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So, how long can I leave her to cry for?

(25 Posts)
SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 11:47:30

She's happy, contented and sleeps a lot. Provided I am in bodily contact with her at all times. Once she notices I'm not (usually in under 5 minutes) she becomes Banshee Baby from Hell.

I'm fed up with cooking & eating with her in the sling. I'm fed up with people at school saying "oh, isn't she gorgeous/happy/lovely..." etc etc. It's like having a bloody albatros hung round my neck.


quanglewangle Wed 17-May-06 11:49:36

Sorry, I am no help at all, but I do know what you mean.

SaintGeorge Wed 17-May-06 11:50:35

What about the old t-shirt trick Soupy? Have you tried that?

oliveoil Wed 17-May-06 11:53:30

how old now? 4 months ish?

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 12:01:23

Smothering her with a Tshirt StG? Tempting but is that legal??

She's, er, 3 and a bit months. 14 weeks. I think. I've lost count!

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 12:02:20

She screams, I leave her, she screams more, I leave her. Eventually go and get her and her face lights up. Makes me feel sooo guilty.

oliveoil Wed 17-May-06 12:03:02

I was nearly right then <<preen>>

I think the Baby Whisperer did something on this once, but I gave my book away. I think you lie them down and sit with them and gradually move further away.

dd2 was a Klingon too, and refused a sling too, fabulous!

I think she got better herself by default, not by doing so have no advice really.

SaintGeorge Wed 17-May-06 12:06:21

As you say, tempting when the bawling gets too much.

I was thinking more like putting an old, worn t-shirt of yours near her so that she can smell you and get the comfort of your presence that way. Sense of smell is still amazingly strong at her age

colditz Wed 17-May-06 12:08:54

your pillow case. It will smell more of you than just a top. make sure its a skanky old one

scuse typing - one handed

colditz Wed 17-May-06 12:10:03

by skanky I mean 'has been on bed for 2 weeks with your head directly on it' not tatty.

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 12:23:53

That'll be a tshirt that smells of baby sick then . I have tried leaving breastpads by her nose to no avail. She's now wedged in her carseat, still wrapped in the sling with my nightdress shoved near her nose and a stuffed rabbit I've had shoved up my Tshirt.

I give her 15 minutes which is exactly when my lunch will be ready.

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 12:25:00

"has been on bed for 2 weeks" Are you implying that I don't change my bed every week? <<shuffles off before anyone questions me too closely>>

colditz Wed 17-May-06 13:12:18

LOL No, I just assumes everyone has my slatternly standards

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 15:44:53

Anyway, she managed 30 minutes sleep whilst unattached earlier. She's gorgeous and I love her dearly but, but.... grrrr.

Enid Wed 17-May-06 15:47:20

god mine is like this and she is on ly 3 weeks

actually today she slept without me, wrapped up in my pashmina (ponce alert) that has never been washed and probably smells of me, er, a lot

so I have donated it to her and hping it allowes me to have a poo or make dd1s packed lunch with more than one hand

Enid Wed 17-May-06 15:48:15

mine cried this morning while I was having a poo

when I picked her up she did that hoarse sobbing thing while staring hard at me then gardually calming down

I felt like shite

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 15:50:55

I have to either put BabyDragon on the bathroom mat whilst I go or have her in the sling. Which is tricky. Or I have to rush.

It's the way her tear stained face lights up when I go back to her that kills me. Makes me feel awful because I've been cursing her and she's so delighted that I've come back. Aaagh!

harpsichordcarrier Wed 17-May-06 16:00:31

I used to sneak out of bed in the morning leaving my worn bra complete with breastpads behind
might it get a bit easier in a few weeks when she can sit up or be propped up and you can entertain her? mine is just six months and like to bounce in the baby bouncer, stand up in her standy up stationary walker thing and play with her treasure baskets, which distracts her so i can run away fora bit
I also get dd1 to do a lot of entertianing and singing to her - so much so that dd2 now get upsets when dd1 leaves for pre school....

SoupDragon Wed 17-May-06 21:16:45

She doesn't seemed fooled by the "something smells of mummy so she must still be here" trick. She may well be happier when she cansit up although she doesn't seem impressed with sitting up in a rocker chair and looks at me in disdain when I tried her in the door bouncer

Her saving grace is that she usually goes to bed at night with little fuss and doesn't complain when I move her from the middle of my bed into her basket.

SoupDragon Sun 21-May-06 16:37:29


MrsBadger Sun 21-May-06 17:16:08

Does the aural equivalent of the t-shirt work? For a while was the only way to have an uninterrupted poo, but think dc was older than BabyDragon.

You start singing a song ('What shall we do with the drunken sailor' and/or the Battle Hymn of the Republic are top favourites), get through the first verse or two, put her down and back away towards loo still singing.
Keep singing till you get back (hence need for long multiversed song).

You feel a bit of a fool but anything's worth a try...

fattiemumma Sun 21-May-06 19:13:43

i dont think it will do baby any harm to leave her to cy for a few minutes at a time.

wait till the decebells drop slightly the go pick her up again. that way she will leanr that when she is quiet she gets cuddles not when she is screaming. i promise its much harder on the parent than the child and they are usually good learners, after a couple of days of sticking to it rigidly you will notice a difference i promise...its just two days of hell in the meantime.

i woudnt suggest doing it till there is someone else home with you as your nerves do end up gettinga bit frayed as you tend to question if its al worth it but it defiantly is.

Oh and i think if they are still breathing its still ok for them to cry lol. but about 10 mins is the limit...of my nerves rather than the babies ability to cry lol

good luck with it hun

blueshoes Sun 21-May-06 19:58:55

SoupDragon, dd never fell for the T-shirt trick or gave up crying for me. If anything, she just got more and more upset to the point of being sick and could go on for hours. If putting her in a sling is all it takes to quiet dd, I would have had gladly taken that route. As it is, she would only be calm (for an hour or so at that age) if I held her and actively pointed things out to her, walked around etc etc).

She is still attached to mummy and tiring as a toddler but lovely as well because of that. Why do you have to change what you are doing, if it makes you feel so good to go to her? some babies will be put down, but others won't. There is no need to change your dd just because other babies are more "convenient".

The sling stage doesn't last forever. Soon your dd will be sitting up, crawling ... and it will get better hth

morningpaper Sun 21-May-06 20:07:20

Hi Soupy my Baby Small is 7 months and is happier now she can sit up. She isn't often put down though, even though she weighs nearly 20lb now, otherwise she goes off like a car alarm. It's a bit like that film Speed - she's fine if she's on the move (on my hip) but if she stops then she explodes.

I get that "Ooh isn't she smiley?!" all the time too. "Yes until you put the fkcer down!" is what I want to say but I control myself.

WestCountryLass Sun 21-May-06 20:19:24

My DD is like this and she will be 2 in July! Sorry, i'm sure you don't want to hear that. As a baby she was the same way, needed to be permanantly attached at all times. I used to do what Mrs Badger suggests, I did still leave her to do important things like wee but I sang or talked to her constantly whilst I was away. Now, she just follows me everywhere!

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