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Parenting

Don't like my baby's name

65 replies

nina01 · 21/04/2013 09:51

I would really appreciate some reassurance - my little girl is 4 months old and I really don't like her name, it doesn't resonate with me at all. It was my husband's choice, and as I named our son I let him choose her name. I must have liked it at some stage, as i agreed to it a year earlier if we had a girl (sadly ended in a miscarriage when 3 months pregnant) but I felt pressured into it, and he wouldn't agree to any of the names I suggested. We needed an urgent birth certificate and passport, so she needed a name! My parents hate it, so I'm not sure whether that has changed my opinion. I am having anxiety attacks about it, and can't stop questioning myself! He said we could change it in a year if I'm still unhappy, but that's too late. I'm trying to call her by her name to get used to it, but keep calling her 'baby'. Friends have said it's a great name, but I'm really unsure. Her name is India, and I sometimes shorten it to indie

OP posts:

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FlatsInDagenham · 21/04/2013 09:56

I think it's a nice name, and quite popular these days so she won't stick out - yet still with that nice balance of unusual.

It's just the sort of name our parents' generation would hate too, so nothing strange about your parents' reaction. Very rude of them to comment at all, tbh.

Indie is a lovely nn.

Bowlersarm · 21/04/2013 09:57

I love the name India, but then that doesn't exactly help you if you don't. Could you call her by her middle name?

Runningblue · 21/04/2013 10:02

First of all congrats on your beautiful baby daughter! i really feel for you, it sounds a little like the name is coming in the way of you really enjoying your dd, after all, if you find it hard to 'bond with the name', its hard to get past that.
can i be honest with you? i look to my parents for a bit of subliminal go ahead, and it still sticks in my mind my dad saying 'where on earth did that name come from?' When i said we were calling our dd Imogen. It really got to me far more than if anyone else had said it.
You say you end up calling her 'baby' often well why not call her a nickname from that, baby waby?! I do call my dd by her proper name but we have so many nicknames for her. It might give you a break from India, and approach in a refreshed light.

Has she a middle name? Imogen's is rose, so she gets called Rosey Jim!
Lastly you could resort to an informal complete name change- my nana was christened Harriet Mary but was known as Molly all her life

Laquila · 21/04/2013 10:02

I think it's lovely! Unusual enough to be interesting, not so out-there that people are going to be raising eyebrows or mispronouncing it. My parents would probably balk if I suggested it to them, but I think it's a generational thing, and I guarantee they'll come round to it as she grows into it.

If you really really can't get used to it and rethink it's going to eh a problem longer-term, then I read somewhere on here the other day that you have a year to change a baby's name on their birth cert, but I don't know whether that's true.

Branleuse · 21/04/2013 10:02

Gorgeous name.

Can you give her a nickname and use that, or use her middle name?

Laquila · 21/04/2013 10:03

"rethink it's going to eh a problem" = "really think it's going to be a problem"....(obvs...)

xigris · 21/04/2013 10:04

Sorry, this probably isn't helpful but I love both India and Indie too. My parents don't like my DS1's name or my DN's either!

Laquila · 21/04/2013 10:05

Runningblue - "I look to my parents for a bit of subliminal go-ahead" - SO true! I do appreciate it will be hard to get used to if your parents are still being stubborn about it.

AnAirOfHope · 21/04/2013 10:09

Whats wrong with calling her Indie, i like it and im sure your dd will like it too.

Congrats

dozily · 21/04/2013 10:10

It took me ages to get used to dd2's name - I used to avoid using it whenever possible, just saying "she" instead. It just sounded wrong somehow. However she's now 3 and I can't imagine her being called anything else!

I'm sure it will grow on you I think it's a pretty name for a child which will also be a strong name for an adult.

crazy88 · 21/04/2013 17:12

I changed ds2's name at 11 weeks and am so glad I did. It wasn't the right name for him. Better to change it now than leave it and always regret it. Seriously, in a few months no one will remember. My ds2 is 4 now and even his older brother has forgotten that he ever had another name, although we did get a couple of Xmas cards addressed wrongly the first year so we obviously forgot to tell a couple of people!!

Honestly, if it feels wrong, change it

nina01 · 22/04/2013 11:36

Imogen was the name I really wanted for her, but my husband refused for some reason! I didn't push it as a friend's baby was also called Imogen, although she said she didn't mind. Her middle name is Rose, and while I like it as a middle name (it's pretty popular as a middle name) I'm not keen on it as her first name.

The thought of changing it also makes me feel incredibly anxious, almost a bit sad. I do call her Indie, but that doesn't sit that well with me either

OP posts:

Runningblue · 22/04/2013 20:00

Oh dear nina, i feel bad! At least we're in agreement that imogen is a lovely name ...
I am not sure how you resolve this, because i would imagine your husband is fine with dd's name? I think crazy88's advice is very sensible but i bet much harder if one partner is happy with the name, and the other not.
And, if you have one specific name you couldn't have for your dd, its almost like grieving i suppose. Because i would imagine that even if dh agreed to change name, he wouldnt fancy imogen as a new name?

newtonupontheheath · 22/04/2013 20:05

Hi nina, my dd is called indie

Indira, rather than India, but we always call her indie for short. I don't find it rolls off the tongue as easy as my ds's name does, however I do like it and think that we picked this name for her as a child/adult rather than a baby, if that's makes sense?

I'm not judging, by the way, just adding my two-penneth!

newtonupontheheath · 22/04/2013 20:07

Fwiw I think Indie Rose (have just re-read to find her middle name) is beautiful

Startail · 22/04/2013 20:16

India isn't a cute baby name, but wait until she's a feisty 6,7,8 year old or a tall elegant teen. Suddenly it will fit perfectly and you'll be delighted you didn't call her something else.

QueenFuri · 22/04/2013 20:55

My DP named our 2nd son as I choose DS1 name. He is 3 now and although I don't like his name it's grown on me and it suits him. India is a beautiful name.

Notsoyummymummy1 · 23/04/2013 22:20

It's natural to get anxiety if you feel an important decision has been rushed or taken away from you and perhaps a part of you feels it belongs to the baby you lost. It doesn't help that your parents have declared they hate it as you now feel you have to justify something you're not sure of. I personally think the name India is stronger and more interesting than Imogen but the personal opinions of other mums probably won't mean a lot. My advice would be to keep the name she has been given - it has been chosen by her father and he had his reasons for wanting it. If you change it she might turn around one day and say she wishes she had kept her original name! You will get used to it and the more you use it the more she will grow into it and she will be your little Indie x

Cravingdairy · 23/04/2013 22:30

How about Dee (Dee Dee while she's tiny!) or Dia as alternative nicknames - they have a different 'feel' to India IYSWIM.

LittleBearPad · 23/04/2013 22:34

I think it's a lovely name but that doesn't help you, does it. Can you come up with a nickname that isn't name-based and see how you get on with that?

Would Dee or deedee work better for you.

MrsEricBana · 23/04/2013 22:45

I love the name India too and spookily wanted to call dd India Rose. My parents didn't like it as thought was akin to calling her France, Africa, China etc - daft IMO. We decided against it only because our surname begins with P and went for a pretty but safer name which, it transpires, half of the other parents in our town went for, and I still hanker after India/Indie. IMO there are no worries at all re the name itself but can you put your finger on why you don't like it?

MrsEricBana · 23/04/2013 22:51

If you really really hate it I think you should push to change it asap though as leaving it will only make it worse. This is not at all the same but we have a pet with a name I was not bought into at all and it always feels wrong when I say it to him or anyone enquiring about him as and feel I have to justify it every time.

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Minoan · 23/04/2013 22:57

Sorry I like the name too!
But is it really about the name or about it being her, do you feel you have been rushed on by your husband generally and do you feel her really fully acknowledged your miscarriage?

Minoan · 23/04/2013 22:58

Sorry, did your husband acknowledge your miscarriage I mean?

TheCraicDealer · 23/04/2013 23:07

I think it's a beautiful name, and the poster who said she'll grow into it as a teenager is right. I imagine a gorgeous dark haired gazelle of girl! And Dee Dee is a cute nickname for the baba now.

However, us all pilling in and saying we think it's lovely will only help so much. Reading your OP I also thought about whether this is connected to the miscarriage and whether perhaps you feel you're somehow using the same name that was meant for that baby, rather than a name of her own.

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