! DD acting up, breastfeeding a struggle at first etc. But things have settled down now, I am actually enjoying bits of it shock !!

okthen Fri 03-May-13 22:36:45

I have a 3.3yo and a 6mo.

You will be fine!

Tips are
- go out every day
- when going out, get baby ready and into pram first, 3yo ready last. You'll be amazed that baby will probably drop off to sleep while you're getting older one ready.
- repack changing bag as soon as you get in from an outing, so it's always ready.
- sometimes when baby starts squeaking, say 'wait a minute [baby], I'm just busy with [dc1] at the moment'- obviously the baby doesn't get it but it helps older child feel like it's not always them getting told to wait.
- a sling is invaluable

Also I read somewhere that with new babies, weeks 4-8 are the hardest; they have 'woken up' but only sleep, eat and fuss/cry and want to be held all the time. After 8 weeks they get 'hobbies' eg staring at hands/lying on playmat gazing at toys! Remembering this got me through those tough few weeks...

It's fab having two, I now feel I'm really in the swing of it (at least around 70% of the time...)

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