being a parent is so glam!

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

Nursing 19 day old Ds.

He's like a hungry baby boob-zombie, drinks way too much in one go, choked, scared me witless, as I wind him he spews the excess milk right down my cleavage

I had a c-section, wound is infected I don't have a shower and can't have a bath, so strip washes but no hair washing. am going to parent's as often as possible for a shower. I know I'm not dirty but I feel unclean.

I have visitors coming this afternoon...I hope they don't want to hug me

[YoniRanger]

Ah, I fondly remember those days now DD is a bit older I get to catch the sick in my hands and I'm permanently covered in snot.

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

ah, snot! I'd forgotten all about that particular joy.

9 yo DD was a snot monster, the kind that would end up not only in her hair (normally mixed with dried weetabix) but also in mine too!

DS likes to wait until you've removed the nappy to do his poos, al fresco stylee! Normally resulting in a change of clothes for me.

Glamorous doesn't begin to cover it

[Newmum2013]

Ha love this. I was walking to the shower this morning while talking to oh. Every step I took, milk poured out of my boobs haha

[cupcake78]

It's just delightful . Snail trails on all your clothes, unidentified cheesy smells, scratch and sniff.

There's nothing like it to make you appreciate how important clean feels!

[mrsbugsywugsy]

when dd (3 months) had a cold I had snot trails on my boobs

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

it does help to know I am not alone - thank you!

[differentkindofpenguin]

Oh ever so glamorous!!!!!
Went to get my 2 year old son after a nap yesterday, he wakes up happy and informs me that he has a "naughty nappy". It really was...

The snot.... Oh the snot! A man sat next to the above 2 year old on the bus yesterday... Moved after 2 minutes as my little angel was picking big juicy green bogeys out of his nose and eating them! He also likes to stand in front of my bedroom mirror admiring himself and wiping bogeys on the mirror. Unless he comes across a particularly scrummy one of course

Oh and I've done the sick down the cleavage thing too- he had reflux as a baby, used to wonder how one small baby could physically contain that much puke!

And if he doesn't like his food ( or stuffed more into his mouth than he can chew) he insists on spitting it into my hand :s

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

oh the joys to come! .

bleurgh at bogey eating - children are odd creatures!

[matana]

A couple of months ago i licked what i thought was spilt Calpol off my 2yo DS's hand. Turns out it was snot. [balk]

And a few weeks ago i caught him with his nappy around his ankles, delving around in the toilet where he'd just put a lump of his own poo (taken from said nappy). Just as i entered the room and saw him, he raised a brown finger to his mouth for a taster. [double balk]

[FoxyRevenger]

I had a glam friend round for lunch yesterday...during which 7 month old DS leaned over to suck both knees of my jeans whilst he had a mouthful of homemade soup...then he snotted all over both of my shoulders.

Lovely.

[Myliferocks]

You wait until you're sat on your bathroom floor at 4 in the morning with your 17 year old DD who doesn't normally drink but decides to that night and then,when it's too late, remembers that the reason she doesn't normally drink is because she can't hold her alcohol and it only takes a couple of vodka and cokes for her to be throwing up!

( can you tell that this happened recently. I'm more bitter about the fact that her social life is better than mine! )

[differentkindofpenguin]

Can't wait! I suppose at least 17 year olds can aim for the toilet slightly better! An 8 month old can redecorate a largish room in BARF in about 3 seconds!

[gruber]

I have sick down my top, in my hair, on both breasts & sitting here with left boob hanging out because DS has FINALLY gone to sleep and there's no way I'm disturbing him! Oh and milk trails on the carpet, milk and sick in the bed... What I wouldn't give for a hot shower and clean bedsheets, only for an hour!

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

I'm not laughing I promise much

I forget that they get worse as they get older

gruber - sat here before on day 2 of Milkathon and realised that DS had (finally stopped eating but both myv boobs were just hanging there, uncovered. good job I'm on my own today

[MillyStar]

My 4th wash load of the day is in as we speak!

DD has got a bad tummy and did a huge long wet fart in her high chair before, then i notice water spilling over the edge of the tray so i went to take her cup away and realised it was poo spilling out of her trouser leg

gorgeous

so she had a mid afternoon bath and ive been scrubbing the floor, she already exploded on my bed this morning!!

[SomethingAboutNothing]

I'll never forget the time we decided to do the middle of the night nappy change on our bed - the result was projectile poo all over me and the bed sheets.

We learned never to do that again!

[NotSoNervous]

My DD is 6m. The other day I had just got both of us dressed and ready to leave the house and I put DD in her chair for not even 10min I picked her up and my top felt wet. There was shit everywhere!! Covered her from the waist down it was dyer.

She's shat on me many many times but not on DP I swear I'm not bitter

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

Ive been pushing my luck with on-the-bed nappy changes, I need to stop before its too late!

DD had a horrific tummy bug aged 3, we had a 6 hour journey home from a weekend away, I had to hold her by the roadside as she was sick and pood, all over my legs! that was half an hour into a very long journey!

[VikingLady]

We've had the grossest possible vomit experience with DD, when she was 3m. She had a bad reaction to her first dose of Calpol, and her entire stomach contents came back, bright pink.

Except - and this is the gross bit - we were staying with family, and the only place I could comfortably feed her in our room was sitting on the bed with my back against the wall, with DD cradled in my lap. We don't really do nightclothes as a family, either. The vomit gushed at high force hitting my cleavage, pouring down, filling my belly button on its way to the bed.

I have never had anyone be sick "there" before! I nearly threw up too.

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

pink vomit filled belly button may just win the Most Glamorous MNer award

[VikingLady]

It wasn't just my belly button....

[StormyBrid]

While putting six week old DD to bed tonight, we discovered my cleavage has quite an impressive milky-sick capacity. Not quite impressive enough though; there was overspill onto my jeans. Now sitting here listening to the washing machine in nothing but knickers and socks. It had not occurred to me until reading this thread that I should possibly put more clothes on.

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

eeewwww Viking

hahaha Stormy brilliant. I was cold the other night, he sicked up on my dressing gown, I forgot to throw it in the wash yesterday so last night - bit cold again, throw dressing gown on and get that lovely day old aroma of baby spew [bleurgh] ..... I just put the thing on and ignored the smell, it was 3am and I was cold!

(I have washed it today, it awaits more baby spew this eve!!)

[Cuddlydragon]

My 8 month DS is a ninja sneezer, usually with a mouth full of porridge/yoghurt/cheese sauce. I never thought I'd count myself lucky if I could catch handfuls of baby sneeze, but my walls, floors and clothes just can't take much more washing